Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello all.
Does anyone else lives in a flat?
I am curious to know if any one else has or ever had downstairs neighbors where there are more people in the property than should be living in there. Or who makes comments about you and the way you live, or the way they percieve you to be and live.
What I have is, a middle aged couple where the female claims to be physically disabled despite me seeing her walking perfectly fine with her crutch well above the floor and who is always shouting and swearing; and a male who is very large in terms of stomach size and who are both clearly compulsive liars.
Before I moved into this flat me and my dad knocked on their door to see who lived there, the female answered and was very nervous looking and quiet voiced, when we said that I might be moving into the area soon, she very quickly said that it was just her and her husband living there and that her husband was her carer.
So I chose to move in because it seemed as though it was just a middle aged couple that would be living there, who didnt seem any trouble from how she portrayed herself. Also when I viewed the flat the floors and walls felt very solid.
However, as soon as I moved in my flat last year November, almost every morning there would be hammering in the bedroom early in the morning. I could hear many different voices, constant shouting, children screaming and crying and doors slamming. This has been a regular thing ever since then and still persists every day like clockwork.
I ended up telling my parents and they came with me to their door and I knocked on it and they opened the door. I asked who the tenant was and asked if they could stop the door slamming as it was getting too much it was literally every 10 minutes.
The man who said he was the tenant said to me it wasnt them it was the people next door to them. I didnt believe them nor did my parents. My dad told them if it keeps happening we will get in touch with the Environmental Health department, who can tell where the noise is coming from.
Since then the door slamming has never happened again, however I keep hearing comments made about me, and I make sure I am careful to not jump to conclusions before making the judgement; the list so far is:
- I woke up at 10am one day and the female said "It's a strange time to get up at 10am"
- "He is only young, can't be much to worry about"
- One day their bathroom door slammed and the woman said "he's talking" and he replied to her "I've already slammed the bathroom door"
- "I'm going to mess with his mind"
- "Is that him in the kitchen, if it is he is making a lot of noise" (I was washing up)
- "He is the type of person who always has his ear to the wall, listening to everything you are saying and doing"
- One day I had my girlfriend over my place and we opened the curtains because it was sunny and the female said "they are looking at me from the window, they try to break me, oh they do"
- "He is in the bath at 3 o clock, what a weirdo" (I had been on an english course and wanted to unwind and relax.
These are some of the comments so far that I have written to remember, not all that have been said. Also, I have one of those 'click, click' bathroom light switches, and they do to because I hear it go, and almost every time I use the toilet and use the switch 'click, click' as it turns on or off, they do theirs twice straight after, but twice 'click, click.. click, click' in rapid succession.
I know it sounds petty but it makes me uncomfortable. I have never been loud or any type of nuisance since moving in, I have always had any music or tv on quietly, I even asked them the day I knocked about the door slamming if there were any issues with my noise and they both said no, the female even said "if there was an issue I'd tell you to your face" so I dont feel their behavior is a retaliation of some sort.
I feel that what ever I do or say I cannot win with these people, I feel they are being unreasonable and selfish, not considering the reality that I am an extremely considerate neighbor who is quiet and friendly, I myself used to have upstairs neighbors who purposely kept me awake until 5pm every night, and I mean every night. So I am very considerate moreso because I know what it is like to have an upstairs who is selfish or cruel.
I have gone to my landlord privately about the issue because I do not want repercussions if they find out I am affected by their behavior, some times I think they dont even realise I can hear their comments.
They said they may look at rehousing me due to my disability (Aspergers') but said that they thought 'I' was the problem, that I am sensitive and struggle functioning 'in general' which I think is very rude, and anyway I have a part-time job and do all my own cooking, cleaning and have done since 18 years of age, so I don't know where they have got that information from.
Sorry for the massive amount of information, I just really feel so affected by all of this and really feel I need to share with others.
Charlie, 24
London
The last neighbourhood where my home is.
They decided to take over my home everytime I went out they would go in. Its called cuckoo.
They made a joke about having rape Tuesday.
They said I have no family, comments about my hair & my Sons sexuality. The times I sleep.
They hate me I'm stuck up. They even vomited on my balcony twice on my plants on one occasion.
Plus used to throw their rubbish outside my window.
I think sometimes they knew I could hear them.
When they made the comment about rape they laughed.
I have never tried meditation. I used to sleep to classical or rnb.
My Mums neighbourhood some are aware of the abuse we suffered as its only 30mins from my flat. It is such that it makes for good gossip if your spiteful. I never look out of the window to see who it is.
I know people talk but it has been going on since 2014, I would like to move on but am always hearing someone going on about what they don't like about me & impling I should give up.
I'm not a quiet neighbour I love my music, but if someone knocked & said I was doing somthing that had a negative effect on them I'd stop.
If it was a reasonable request.
The comments on the landing are remnants of negativity from the people in my area.
I'm trying to swap get a transfer. As I can't feel safe anymore with all the drama these people caused.
Staying has given me as much anxiety as when I was homeless
. My depression is also the worst its ever been.
I have learned what real forgiveness is.
I feel they are unaware what damage they have done to my social skills or how I relate to people now.
I have no desire to go.out. Thanks for your suggestion about the micheal sealey music.
I hope your landlord is able to help you get what you need.
My wish would be a detached house. With a back garden. My ideal neighbours would be near enough for me to see them. I would only need to hear them if I or they needed help.
