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Partner resentment

Ozzie417

Hi I wonder if anyone can help. With increased appointments and my son needing constant supervision I have had to reduce my hours in work significantly. My husband has always been supportive in the past, we have been married nearly 20 years, but now seems to not help around the house "because I do less hours" spending lots of money of golf etc "because he earns it" making digs about me not doing as much as him?!?! Has anyone else had anything like this. Im hoping it will settle because diagnosis is very recent and my new work hours still settling. 

Parents

  • Hi Ozzie

    Sorry to hear of your difficulties.  I am by no means a relationship counsellor, but this is my opinioin in which I hope you can find something of help.

    There seems to have been some sort of resentment that has built up here.  And instead of being resolved at the start, it seems to have been allowed to fester.

    With my 'blunt' autistic manner, I would suggest this is not a good place to go.  I believe relationships are always worth saving right the the very end.  I know the consequences of unresolved grievances festering in a partner to my cost.  Although we cannot turn the clock back, I wish in retrospect that something could have been done.  A broken heart often does not ever heal.

    So I would suggest you seek some form of counselling to try to resolve the differences before they get out of hand.  I realise that you think your husband is being unreasonable, so perhaps some counselling would help you both get onto the right path again.  Marriage is a partnership, there are two people in this and hopefully you are both able to come to some sort of amicable agreement without permanently damaging your relationship.  The first stage in my opinion should be some sort of agreement between you as to what he expects of you and you of him. 

    Hopefully there will be some common ground.  We no longer live in the situation where it is expected that a woman does all the housework.  You may agree to do certain tasks when the time is available but as I understand it the majority of your time at home will be spent attending to your son and making sure he comes to no harm.

    And this I believe is the most important job of all.

Reply

  • Hi Ozzie

    Sorry to hear of your difficulties.  I am by no means a relationship counsellor, but this is my opinioin in which I hope you can find something of help.

    There seems to have been some sort of resentment that has built up here.  And instead of being resolved at the start, it seems to have been allowed to fester.

    With my 'blunt' autistic manner, I would suggest this is not a good place to go.  I believe relationships are always worth saving right the the very end.  I know the consequences of unresolved grievances festering in a partner to my cost.  Although we cannot turn the clock back, I wish in retrospect that something could have been done.  A broken heart often does not ever heal.

    So I would suggest you seek some form of counselling to try to resolve the differences before they get out of hand.  I realise that you think your husband is being unreasonable, so perhaps some counselling would help you both get onto the right path again.  Marriage is a partnership, there are two people in this and hopefully you are both able to come to some sort of amicable agreement without permanently damaging your relationship.  The first stage in my opinion should be some sort of agreement between you as to what he expects of you and you of him. 

    Hopefully there will be some common ground.  We no longer live in the situation where it is expected that a woman does all the housework.  You may agree to do certain tasks when the time is available but as I understand it the majority of your time at home will be spent attending to your son and making sure he comes to no harm.

    And this I believe is the most important job of all.

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