A judge in court says I should give this agency another chance. What are your thoughts?

Well, I already told my social worker that I'd be willing to - from now on anyway - just work with guys. Yet he comes out with all this BS about the agencies not willing to take on my hours because I cannot work with females. But in all honesty, when he scouts for a place to accept his funding offer, he probably tells them I'm under supervision over being some stalker, so they quietly add me to a no-no list. But while I suspect this is the reality of things, I still cannot prove it, of course.

I'm not sure if this is true or partly exaggerated, but they claim it's mainly females that work at all of these care companies. The agency which helped me in the past employs a lot of guys, but nobody in their right mind would want anything to do with an agency that screwed them over before.

I think a lot of what they subjected me to was deceitful. Like, that first guy I worked with who was sending me love letters from Gumtree winding me up over my first ex, and years later, when those women decided they weren't comfortable working with me again, I should have just been warned about whatever I allegedly did. But the truth is, they just didn't want to work with me once they knew how I felt about them, so their bosses perhaps lied to try to spare my feelings, but it is still lying. You see? These people are paid to act nice and like they're pulling for you, and that does not make them qualified professionals, because no true professional would have treated me like they did. As soon as you try to show a bit of human compassion, you get treated like a nuisance or something, but it's very hard for people with autism to lead a normal life, and what they did more or less has helped to greatly ruin mine, and I trust you know that some scars never heal. Yet it wasn't me that was harassing them at the beginning. It was only after I feel I was betrayed that I behaved wrongly. Just because I revealed I liked them, they began treating me like I was a freak.

I actually have an advocacy worker, but he keeps on coming out with annoying comments like, 'I don't want to still be your advocacy worker in 10 years...' which I find to be rather rude. His job is to help people like myself get their points across when the world is not treating them right. However, I should have known not to expect miracles. All of these people function the same way. I'm on my own, it seems.

I used to receive 9 hours of support, and I never paid a penny. Some people will read that as I'm "lucky" and think I'm an ungrateful jerk for having shot myself in the foot, but it's true. It's not my fault I get carried away by attractive females.

Social services paid for everything, and I was also getting both ESA and DLA, and all my rent paid for me for many years without lifting a finger, until DLA was replaced by PIP. Yet everything was relatively fine between the staff and I, right up until the aforementioned trouble arose because I got inappropriate feelings for women who helped me, but again, I have attachment issues because my world is too small. Now the funding has been cut for the support, so I can only have 6 hours with no flexibility, it seems.

The thing is, my sister keeps saying extras work is 'not her thing' sometimes. She went with me once before to do a film at night, and we were late in leaving the house. Punctuation is not always essential, but you should always be ready in plenty of time when you have someplace to be. Plus, she has a bowel disease and doesn't like to be rushed, so waiting around where there aren't any toilets nearby ain't ideal for her health. Today for example, I told her to start doing her measurements and processing the payment, but she gets easily sidetracked by the least wee things. But she can be very slow in general.

It's not that I want to nag people or hurry them up, but it's never wise to leave everything right to the last minute. Too often, people do that and it just causes unwanted stress. Plus, my old man started picking on me again this morning. We live in a busy household, and it's not easy to unwind. I'll be stuck here for probably another half a year or more, as I have to put in so many bids on flats from the city council. There's a lot going on as well because my sister lost her sons, and so there is a major court battle going on, and it keeps on worsening by the month.

It seems a bit "rich" that the company that ruined my happiness before is refusing to make it up to me, because I still feel they had a big hand in why I am where I am today. That isn't to say I didn't mess up too, but I really think the matter ought to be laid to rest forever now. It makes me feel I was sort of right to resent them for years, but either way, I have to finally let go of this lost cause. You know? You cannot make people like you, as sad as it is at times. If I just keep my nose clean from now on, there shouldn't be any more problems, because I think social services will watch me like a hawk now.

It sounds as if you want to be an extra more as a hobby. Not as a job to put food on the table. The problem is that most of us (even on benefits) have to pay for our hobbies ourselves. If you're lucky enough to have a sister who would support you, I don't understand why you'd even consider begging a social worker for help.

Also when I requested support from the council they assessed me & offered me a 'personal budget' for care. What they didn't state is that they weren't giving me anything. They expected me to hand over all my DLA care component to receive a few hours with a carer each week. A very bad deal that was obviously refused. If you're lucky enough to be getting DLA, aren't you expected to use that to buy services to help you?

I'm a professional actor as in how I conduct myself on a set, but I am not doing this as a career. I'm doing it because I love movies and feel I should give something back to the industry I've supported, and it also means I can be occupied with things away from the Internet, or at least not dwell on the past as much. And people don't have to be amazingly talented at acting to even act.

