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My head wants to explode fed up of my life

Rach91

hello my name is Rachel I haven't been on here 4 a while because I've been doing really well in sorting my life out. But over these last few days I've gone down hill rapidly. My ex which is now my best friend has stopped speaking to me after an argument we had yesterday. I almost took an overdose then stopped myself phoned Samariton then I got home an that was it I argued with my parents then they dragged me out 4 a meal with them I maniged to eat which was good. Then when i got home I went to bed but couldn't sleep so I asked to go to a&e but I rang 111 instead and they put me on Valium my dad went to out of hours to get it and I exploded again so I drank 4 cans of cinder in under 10 mins I tried cutting myself I had my mum shouting and swearing at me then I go upstairs and she tricks me into thinking the police where coming to get me but they where never called. Then my dad comes home I drink more alcohol and I pass out drunk and they just left me lying there on the cold kitchen floor. Anyway I wake up from my bed feeling rough  and they throw me out of the house 4 the day i am now in work on a night shift I don't wanna be here and I dno what 2 do I just feel like no cares all they wanna do is put me on pills my parents want me gone it feels like no one understands my asd or my mental health and I just feel what's the point in living. 

  • Hi Rach91,

    I know where you are coming from, a good freind can help a great deal when you feel no one else is there for you. Your mannic moods are obviously part of you and should be accepted by all with patience, compassion and understanding. Go and speak to your freind and he/she should understand what you are going through. I know how you feel, its a personal thing a shoulder to cry on so to speak. Unfortunatley judgment is part of most of human nature and there are very few of us who truly understand what its like from someone elses point of view. Empathy is in short supply in this world.

  • Thank you for your advice I got to my local mind centre which helps I try the Samaritons but a lot of the time I just hang up cos I chicken out I tried my gp but they just wanna give me pills a&e is to manic to deal with and all they do is do an assessment and their like your ok bye bye or they give Valium. I can't speak to my parents without arguing and last night in work I didn't want to be there. Don't get me wrong the staff r great with me it's really autism friendly there. I did stay tho got home went to bed but I just want my friend to speak to me. I just want a massive hug and a shoulder to cry on and 4 someone to listen to me and not to judge me. 

  • Hello Rach91,


    I’m sorry you are going through such a tough time, it’s good that you’ve let us know what’s happening/how you feel. Many people have similar thoughts when coping with so much and we hope you’re okay.

     

    If you are unable to cope with the distress or despair, it’s very important to tell someone about your feelings or thoughts of suicide. Call your GP and make an urgent appointment. Your GP can make sure you get appropriate help and support.

     

    I can see from your post that you have called the NHS 111 service and The Samaritans so you obviously have those contact details.

     

    MIND have information pages on coping with self harm or suicidal feelings based on the experiences of people who’ve been through it that you may find helpful.

     

    If you are very close to doing something to hurt yourself - call 999 now or go to your nearest A&E department. There should be someone there to support you and make sure you get ongoing support.


    I hope things start to get better for you again soon.


    Regards,

    Kerri-Mod