hi, I'm new to the community

Hi Dooglwoo

I'm a 56 year old "Aspie". My AS test score (40) was a big shock to me as I never would have thought I was on the autistic spectrum. I just used to think I was more sensitive, emotionally empathic and independent than many. Now I have worked out how I subconsciously learned to act NT to blend in as much as possible.

After much research I now understand myself better, and I know how I am different to NTs. I know how tiring being ND can be and why I have always needed more sleep than normal. 

I used to think that a " meltdown" was something that a child had when they threw a tantrum. Now I know that when I get very anxious and/or upset, this is because I am overloaded, which may be sensory (hot, crowded, noisy environment) but can also be emotional (being hurt by perceived criticism, or 'catching' the negative emotional states of other people). When in a "meltdown" state I avoid eye contact (which usually isn't a problem for me), have trouble thinking and talking coherently and become semi-mute. Thankfully I now haven't had a full blown one for ages, but because I understand what is happening it is easier to recognise when one is building up and use strategies to head it off.

I now embrace my "difference". I don't care that people at work might think it strange because I don't go on work nights out. I don't pretend that I have the wonderful family and social life that most people like to tell everyone else about. I spend most of my non working time with my partner or alone. I have one good female friend who I keep in touch with and see every few months. I'm very happy living that way and happy to tell people that.

Now that I understand how difficult life can be for people on the spectrum, I'm proud of what I've achieved. I gained an accounting qualification through home study in my 30s and Although I can only cope with part time work now,  I have a good job with satisfying work and great colleagues. 

I hope things work out well for you.

Pixie

Hi Dooglwoo

I'm a 56 year old "Aspie". My AS test score (40) was a big shock to me as I never would have thought I was on the autistic spectrum. I just used to think I was more sensitive, emotionally empathic and independent than many. Now I have worked out how I subconsciously learned to act NT to blend in as much as possible.

After much research I now understand myself better, and I know how I am different to NTs. I know how tiring being ND can be and why I have always needed more sleep than normal. 

I used to think that a " meltdown" was something that a child had when they threw a tantrum. Now I know that when I get very anxious and/or upset, this is because I am overloaded, which may be sensory (hot, crowded, noisy environment) but can also be emotional (being hurt by perceived criticism, or 'catching' the negative emotional states of other people). When in a "meltdown" state I avoid eye contact (which usually isn't a problem for me), have trouble thinking and talking coherently and become semi-mute. Thankfully I now haven't had a full blown one for ages, but because I understand what is happening it is easier to recognise when one is building up and use strategies to head it off.

I now embrace my "difference". I don't care that people at work might think it strange because I don't go on work nights out. I don't pretend that I have the wonderful family and social life that most people like to tell everyone else about. I spend most of my non working time with my partner or alone. I have one good female friend who I keep in touch with and see every few months. I'm very happy living that way and happy to tell people that.

Now that I understand how difficult life can be for people on the spectrum, I'm proud of what I've achieved. I gained an accounting qualification through home study in my 30s and Although I can only cope with part time work now,  I have a good job with satisfying work and great colleagues. 

I hope things work out well for you.

Pixie