I'm not sure if I'm good enough to pursue acting professionally, and it is a very hard life for an actor. I'm happy to eventually become a day player with a few lines, but this industry is unrelenting even for super actors with talent managers. That is why it is cool to be an extra. You can still enjoy being involved in the process of acting without being the focal point that comes with being the star. Plus, it's a great way to get up close with the stars (although I personally feel they are just people like us who should not be considered otherwise). As I've also learned, it is not ideal to air your dirty laundry on Twitter and Facebook. Even the people that appear to side with you can turn on you when the moment presents itself, so be careful who you divulge information to online.

Extras are classed as self-employed; I think you have to declare you are receiving benefits, but I am not sure. Work in major films isn't that regular, so you often find you have to secure parts in projects that usually include low budget graduation short films, which is how you get noticed. It just depends on where the work is. In the past, you could still have a job while receiving benefits, provided it did not exceed 15 hours, or whatever their rules are. You normally have to either give your National Insurance number, a UTR or both.

Anyway, the dubious company that supported me in the past isn't willing to take me back, but my social worker has arranged for me to meet a man next Monday from another company who may or may not be able to offer flexible support.

Peter A

Is extra an actual profession? I always thought people did it in addition to a regular job.

I suspect that if you do manage to get a job, your ability to work would be used against you by the benefit system anyway. So be careful what you wish for.

So I held off attempting to call my social worker's boss because I've really just about given up because I know now they are just taken the biscuit. But seriously, after 9 months (!) of trying to call his manager, leaving voicemail. Etc. I never get anywhere! His previous boss actually left in December, and he got a new one. But regardless, just do the maths to figure out how long I've gotten nowhere here. It's ridicious.

And nobody has gotten back to me. In that time, only my social worker has answered my calls a couple of times out of the many months I've been at them, but I always have to call him first. The receptionist always tells me his boss is on the phone, in a meeting. Etc. Yet it's been 9 months. 9 months, and no call back whatsoever! The reason I wanted to chat to his boss (who is no doubt a time-waster like him), is because talking to my social worker (who I've known since 2015) gets me nowhere.

He still is adament that he isn't prepared to pay £16 an hour, to have a "care worker" go with me to a film set so I can be an extra for like 2 hours, but he said they can come with me to places as an accomplice when I need to hand in forms...WHICH ANYBODY CAN DO WITHOUT "HELP" FROM SUPPORT WORKERS!

That new 'Avengers' movie is being shot soon in my city, and I'm having to nag my sister to come with me due to my anxiety issues. It's sad. I'm not able to commit to anything I'd like to do because I have social anxiety and agoraphobic tendencies.

Seriously. It is all bull dung. Years ago, I had 9 hours of support (before the drama in my first post happened) and they never dictated what I could use the support for. These days, they go on about the funding and claim it's a waste of money, yet other clients can select what they want their hours to be utilized for. All those years ago, I never really heard a squeak from social workers, although I did have a social worker kicking around for a while at the request of the agency that supported me, probably because they were concerned about my ex-girlfriend using me and with me chasing after her so badly, but not once did anybody say what I could use my support hours for. I've already told them I'll just work with guys from here on out, but it sadly looks as if that autism company is the only place in my area that "knows" about autism, and I don't think the sheriff in court will be happy to hear they're potentially refusing me support, because he knows I need it. Either way, it's not funny anymore. My sister thinks they are just lighting a fire under my butt to get me riled up.

Don't take troll comments so personally. They don't know you. Those comments are just generic comments that most people who don't work & have hidden disabilities get daily. Media/state feeds the public propaganda, it worships high earners & disposes of those who aren't. I don't work because of my autism & I get benefits (when the state isn't busy trying to remove them). I've had much worse negative comments from family, and even from so called professionals. Many people with 'hidden disabilities' resort to receiving medication from their GP. Just so they don't dwell on the cruel comments & feel even worse.

I'm a member of some relationships related forums, and they are totally siding with these ex care worker jerks who, in my view, ruined my life. Years ago, I had a different account and they banned it because I had kept on ignoring their advice about my former girlfriend. The members that posted back then don't seem to be active as much, or they left. Anyway, here is some of what they go about saying with the swearing censored...

Since when did I ever say "social workers" (they always get the two mixed up) were supposed to be my minders?

I'm not trolling you, nor have I in the past.

Nothing has changed since your last posts. You remain unwilling/unable to accept any responsibility for your actions. You continue to pour hours into online forums looking for someone to agree with you. You claim that the charges against you are ********, even though you display the same kind of behaviour as before now that you are again incessantly pestering your social workers.

