hi, I'm new to the community

Hi doglewoo,

I'm a step mother of a newly diagnosed 16 y/o girl but both my family of choice and my family of origin is full of quirky people, some with a diagnosis or two, others without.

I realise how lucky I was to be raised in a family so accepting of difference and with a mother who did social skills teaching before anyone invented it. I'm unphased by my diagnosis and that of others. Truth is I find NT people boring.

SD16 and SD20 have both reminded me any diagnosis is like a death - there are stages to the grief: shock, denial/bargaining, anger, depression and acceptance. And that being neurodiverse they are going to express in unexpected ways and not necessarily in a linear or systematic way.

SD16 was exhausted 4 days after the diagnostic review where she was formally given her diagnosis. Not just a little bit tired, totally shattered sleep 15 hours. Shes both thrilled to know what's wrong at last and in total denial about the demands on her to make tough choices if she's going to engage in treatment to help her get any kind of qualifications.

SD20 has veered between being really needy and stubbornly independent. She is struggling to understand that talk therapy will be necessary because of the emotional abuse inflicted on her by her birth mother and how that shapes her self perception as much as the ADHD.

My SO has his ADHD diagnosis and his clinical psychologist has suggested ASD assessment. His reaction to getting SD16 to a diagnosis was to meltdown and his sleep is even worse than ADHD makes it usually.

Be kind to you (hard I know, it's likely to be something you struggle with) as you get used to the idea. Forums are great. Local ASD adult groups can be useful too. We are booking to go on a course on family life for people with autisic family members in August.

Most of all, don't rush to tell people - it's easier when you have your 90 second explanation sorted out about what ASD us and how it affects you.

One thing I've learned about lonliness: some of it is about perception. I have a very small group of people I'm close to enough to call friends. I get a big surprise when I meet a person I might want to add to that group. Since moving back to my own country I've found one new friend, and I'm surprised how sad I was to hear of another colleague leaving...time will tell if we can sustain the start of a good friendship after I don't see her through work.

On the outside in comparison to others I must look pretty lonely - but I like lots of quiet time and my SO is one of the very few humans who can do parallel quiet time with me. So this rambling is to say don't judge yourself against anyone else OK? You are you :)

Hi doglewoo,

I'm a step mother of a newly diagnosed 16 y/o girl but both my family of choice and my family of origin is full of quirky people, some with a diagnosis or two, others without.

I realise how lucky I was to be raised in a family so accepting of difference and with a mother who did social skills teaching before anyone invented it. I'm unphased by my diagnosis and that of others. Truth is I find NT people boring.

SD16 and SD20 have both reminded me any diagnosis is like a death - there are stages to the grief: shock, denial/bargaining, anger, depression and acceptance. And that being neurodiverse they are going to express in unexpected ways and not necessarily in a linear or systematic way.

SD16 was exhausted 4 days after the diagnostic review where she was formally given her diagnosis. Not just a little bit tired, totally shattered sleep 15 hours. Shes both thrilled to know what's wrong at last and in total denial about the demands on her to make tough choices if she's going to engage in treatment to help her get any kind of qualifications.

SD20 has veered between being really needy and stubbornly independent. She is struggling to understand that talk therapy will be necessary because of the emotional abuse inflicted on her by her birth mother and how that shapes her self perception as much as the ADHD.

My SO has his ADHD diagnosis and his clinical psychologist has suggested ASD assessment. His reaction to getting SD16 to a diagnosis was to meltdown and his sleep is even worse than ADHD makes it usually.

Be kind to you (hard I know, it's likely to be something you struggle with) as you get used to the idea. Forums are great. Local ASD adult groups can be useful too. We are booking to go on a course on family life for people with autisic family members in August.

Most of all, don't rush to tell people - it's easier when you have your 90 second explanation sorted out about what ASD us and how it affects you.

One thing I've learned about lonliness: some of it is about perception. I have a very small group of people I'm close to enough to call friends. I get a big surprise when I meet a person I might want to add to that group. Since moving back to my own country I've found one new friend, and I'm surprised how sad I was to hear of another colleague leaving...time will tell if we can sustain the start of a good friendship after I don't see her through work.

On the outside in comparison to others I must look pretty lonely - but I like lots of quiet time and my SO is one of the very few humans who can do parallel quiet time with me. So this rambling is to say don't judge yourself against anyone else OK? You are you :)