14 year old - OCD/Apergers - "forgetting" medication

Not impressed I must admit but thats my son to a tee. Goes with the flow, expects things to bend the way he wants etc and will make zero effort to help himself.

We've spent over £500 on private consultant appointments to get him seen and presribed medication. Found out for the last 10 days hes "forgotten" to take it.

Hes almost 15 - I'm absolately bomping mad with him. Surely, at 14/15 he should be able to know the importance of it?

  • Fair play - good on you. Trouble is I've got a teenager who vehemently and violently would have a big issue about, in his eyes "being treated like a baby".

    He would quite happily not take his tablets for weeks and say he "forgot" then exploded if I even suggested something like this because "theres no need to treat me like a baby" and "we don't trust him"

  • He s 14, he is a child.

    My husband gives me my medication, I don't feel like he's treating me like a child, he looking out for my health, if he didn't i probably wouldn't  Get them most days 

  • Nobody advised that he should stop taking meds because of the side effects. I think Taltunes was just saying that your son might be experiencing unpleasant side effects of the medication and that is perhaps why he would stop taking the meds. You have have posted several times about how your son seems immature and doesn't always do what you think is right or logical, so why is it so surprising that instead of discussing the side effects with you and asking to go back to have another appointment with the person who prescribed the meds, he simply stops taking the meds? If he doesn't like going to the clinic, that would be a good reason for not taking what you see as the logical course of action. Also, he might be a little afraid of how you would react if he doesn't do what you think he should (i.e. just take the meds and keep quiet about it).

    Your son stoppped taking the meds, so maybe they aren't making him feel better. Since that's what they are meant for, the only logical conclusion I can make about your reaction is that, yes, you are wanting him to take the meds for your own purposes. You don't have a "normal" kid, and meds aren't going to make him normal. I bet the best thing you can do for your son is to accept him the way he is and not try to change him. Perhaps then he'll want to spend time with you and the rest of the family instead of shut in his room in his own little world.

  • Yeh might be a good idea.

    We try to treat him with a bit of respect i.e. ok  you heard what the doctor said and here are your tablets and you know when to take them. Making him sit down and prove hes done so is treating him a little like a child,

    But maybe he needs this...

  • Hi, if I word this wrong i am not meaning to offend. 

    Do you feed your child? I mean do you call him for his dinner or anything?

    Give him his medication with a meal or make him a drink, give him his tablet and say, take this in a nice voice.

    It works here and saves anyone getting over stressed

  • Okay, so if it’s that he doesn’t want to leave his computer games I agree that reminders probably won’t work (as he’ll just ignore them in order to continue doing what he wants to do).

    Therefore, how about getting him to try and take his medication when he is on a break from his games anyway e.g. going to the loo, getting food/drink, getting dressed, or even just between games (if there are any gaps in them at all). I’m not sure how well that would fit with when he is supposed to take his medication, but it might be better than him not taking it at all.

  • I did not say anything about how they should stop taking meds - you may have read it as without the involvement of a qualified health professional but I did not say it.

    I also made my original comment before you mentioned your daughter or the fact that your son is being violent towards her and I would like to think that I would have answered very differently, if at all, if you had mentioned that in your original post.

  • Yeh we had the discussion. To be fair hes great when it comes to going to appts, agreeing to take tabs - thats never been an issue.

    Hes not so much forgetful. ITs he gets engrossed in his computer games and nothing else in the world seems to matter.

  • Well, I'm sure you would have had very different responses had you simply written on the post "I would like a phone number for an official helpline", which I assume now is all you wanted since you've called the moderator's a 'decent reply'.

    However, when you posted on the forum it was somewhat assumed that you would want opinions and thoughts as well as the 'stock response'.

    The fact is that you are quite aggressive in the way you type, and you seem to have a low opinion of your son. He's just 14 years old but you've made claims including: "Not impressed I must admit but that's my son to a tee." and "If you just sit in the corner and refuse to let people help you or listen to PROFESSIONAL advice then that's not going to work."

    Remember that he is still just a child. Yet, you are expecting him to have very high levels of communication skills (hard enough for any teenager, let alone one on the spectrum) and to use these to discuss what can be quite a complex medical topic. It sounds like you are controlling the professionals he sees and are very involved in what medication he is expected to take, but expect him to be enthusiastic about it all despite him probably not having much of a say in any of it.

    Now, we on the forum don't know the intricacies of your family life or why you've made the decisions you have, but the fact remains that you do, frankly, speak to people like they're far lesser beings and like you know it all - and your son probably has to deal with this kind of attitude on a fairly regular basis which certainly won't be helping with his ability to communicate about a very difficult and sensitive topic.

    Also bear in mind that this may just be forgetfulness on his part, so getting angry and saying 'this is him to a tee' is putting unnecessary blame on him for something that can't be helped.

  • Aspies can definitely have short term memory problems, though their long term memory is often excellent. This is definitely true for myself - I can be asked to do something and not five minutes later forget what it was. It doesn’t matter that I know I was supposed to do something, I just can’t seem to remember what it was no matter how hard I try. This is why I write notes to remind myself and I put everything on my calendar and set reminders.

    With regards to the issue with your son, I would suggest that first you need to find out if he is deliberately not taking his medication, or if it is genuine forgetfulness. You could try asking him why he thinks he is forgetting his medication, or if it’s that he doesn’t want to take it. Certainly if it is genuine forgetfulness then there would be ways to help remind him (such as above), but if he is doing it so as to avoid taking the medication then this is something you will have to discuss with him to find out why. Then once you know what the issues are, hopefully you would be able to come to a mutual solution for all.

  • " Absolute rubbish" was in response to a comment from the poster which has no basis in fact. Advising that someone should stop taking meds because the side effects are too bad without the involvement of a qualified health professional is not clever. We should not be condoning this on a forum.

    "Pathetic" was my response to the same posters inference that I was looking after myself which IMHO was out of order. No-one knows in details my family situation or how things are.

    There really is no need for this them and us attitude.

    Neither, would I suggest is personal comments about what you consider my attitude to be.

  • No offence Taltunes but surely its not helpful having two separate forums. Its just going to widen the gap and turn it into a "them" and "us" thing which is not helpful  to anyone IMHO.

  • Sorry NT is short for Neuro-typical which is how most people on the spectrum describe people who are not on the spectrum. One problem with using normal instead of NT is that the opposite of normal is abnormal which some of us on the spectrum feel is derogatory. For similar reasons I prefer ASC autism spectrum condition to ASD autism spectrum disorder

  • Perhaps this community needs to be split in two - one for people on the spectrum and one for NTs

  • Thanks Kerri - its nice to have a decent reply rather than be called names and accused of having a motive.

  • "When you spent the money on the appointments did you spend the money to help him or to help yourself?" 

     

  • With quotes like "Absolute rubbish“ and “pathetic“ when someone offers their opinion and tries to help, and with other comments in that same post, I can see why your son might not be communicating much on this.

    You seem to have a very know-it-all attitude. That's bad enough when talking to adults on this forum, but will be worse for your son. He's 14. 14 year olds aren't known for being particularly good at forward planning or understanding the complexities of medical care.

  • Dear NAS35349,

    This must be very frustrating for you.  If you'd like to talk about it with someone directly, please feel free to contact the NAS Helpline on 0808 800 4104 (Monday - Thursday 10am-4pm, Friday 9am - 3pm). 

    Kerri-Mod

  • People on the spectrum can be a bit blunt at times. We communicate in different ways from other people.

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