Self-injurious stimming?

Hello I’ve read the comments and you all seem like very wise parents!! But please from the mind of an autistic person please don’t always expect us to recognise our feelings! Usually an autistic person is very ecstatic or in a good standard zone, maybe you should teach him ways that make it easier for him to tell you if he is stressed! Since a lot of the time my mood can be thrown off by people asking me how I’m feeling I always reply I don’t know and go into deep thinking and it makes it worse this is because autistic people can’t take all of the emotions we feel and narrow it down into one specific and then take that and put it into a sentence it’s just too much for us! I strongly believe that making it easier to tell you he is stressed will help you resolve his stress instead of the behaviours that follow :) I believe this because I can’t even tell my own mum when I feel “ off “ or  overwhelmed because talking to parents can be a scary thing even with something like feelings which everyday people find easy and I still find it scary and hard and I’m 18!!! 

Maybe if you have a toy or a blanket or a colouring book specifically for stressed times and you say when ever something feels strange to you just go get this item and when he has it you will know somethings up and it removes the stressful aspect of communication!! Then when he has his item you can proceed to do things to calm him down, even focusing on the item might help or scribbling and ripping paper. But yea my main point is that communicating is the hardest thing possible it’s what makes us autistic people so overwhelmed and upset it’s the fact that we can’t do it and if we can we can’t do it comfortably. 

Some things that help me calm down even at 18: ripping paper, scribbling on paper, create repetitive hand movements to use as stimming instead! I know this might seem strange and it might just be me but being in a small space aka a cupboard or under a bed in the dark with my phone or something, I don’t know why but being in a small space where there isn’t much going on creates a very safe feeling environment which makes me feel happier apply this with a little bit of rocking or something and I will be calm in about 10-15 mins, sometimes this can happen after a big load of stress and I’ll hide away but sometimes I’ll just need space but if kid does hide best not to disturb them as it’s embarassing for us. 

Amazing how much I can read your words and fully understand what you are saying. As a child I spent most of my childhood hiding, in cupboards under coats hung up under tables at infant school, under my bed rather than in it, behind the sofa, even high up in trees, I felt safe being surrounded, enclosed, I imagine the modern tight fitting clothing works in a similar way?

same as The weighted blankets, 

Thank you for being so specific as an autistic who can relate your feelings so well, we are all different but each share so much just in different levels, 

Our insight is so valuable to parents struggling to imagine what their child feels, the child often doesn’t even know as you said, I rarely knew myself, my reply was always “ I’m ok, “ regardless of how I felt. I cannot ever remember saying I was sad or upset, or even expressing any feeling in words, 

thank you. ()

Amazing how much I can read your words and fully understand what you are saying. As a child I spent most of my childhood hiding, in cupboards under coats hung up under tables at infant school, under my bed rather than in it, behind the sofa, even high up in trees, I felt safe being surrounded, enclosed, I imagine the modern tight fitting clothing works in a similar way?

same as The weighted blankets, 

Thank you for being so specific as an autistic who can relate your feelings so well, we are all different but each share so much just in different levels, 

Our insight is so valuable to parents struggling to imagine what their child feels, the child often doesn’t even know as you said, I rarely knew myself, my reply was always “ I’m ok, “ regardless of how I felt. I cannot ever remember saying I was sad or upset, or even expressing any feeling in words, 

thank you. ()

With my hiding away was definitely something I did after I’d already melted down but now since I know it calms me sometimes I’ll do it for over active thinking, just a suggestion that maybe a safe place could be a calming thing and might just help before the problems occur, we are all so unique! 

And yes many children do so that but I never grew out of it it’s always been an autistic thing for me and when I speak to others about it they don’t understand. 

 I used to do a lot of injurious stimming mostly banging my head against the wall and I would draw blood aswell as biting etc and I have hurt others aswell unfortunately I can think of better ways around it today like the examples I gave but I still hurt myself and others sometimes I doubt their will ever be a miricle option that’ll help every time. 

Well, if I could replace my scratching and picking at my skin (stimming) by sitting in a wardrobe and it would work, I'd be happy!

And... I think 99% of people have sat in a closet as a child and found it comforting and calming. Maybe they've chosen to forget.

For me, you are 1. not harming yourself; 2. not harming others, so I don't see why it should be such an issue. If it helps you, it helps.

I’m so glad you can relate to us enjoying a safe space aswell!!! I recently put a forum up actually to start speaking to parents and maybe even kids about autism since I’ve researched everything I can but it still seems very limited compared to what’s going on in my head!! Parents can help massively but I still don’t think anything is more effective than having someone who is also autistic to talk to because neurotypical people just don’t see it or experience things the same! 

I relate to what you said about being a child so much I almost feel like what comes out to my parent is rehearsed and not actually me because as I’m saying it that weird empty feeling in my chest is screaming and sometimes I’d love to be able to tell them but my mom would always want to hug me and it would just freak me out and in turn that would make me feel guilty for not wanting to hug her. I don’t know if that rambling made sense but little things do just build up and make you super nervous about communicating it and soon it feels like you can’t even open your mouth!! 

I love that people can connect with what I’m saying on here and it feels great to actually describe it and have people understand what I mean!! I love that you can understand my idea of a safe space I’m used to people just saying why are you in the wardrobe   Haha because they don’t understand the deep level of comfort it brings so it’s lovely to meet you amazing people and share them feelings. Definitely the hardest part for me was describing to people how I feel! They always ask what are you sad about and you can’t give a reply!! 

Thank you for replying:)!! 

You descrine this so well NAS49869 and Lonewarrior - as a child I used to hide umder the sheets on he clothes horse, in the disused coal bunker at the end of the garden, under tables, or in my wardrobe.

As an adult when overwhelmed at work I would hide in the ladies. I got moved into a busy call centre environment in one job (I have hearing loss). The only way I could make phone calls was to sit under my desk. I now realise why I found it so comforting to be in a confined space.  

I think autistic people should play a leading role in the design, planning and inspection of services for autistic children, young people and adults. We should also be involved in staff recruitment and training, and education and advice for parents and carers. We really do see, feel and understand things in a way NT people cannot. 

When talking to my mother about my childhood she always insists I was a very happy child. In fact I was torn apart by anxiety most of the time, but managed to conceal it. Even now I can't alert people to the fact that I am upset until things reach meltdown or burnout and it becomes obvious that something is wrong. 

I have always worn a smile as a mask and practise smiling in mirrors. I am trying to,let that go now. 

Thank you so much for your insights ()