The famous supportive "autism parents" being a myth to me - for mine are nothing like that

I am ok with hugs from my partner, though even from her I cannot stand light touch. My kids are also an exception. If I am honest I like to hug them, as I know I can, and often they say I hug them to much. That does not stop me though and its nice to get some human contact that does not make me cringe. I winder if this means its psycological, or if my poartner and kids somehow do not fall on my anxiety radar?

Outside of the home its different, and I have had people who know it makes me feel uncomfortable stand overly close on purpose, and even touch me. I have always reacted calmer than I felt, as in a work environment, shouting is not so good. Its a fine line and I sometimes consider it bullying, which I would consider reporting if it happens again.

We have something in common, the only time iv'e even been hugged was around late 2005 by my mother, i came home from school early because i was sick during a maths test. I think i take after my mother quite a bit although even though she wasn't diagnosed with any mental illnesses, she must of had bipolar disorder. My mom wasn't affectionate towards her children at all, she would go weeks  without talking to her kids and occasionally her partner (my dad) she preferred other peoples children to her own. Although she was a horrible b!tch most of the time, she had her moments where i think she was great. (For Example: when i was in school i regularly had a beating from a few kids, then one day my mother was outside my school armed with a baseball bat demanding to know the names of the kids who beat me up the day before, my mom had a punch up with one of the kids parents, after that i never got picked on again. my mother moved out a few months after (she tried to make my dad choose between her and his daughters) even though my dad chose his kids he always visited my mother and helped her with chores and stuff because my mom suffered from ill health for nearly all of her life. I visited her in hospital about 2 years after because she'd fallen down a flight of stairs a broken her hip, when i was about to leave the hospital she told me not to visit her again because she didnt want to see me anymore. A few months after she left i asked my dad to give her a mothers day card but he hid it in his room and she didn't receive it. My mother died on 23rd August 2012,  and 2 weeks after i buried my mother i met my half sister for the first time (my mom got rid of her when she was 5 years old), she got married on 6th September 2012, the same day that i buried my mother.

I'm not a fan of being hugged though with Mum it's less awkward I guess; and I was subject of family jokes when I was a kid as when kissed, I would always rub it off. I think I actually grimace when touched.

I think one of the biggest issue of mine here is that I don't really have that one person to rely on when it comes to ASD. I currently don't have a Best Friend - the only one I've had was years ago, when we were 7-10, then when I was taken to UK our contact slowly dwindled.

My Mum just doesn't wanna accept reality. My Father is usually too drunk or high to notice anything. My Grandparents think I'm adorable but old-fashionism starts to kick in and one already keeps interrogating me about when I'm planning to go to uni and getting married (LOL, to whom??).

Naturally, I'm not saying every other family is perfect, yet so many people seem to have at least that one special support nevertheless, and not having them myself… makes it so bloody hard.

When it comes to ASD inheritance, I bet 100% my Great Grandma whom I've never met had it, that's my maternal Grandfather's Mother. My Mum at one point said her Father had always had this stubborn, rigid thing about him, and now that I've been around Grandparents for this holiday, I now see what She meant. I believe though my Mum and Grandpa ain't actually Aspies themselves though, just have some autistic traits. I'm the one who got the full load, for whatever reason; why - we'll never know most likely. Note though that my little Cousin, my Mum's sister's daughter, is also a high-functioning Aspie, so I guess it might be a skip-a-generation-or-two thing. Then again it was believed She was affected because She was a very premature baby. So no way to know unless us two are ever compared, but if that's to happen, it will take years and years till that's possible. My other Cousin and her older brother, is NT without a doubt by the way.

I do admit I might be harsh on my Parents at times, but that's the way it goes. They've committed many dumb mistakes and acts along the way that I can't really forgive, let alone forget (I never forget anyway duh). And they certainly don't do nothing to educate themselves on the subject. My Mum only once googled something and stumbled across routines, which turned out unhelpful as I happen not be the kind of Aspie much weighed down by routine actually. Though I reserve my right to holding pens and cutlery my own way and no other (I don't care it's "inefficient", I find it comfortable!), and I whimper if there is something I don't like, so– not quite. Just it's not obvious “routine” can cover more than just stereotypical timetabled day plans…

I've read how autism means "self", and it goes back to the whole "shut within own world" image, but the fact that folks on the higher end of the spectrum are more like one foot in the "real world" still (and that's how we might appear "normal") suggests the categorisation can't end this way. I'm very sensitive to certain accusations, and the one about being selfish is one of them in particular. I associate selfishness with being evil and any attempts to put me into that pile makes anxiety explode within me. And I consider myself as selfless because I think I'm rubbish and don't really matter, plus I often see my death as doing good to the world and not having any impact. I wouldn't mind dying for some great cause, though.