Therefore, I think it is a waste of time to try and help you on this forum again, as you never take any of it on board, and always look to move all the blame to others.

Also, Maggie is correct. You expect too much of these social workers. They are there to help, not to be there at your beck and call 24/7. Social workers have their own lives too, as well as an abundance of other people they need to provide care work for.

That was fairly tame. They know I'm just looking for pity, so they don't want to feed into the statements included in my honest posts. Well, then someone said this...

I notice that marsmilk ignored my comments and only remarked on reg's supposed trolling.

Reg is a regular and valued advisor on here. To call him a troll is simply an attempt to dismiss his opinion to allow others to ignore it.
Sorry marsmilk, but you are deluded.

You wallow in self pity, it's pathetic. You do the wrong thing yet it is someone else's fault.

Your disposable income via the government is higher that most hard working individuals who incidentally don't pester people.

Who pays for your internet access? I pay for mine. And it seems I pay for yours too. Where the **** do you think this money comes from?

You are the troll. A real life one.

How is it her business that I live on benefits and she's paying for my Internet use? The only person that needs to be concerned with that is...me. But, yeah; I get so *SICK* of ignorant people on forums such as these. It's why, come tomorrow, I won't be using forums any more for posting about my issues (goodbye to the IMDb forums as well). They always accuse me of being ungrateful, "embellishing" stuff, and sundry.

And this...

I don't open links on here.

Why do you expect your life to be at the expense of others?

Autism doesn't mean you can't be independent.

The minute you start helping yourself you will be surprised with the encouragement you will get. It has to start with you.

A guy in my work is autistic, has an autistic wife and two autistic kids. He gets 4 hours per week government assistance. What makes you so special?

Your expectations are nothing to do with autism so get over it.

In closing, I think if anybody is a troll, it's all of them.

I mean this in the sweetest way but nobody is perfect. Everyone makes bad choices, even you. Your past is in the past, but you can change your future.

I'd suggest you stop looking for a romantic relationship for a few years at least. Try to get yourself a circle of loyal friends who help bring out the best in you. They do exist & it may be hard to keep yourself guarded until they know you better. Don't be too open at first. It's best to have close friends you've known for a few years before you share very personal things. It can take a while for people to see your good points, once they do it's easier to forgive flaws. Try not to invest intimate feelings in others before you learn how to recognize if someone wants your attention. If you get let down in future, it's apparently helpful to have friends who can support you.  Some people are users who will always put themselves first & it sounds like you have learned that the hard way.

I just feel like I got betrayed and made a fool of us by my ex, the Internet trolls, and all of those support workers. I still feel low all the time. I've had a rough 17 years in general. I'm online most of the time. I've not got the confidence to join groups or find friends. I've burned my bridges with countless people already, just because I admitted I'd been in trouble, and they declined me entry into their groups. I'm like a leper, or something. Nobody desires me. Yet I've never done anything wrong. I've also lost out on being in a film because an actress reported things to this director, so he blocked me on Facebook.

The thing is, I get nowhere speaking to my social worker. Nowhere whatsoever. Even if the company was willing to support me again, I would need to get the support set up again.

I hereby decided to ty to get in touch with whoever his boss is. I did once, but I was only sent financial assessment forms and he got a new boss because his other boss left late last year. I'd been calling back so constantly, and leaving voicemail, being ignored. Until recently, I've been doing the same thing; I've kept calling, leaving voicemail and I'm never receiving any response. It's so frustrating.

Anyway, I cannot name the company.

Hello Peter

I'm sorry I can't give you any real help or professional advice.

But in my experience our history is visible to workers. There have been so many cuts that they can only give the real help to few cases. The boss will choose those cases very carefully. They will determine whether you're more trouble than you're worth to them.

It sounds like you've been chosen before to receive a support worker. The outcome doesn't seem to be what you wanted & you may have felt spied upon. It's possible agencies had a triage meeting where in the first instance they put the worker in place to monitor you for a period of time. If you complain even when receiving one-to-one support they may see little point giving future specialised support.

Even though you have autism there's still zero tolerance for abusing staff or acting inappropriately. You're classed as a vulnerable person. This means that if you show inappropriate behaviour (such as personal texts etc) toward staff you put them at risk. It could be brought into question whether they encouraged it or didn't do enough to prevent it. They will understandably drop you (aka be busy) rather than risk you doing something that could prevent them working with other vulnerable adults in future.

I had a support worker for over 4 years, even though they were only supposed to support me for a maximum of 2 years. They went above & beyond to help me, but they could still only help with limited problems. Support workers can't change the system.

