.
I’ve made it to over 60 years old. Your son IS diagnosed, so he has some understanding where his problems stem from. He is not alone. Meanwhile I am concerned for yourself. Don’t lose yourself in all this. You both need support from another person as you are maybe too interdependent. I think that’s the right word.
Meanwhile your son could look into forums like this one and also any local chances to meet up with others of similar age and difficulties as well as shared interests.
You could look for support from other parents for YOURSELF. The support helpline numbers are important too, as well as talking to Samaritans. I had a disastrous effect on my mother when I was a teenager, but without understanding why. So please, look after yourself.
My advice remains the same. Yes, the part about children's homes doesn't apply, but instead of that (if he is not employed) he gets to fight the benefits system, which is even less in his favour.
Nowadays it takes 2 appeals to get anything at all in the way of financial support, just because it's easier on the government to refuse help in the first instance. This is especially the case with mental health and neurological conditions. I'm lucky enough to be able to work, but I have friends who have gone through it and it is hell.
If he IS employed, you only have to look at this forum to find how hard many autistic people have to fight to stay in their jobs and get the support they need therein.
And honestly, whatever his age, you say your son is sometimes suicidal; I fear losing the emotional support of his mum would just tip him over that edge. He absolutely does need you.
Please call Samaritans and the NAS helpline. x
Wow, this post frightens me, NAS9231.
That is THE worst thing that can happen for your son. The absolute worst.
You've just laid out how he has no family but you; what do you think it would do to his already fragile mental health if you, his only family and support, suddenly weren't there? The support of a social worker is an extremely poor substitute for the support of a parent.
This is not the way to go about getting him help; in fact with no adult left to fight the system (which as you have rightly noticed is weighted against autistic people) for him he's more likely to get dropped by the wayside.
Children's homes are another issue altogether if you're not there to look after him. They're underfunded, more often than we would like to think driven by what is cheapest rather than what is best for the children in their care and often house children with serious issues who could even end up being a danger to your son in their own right, especially as he is autistic and vulnerable.
The NAS's autism helpline is a great resource and accessible on your lunch break by phone or anytime via the online enquiry form.
https://www.autism.org.uk/services/helplines/main/contact.aspx
They also run a 24-hour parent to parent service so you can access that support-group style help at a time that suits you https://www.autism.org.uk/services/helplines/parent-to-parent.aspx
And please get some help for yourself too, because you need to be helped out of this place of hopelessness and despair for your son's sake as well as your own.
https://www.samaritans.org
I know it's incredibly rough and the system is grossly unfair, but his mum not being there is exactly what your son does not need.
Please call one or all of the numbers above.
I can understand why you're thinking the way you are. I can assure you, though, that your death would make things worse for your son rather than better. My dad died when I was only four years old. I have only one memory of him, just the one. I'm in my 50s now and still grieve that he was in my life for so short a time. Please don't take away from your son the most precious thing he has - you.
You have no guarantees that your plan would work either. He still may not get the help he needs and in the meantime he could be placed in an abusive care home or foster situation.
I suspect you've tried these routes already but it's always worth a mention. I was thinking maybe CAB or whether your local council's Welfare Rights team could help. Even if they can't signpost you to other sources of help for your son, they may be able to suggest benefits you could get which might allow you to cut your working hours and take him to support groups.
Hopefully other people will come up with more and better suggestions. I just hope you can hang on. I know it's incredibly hard. It must break your heart to see your boy suffering and find blocks in the way of you getting him some help. Please do take care of yourself as best you can and please don't leave your son. Believe me, he needs you more than anything else in the world. x