The relationship narcissism and autism are supposed to have with one another reminds me that my old good-for-nothing psychologist tried to put me down under a range of personality disorders, histrionic and narcissistic (!) being the two I remember. Of course when I got my PROPER diagnosis, for Asperger's, they referred to that and they said themselves they've found none of that in me, and we all agreed I was yet another misdiagnosed girl on the spectrum…

I just wish these bloody accounts would not keep bringing us down. Your fictional heroes yet somehow they never materialised for us >_< I think anything to do with babies, children and families depresses and/or annoys a lot of people, not just us on the spectrum. They trigger that “I'll never have that…” sensation, you know?

I know right!

Oh my God!!!

No the school i went to was quite rough (full of idiots basically) the guy broke a leg i think.

Skel1ingt0n said:

got pushed down the stairs in my high school and never returned

What does that mean? Someone wanted to kill him?

I do not like to be touched.

My father is the same, according to him i am perfectly fine (Although he recently admitted he thinks i'm a bit slow in the head)  Funnily enough during my high school days i had numerous meetings where my father had to attend and even though he knows about the extra-lessons i needed and the fact I was put into a class specifically for special needs kids and one particular meeting where a guy told him that i had Dyspraxia, and that i might have ASD, my dad just laughed it off. I am still waiting to be diagnosed with autism, the guy who was giving me all those tests got pushed down the stairs in my high school and never returned. After being called a waste of space plenty of times by my father because when i finished college   in 2010 i spent about a year and a half without leaving the house (Sensory Problems) I've finally got a job (it only took me 5 years lol)  Growing up I've never really liked any members of my family, my mother was useless and a horrible b!tch but i actually preferred her to other members of my family because she used to tell it like it is. QUESTION: Does anyone else here have a touch problem? I can't stand to be touched and i think dating would be out of the question for me.

Parental support is a thing!!!!! - whoah 

Good advice Daniel....I just try to focus on those that do understand me....which saves a lot of time...as even I don't get me!

I was speaking to my mum over the phone today after my post diagnosis session earlier this week and she said 'I do remember thinking that was not quite normal when you were younger', when talking about my lack of friends, and my sensory issues.

Having got a diagnosis at 33 having had a lifetime of bullying, depression, anxiety and lots of other things I found this little comfort. It would have had a huge impact on my life if I had found this earlier, instead of having spent years going through psychologists and prescriptions, sedating things, only for them to keep reoccurring.

That said, people are brought up by other people, and inherit many things from them. There are so many stigma's that come with mental health, and for a lot of older generations, pride, and putting on a brave face are ways of life. Admitting to something, or being diagnosed was seen as a bad thing, just like in previous times when anyone with any sort of mental health issue was hidden away in asylums, out of the public eye.

I have spent more time educating my family since my diagnosis than anyone else, and I still feel like I do not trust my mother to believe in my diagnosis, as it would be like her admitting she had got things wrong.

As a parent myself my mission is to learn from my parents, and make sure I do not follow directly in their footsteps, or I will make the same mistakes. Instead I try and take the best of them and leave the worst, and hopefully I can.

Don't feel that your parents are not conforming, as the propaganda is unrealistic, and their reactions are probably more normal than this image of the perfect supportive parents that is online. In time they may learn more, and be able to help you more, but its important for you to make sure you do the right thing for yourself. Also remember that many times, diagnosed children may find they have undiagnosed family members, which can mean there are sometimes parents who are also unable to deal with many things and actually are struggling as well, but because of how they have been brought up have never considered they may not be NT.

There are never perfect solutions, but you will always find people to listen here! And if weird is different, then we are all different, so that either makes everyone weird or no one (Though I have now confused myself!)

Alisha, my SD16s  mother fought us through the family court to prevent an assessment that step-daughter wanted and is even now resistant to getting proper care for SD.

I come from.a family where neurodiverse people are the norm not the exception, so the diagnosis of both my partner's girls with neurodiverse conditions was met with "how can we help" rather than denial.

The more time I am around people the more I realise my family of origin are the exception, not the rule. In part because as well as supporting the individual, support involves working to overcome barriers.

SD lives with her mother and for all she lacks support, life is easy. If she wants to play the "I can't do it" card, her mother just let's her stop trying. In our household we get alongside when there is a can't do and work with the person to find a way to do it.

I think a big risk for any parent who wants to support their kid with a difference is the risk of limiting their ability to cope with setbacks. Your parents might be struggling to know what they can do to support you. Having a think "what help looks like" might help you express it to them