Your case may be assigned to a less effective agency. Who will not have responsibility to check on you or if you're needs are being met. They get paid whether they help you or not & no one will check. There aren't even any adult social workers where I live. Their bosses have little sympathy for cases where life is not at risk. Even where life is at risk, they've been known to refuse. Questions should certainly be asked if resources were used on non-life threatening issue such as supervising someone so they may work. I know that can sound harsh. And some people see no point living without working or don't feel they can afford to. But there aren't enough resources to even meet basic care needs for those with life threatening care needs.

I hate to say it but the only person you can guarantee to look out for you is yourself. If you can find a way of doing/paying for what you need yourself, that's probably your best option.

Dear Peter,

It strikes me, from your posts, that you may not have a good understanding of how your support staff, advocates and so on can help you. One of their goals will be to enable you to understand how to get on with the world at large. It is not their job to make the world accept you exactly the way you are now. Your current behaviour, anxieties, mood and ability to successfully negotiate a path in the world are the result of years of living as an autistic person who has not yet learnt to understand himself or how other people behave. You have autism but you also have learnt from people's reactions to behave in a certain way that is frankly not good for you or anyone that you come into contact with. The current Peter is a mixture of nature and nurture. To get out of that trap, you have to challenge yourself and try to learn what of your behaviour is the unalterable "you" and what has been learnt, or trained into you, by your parents, friends, enemies etc. Some of these learnt behaviours need to be recognised and then sent packing.

Regards

'sox

Firstly, I know how you  feel. I had anxiety attacks in my last job. I had to get outside, calm down and then go back in and get something done each time it happened. Ultimately I made a choice to leave and then find another job. The new job is much much better and I am much less stressed by it so the anxiety attacks are nearly gone.

Making decisions and changing things, and then accepting or rejecting the consequences, is a good way to deal with anxiety. Ultimately you have to work out, with support from doctors, therapists etc as necessary, how to make decisions that end up reducing your stress levels and your anxiety. If you expect someone else to do all of the fixing then you will be disappointed and ultimately you need to know how to make your own choices as you go along.

Yeah, I know I have a choice, but I feel I cannot do much by myself because of anxiety. I'm not even getting support right now. I'm trying to get it set up again but social services are so awkward, and even if I was receiving some help from support workers, social services are trying to dictate what I can use it for. Extras work in movies is kind of rare (well, for the major films anyway) and so I struggle to go by myself to not just film sets, but anywhere that involves meeting people. I've only got one mate who is so old now, and it's not his thing. Plus, I think anybody who was going to be a tag along would have to shove a profile online and hope they get selected as an extra as well.

I'm not sure how it works, but there are some jobs posted up online you can sometimes only see if you sign in, and then you can apply provided you're definitely gonna be suited to the job. I'm not sure if someone can just go with you. They're kind of strict that way, because they might see that as someone unauthorized being on set. It's hard to tell. They don't really like people applying for a job if they aren't reliable. So these things are awfully frustrating.

Once again, I called social services today wanting to speak with my social worker's higher-up, yet once again nobody got back in touch. It's been the same thing for months now. I'd wanted to talk to my social worker's boss because I felt talking to him wasn't getting me anywhere. To be honest, I think the help isn't coming.

You always have some choice in what happens next. Sometimes it is hard to realise that you have a choice but every day of your life involves decisions that you make that have an impact on how you live your life. You can choose to accept the support that is offered and make the most of it or you can choose to feel hard done by. It is your choice.

I read once that people can only walk all over you if you are lying down. You have a choice to lie down or you can stand up and engage with what is on offer and accept the world for what it is.

Well, I probably don't have a choice as it seems I've been messed around way too much already. It's just that it's hard to trust them when all this has happened. Social services are a bit dodgy too.

Also, from what I heard, they are doing away with 'flexible' support. It's disappointing either way. I'd prefer to have shifts arranged so the workers can support me during specific activities. For example, I suffer from anxiety and would like to appear in more films, and I prefer going to events with other people. My sister has a bowel condition and she cannot always help me out, so it's hard to find anybody else.

I'm also bidding for to obtain a council flat, but it will be ages before anything is offered to me. They expect you to bid on 3 propertes every week, but 2 have to be high-rise.

If this agency is the right type of agency then you could give them another chance but it sounds as though you need to be more sensible in keeping your social aspirations separate from your professional relationships with the staff. If you keep hitting on them then they will always have a hold over you and it will create difficulties. Direct your attentions elsewhere and try to develop more understanding of yourself and how you can take more responsibility for your own life. If you need their support then you have to work out how to keep the relationship, with the agency, on an even keel and stop it from getting entangled with your private life.