Let us know what happens.
Starstruck
Yes normal living noises can be annoying, but I find that if the person / people are friendly and nice it is more tolerable than horrible or obnoxious people.
Night time noise is the worst however luckily I never hear them past 10pm most nights. In my current flat I do get sleep it was another place I used to live where I didnt.
No I dont think they are dangerous just very petty and obsessive perhaps, I am not really scared of them being hostile as such as my dad knows enough people to protect me, however its their judgement that I find hard to avoid being concerned about, but I dont know why, I shouldnt care what they percieve about me.
Very true it is probably gossip and the person I swapped homes with was a very anxious lady who didnt have much to say about her neighbors, only that she 'kept herself to herself', I dont doubt they done the same things to her in terms of talking about and judging / gossiping, she couldnt get out of this flat fast enough!
Thank you for your comment and good luck wishes, if I get moved to a perfect place I will comment on here again explaining how the process went incase other people are in a similar situation.
Charlie
Hmm, not sure if flats just for people with ASD would really help - it's not exactly like everybody is the same then... They would probably annoy each other just as much. Someone gets up at 5 am every day but goes to bed at 10 in the evening, someone else can't get out of bed until 12 and is up until 4 in the morning... If someone in the flat above me had a bath at 3 in the morning it would definitely wake me up - slightly annoying if everything else is o.k. but massively annoying if I'm stressed, not sleeping well anyway etc... There are nasty people of course, disturbing others deliberately for whatever reason, but I find just the normal living noises nobody can really avoid can be enough to drive each other mad. The way the ceilings/floors are constructed seems to applify noise - I have no idea what my housemate actually did in her room every evening but certainly not moving furniture around, which is what it sounded like from my bedroom below... And once that happens you become very sensitive quite easily, I guess, also during the day when your own noises would otherwise perhaps distract you enough.
If the noises prevent you from sleeping and you haven't tried earplugs then I'd say that's definitely something you should give a go. Not everyone can tolerate that feeling but we get used to lots of things. They need to go really inside, not sticking out and feeling like they may actually fall out any moment - may take a bit of practise to get them in and trying different sizes/shapes but I was totally amazed once I found some super-small ones that would fit. Doesn't make your neighbours nicer but perhaps it helps you to relax a bit about them. At least from what you have written what you heard them say it doesn't sound like they are dangerously nasty in a way that you would need to fear them (except for the messing with your mind bit perhaps, in case they were actually referring to you, but hopefully that was just a stupid phrase). Otherwise, their opinion about you, whatever it's based on, is probably something best ignored. You know what you have achieved and that it's rubbish what they say. They may just love a bit of gossip, they would probably say similar things about anyone living there, so try not to take it too personal.
Good luck with the next flat, in case you do move!
It appears to be a common problem for everyone who lives in a flat there are stories all over the internet.
Yes music is a great tool drown out neighbor noise, if in the day you usually can't get in trouble from your landlord!
What sort of things did they used to say about you? Do you think they knew you could hear them? Have you tried meditation to help sleep, it helps me, I have recordings for meditation for anxiety, depression, sleep, social anxiety and more. You can download them from YouTube. The person I listen to is called Michael Sealey.
Yes thin walls are horrible, I can relate as in the past I had thin walls, you can hear everything they do and vice versa. What's funny though is that a lot of neighbors who create a whole heap of unecessary noise tend to also dislike when you make noise, that's how all mine have been past and present!
I don't doubt it is deliberate that they talk about you on the landing on purpose, that's how people can be, people give advice about those sort of things saying to ignore but it is difficult, however know that people who do that behaviour are childish and can't really be happy in their own lives or happy with who they are if they make comments of others in this way.
It is irritating trying to move, the unreasonable ones should be made to move! I have swapped many times and every time the person tells you a random excuse or why they want to move, but it is always because of their neighbors.
Ive almost always got my headphones on with music, I also leave a fan on most of the time for ambient background noise.
Thank you I think I may get moved in the end because I have a meeting scheduled with my landlord soon to discuss housing options, I am going to explain that it's not just noise there are drug problems in my block and local area and is not suitable for me and the disability I have. Should prompt some action.
I haven't looked on this site yet about noise sensitivity, however I might consider counselling or meditation / hypnosis and see if that works.
Its a shame there isn't a landlord who creates flats just for people with Aspergers and autism where your neighbors would be the same and understand you! Most of all would be reasonable and considerate.
Hi Charlie,
I live in my Mums flat at present & can relate to the noise sensitivity. I had this problem in my own flat.
I got migrains because of domestic abuse noise in the adjoing block. Which I used to drown out with loud music!
Plus they used to talk about me in the early hours of the mourning. I'm an insomnic this has got worse since.
Moving to my Mums hasn't changed her neighbours are loud to.
People are cramed together in thin walled buildings. Doesn't help noise sensitivity.
I don't hear them talking about me unless their slating me as they walk past on my Mums landing.
This is deliberate.
I'm still trying to move. I feel your irritation.
If you are to swap or move there is no guarentee you will get considerable neighbours.
Me neither but thats my plan anyway.
Perhaps you maybe able to get ear plugs or drown out their noise with some music or sound that you feel calms your anxiety.
I hope you get what you need.
Have you looked on this site for suggestions on how you might cope with noise sensitivity?