hi, I'm new to the community

Thank you for your reply Pixiefox (great name)

I think I should do more research, but I'm still waiting on my assesment report (I've been waiting for 10 weeks now! never mind it will turn up)

I now what you mean by a meltdown" though.  I have sensory issues, especially noise.  I use sound canceling headphones whenever I'm out and have done for a couple of years now because I used to become so anxious and like you I have trouble thinking and talking coherently (I thought I was alone on that).  I hardly ever make eye contact unless I know the person really well.  I'm still trying to work out what causes these meltdowns...I will in time because I'm one determined lady.

 I've never been able to hold down a job but I am thinking of taking on voluntary work with the help of an Aspire worker (part of the NAS).

You should be proud of what you've achieved, I for one think its brilliant.

Thanks again for repying

Hi Dooglwoo

I'm a 56 year old "Aspie". My AS test score (40) was a big shock to me as I never would have thought I was on the autistic spectrum. I just used to think I was more sensitive, emotionally empathic and independent than many. Now I have worked out how I subconsciously learned to act NT to blend in as much as possible.

After much research I now understand myself better, and I know how I am different to NTs. I know how tiring being ND can be and why I have always needed more sleep than normal. 

I used to think that a " meltdown" was something that a child had when they threw a tantrum. Now I know that when I get very anxious and/or upset, this is because I am overloaded, which may be sensory (hot, crowded, noisy environment) but can also be emotional (being hurt by perceived criticism, or 'catching' the negative emotional states of other people). When in a "meltdown" state I avoid eye contact (which usually isn't a problem for me), have trouble thinking and talking coherently and become semi-mute. Thankfully I now haven't had a full blown one for ages, but because I understand what is happening it is easier to recognise when one is building up and use strategies to head it off.

I now embrace my "difference". I don't care that people at work might think it strange because I don't go on work nights out. I don't pretend that I have the wonderful family and social life that most people like to tell everyone else about. I spend most of my non working time with my partner or alone. I have one good female friend who I keep in touch with and see every few months. I'm very happy living that way and happy to tell people that.

Now that I understand how difficult life can be for people on the spectrum, I'm proud of what I've achieved. I gained an accounting qualification through home study in my 30s and Although I can only cope with part time work now,  I have a good job with satisfying work and great colleagues. 

I hope things work out well for you.

Pixie

Thank you quirkyfriend

I will learn to like who I am in time and I really appreciate your response

Hi doglewoo,

I'm a step mother of a newly diagnosed 16 y/o girl but both my family of choice and my family of origin is full of quirky people, some with a diagnosis or two, others without.

I realise how lucky I was to be raised in a family so accepting of difference and with a mother who did social skills teaching before anyone invented it. I'm unphased by my diagnosis and that of others. Truth is I find NT people boring.

SD16 and SD20 have both reminded me any diagnosis is like a death - there are stages to the grief: shock, denial/bargaining, anger, depression and acceptance. And that being neurodiverse they are going to express in unexpected ways and not necessarily in a linear or systematic way.

SD16 was exhausted 4 days after the diagnostic review where she was formally given her diagnosis. Not just a little bit tired, totally shattered sleep 15 hours. Shes both thrilled to know what's wrong at last and in total denial about the demands on her to make tough choices if she's going to engage in treatment to help her get any kind of qualifications.

SD20 has veered between being really needy and stubbornly independent. She is struggling to understand that talk therapy will be necessary because of the emotional abuse inflicted on her by her birth mother and how that shapes her self perception as much as the ADHD.

My SO has his ADHD diagnosis and his clinical psychologist has suggested ASD assessment. His reaction to getting SD16 to a diagnosis was to meltdown and his sleep is even worse than ADHD makes it usually.

Be kind to you (hard I know, it's likely to be something you struggle with) as you get used to the idea. Forums are great. Local ASD adult groups can be useful too. We are booking to go on a course on family life for people with autisic family members in August.

Most of all, don't rush to tell people - it's easier when you have your 90 second explanation sorted out about what ASD us and how it affects you.

One thing I've learned about lonliness: some of it is about perception. I have a very small group of people I'm close to enough to call friends. I get a big surprise when I meet a person I might want to add to that group. Since moving back to my own country I've found one new friend, and I'm surprised how sad I was to hear of another colleague leaving...time will tell if we can sustain the start of a good friendship after I don't see her through work.

On the outside in comparison to others I must look pretty lonely - but I like lots of quiet time and my SO is one of the very few humans who can do parallel quiet time with me. So this rambling is to say don't judge yourself against anyone else OK? You are you :)

You really have helped me Ferret, I will take the good advice you've given me.  Thank you again.

Thank you Ferret

I had always known there was something different about me, but when the assessor said the words 'Your autistic' for some reason hit me like a brick.

It may sound silly but I really don't know who I am, what makes me happy.  I think it's because I've just always tried to fit in.

Just having a couple of replies has made me feel a little less alone so I really do appreciate your feedback and in time I WILL accept it.

Thanks again 

Thank you pewpewmcdrew, I'm sure I will come to accept it in time. I appriciate you replying to me.

Hi

Let me be the first to welcome you :)

Acceptance will take time, be patient and don't be frustrated if it isn't happening as soon as you'd like.