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Partner resentment

Ozzie417

Hi I wonder if anyone can help. With increased appointments and my son needing constant supervision I have had to reduce my hours in work significantly. My husband has always been supportive in the past, we have been married nearly 20 years, but now seems to not help around the house "because I do less hours" spending lots of money of golf etc "because he earns it" making digs about me not doing as much as him?!?! Has anyone else had anything like this. Im hoping it will settle because diagnosis is very recent and my new work hours still settling. 

  • dont assume anything my relationship broke up last year after nearly 25 years.

    my ex got more moody and aggressive so i started to stay away and he started responding by saying kids were happier wiht me out of the way, so in effect i felt pushed out.

    i finally left having told him it wasnt too late to get help and change and he told me he wanted to leave 5 years ago (so i onbviously did the dirty work for him).  I got kids in college, uni etc and settled down on my own with a broken heart and parenting 1 child on the spectrum who i have thought his resentment and lack of support for years as he said i like to "label" out kids.  and the eldest who i also suspect but didnt get help because of his lack of support and a middle child.

    so get counselling or get him pinned down.  dont take any sh..t and if he cant support you, you dont need another child to look after you have enough on your plate.

    broken hearts are painful but you plod on - you have to.

    dont let someone treat you like that you will only suffer psychologically yourself.

  • Thanks. I agree with all you say and I wouldnt have been married this long if we didnt talk and sort things out between us. I was just asking if anyone  else had come across similar in this situation. 

  • Hi Ozzie

    Sorry to hear of your difficulties.  I am by no means a relationship counsellor, but this is my opinioin in which I hope you can find something of help.

    There seems to have been some sort of resentment that has built up here.  And instead of being resolved at the start, it seems to have been allowed to fester.

    With my 'blunt' autistic manner, I would suggest this is not a good place to go.  I believe relationships are always worth saving right the the very end.  I know the consequences of unresolved grievances festering in a partner to my cost.  Although we cannot turn the clock back, I wish in retrospect that something could have been done.  A broken heart often does not ever heal.

    So I would suggest you seek some form of counselling to try to resolve the differences before they get out of hand.  I realise that you think your husband is being unreasonable, so perhaps some counselling would help you both get onto the right path again.  Marriage is a partnership, there are two people in this and hopefully you are both able to come to some sort of amicable agreement without permanently damaging your relationship.  The first stage in my opinion should be some sort of agreement between you as to what he expects of you and you of him. 

    Hopefully there will be some common ground.  We no longer live in the situation where it is expected that a woman does all the housework.  You may agree to do certain tasks when the time is available but as I understand it the majority of your time at home will be spent attending to your son and making sure he comes to no harm.

    And this I believe is the most important job of all.