Analysis of Test

Hmmm.... This discussion appears very philosophical. It seems you are asking: "Who am I?" and "Who should I be?", and possibly "How can I be a better person?". I'm not sure of anyone who can answer these questions, except the final one (and then they can only advise).

Regardless, my experience of diagnosis has not been a happy one, and I'm still trying to figure out what it means to and for me. It's rather the elephant in the room which I'm not quite sure how to address.

However, if you feel that there is any possibility that a diagnosis would improve you life or self esteem in any way, it seems logical to pursue a diagnosis. Your GP is a very good place to start, and they will be able to point you in the right direction. Be aware, however, that you may not like everything that you learn.

NAS18906 said:

Can I ask why you are going to your GP? Do you need help with anxiety, depression or some other health issue or are you struggling to get or keep a job? Getting a diagnosis means matching the diagnostic criteria but also having enough of a problem to require some sort of treatment (either from the NHS or special consideration from employers or society at large)

Is this really so? What I mean is, should the motivations for seeking a diagnosis necessarily include "having enough of a problem to require some sort of treatment..."?  If so, I'm wasting the NHS's time and resources. I've got to the age of almost 56 without a diagnosis, and I reached 53 before even thinking about AS. But I would find an 'official' diagnosis very helpful and that's the reason I am seeking one.  I do not hope for 'treatment' and I'd probably resist the suggestion that I should accept any. I hope I'm not wasting everyone's time?

Good question. I don't know. Seems like the most logical place to turn because I don't know where else. I wouldn't self diagnose because I don't want to be a fraud.

Im not going to lie, by all accounts, I have a good life. I have a job, a car, friends, and Im debt free.

But Im going nowhere. After 40 years though, I don't really know who I am anymore. I don't know what makes me happy. I tolerate things. I fit in. I exist to make others happy. I go through periods of depression every couple of years and have moderate anxiety from time to time. 

I've had the same job for 12 years, I still live with my parents, can't make decisions and always seek the advice of others. I don't think I am suited to my job, but I don't know what else to do. Im holding on, just. I rarely invite my friends out. They invite me out, and I accept. But there's been times I've actually got outside the venue, can't confirm where they are, and I've gone home. I bought a ticket for a Church event a few years back, circled the block twice trying to muster up courage to go in, and I came out. I struggle to connect with friends and acquaintances. I have a spreadsheet so I can work out if people are friends. I've struggled with some obsession, one of which almost destroyed me. Im trying to push myself to giving more talks, and I've stood at the front of a group of people, two minutes in, my hands are shaking and I can't look up. There's so many other things.

Im shy, I have no confidence, no motivation, I can't get out of the rut. I don't know what to do.

When I look over my past, I can see something that wasn't right, times when I was exceptionally different, something that's holding me back, something. What that something is, I don't know. The answer as to what that something is, is what will give up the key I think to unlocking the rest of my life. All I have at the moment, is some weird AQ, EQ, SQ and FQ tests and a familiarity almost when people talk about aspergers (or asd).

I've had enough wearing a mask. I want to take that mask off, find out who I am, what I am, and learn to love me and what I want to do again. 

Does that make sense?

Can I ask why you are going to your GP? Do you need help with anxiety, depression or some other health issue or are you struggling to get or keep a job? Getting a diagnosis means matching the diagnostic criteria but also having enough of a problem to require some sort of treatment (either from the NHS or special consideration from employers or society at large)

Thanks both.

I don't consider myself part of the family yet as Im still working towards a diagnosis and understanding.

Im relatively good at eye contact, seem to be good at working out feelings, don't consider that I have any routines and I don't mind change. I don't have any mannerisms or issues with talking par se.

I don't like people touching, Im useless socially, Im not aware of my own emotions mostly, Im too logical, Im shy, not confident, I find it difficult approaching people especially if you're with a group of people. In all conversations, I find it difficult to think of things to say and find it difficult paying attention. I relate to people with jokes, tv quotes, and talking about my own experiences. Im very obsessive and find it very difficult giving up any degree of control.

Honestly, I don't know what Im dealing with. Avoidant Personality Disorder, Social Anxiety, an Autism Spectrum Disorder. I have no idea.

I have written everything down that Im concerned about - and it's a lot more than this, it totals fifteen pages. Im going to the GP but I have a real fear and embarrassment. What if all of everything I've gone through is normal for anyone growing up? I doubt it, because I do see differences when I look over my history. I just hope Im taken seriously because it can be such a fight trying to meet some kind target just to get a referral. I may not be high up on the list, but I've got real issues that have affected me.

Knowing what Im dealing with (if anything) that I can then pinpoint where to get help if necessary, what my make up is so I can stop trying to be something different and just accept me for who I am. At the moment I feel like I should be able to do more socially. That's why I want to make sense of all my problems.

Thanks

Yes, I interpret that you're so busy doing tests that you're not paying attention to yourself.

I fully endorse what Longman has said here.

We need to get diagnosis better informed because it is vital to diagnose any Autism Spectrum Condition as early as possible. In my opinion, people who are still using the various spellings of the term term 'Asperger' aren't even bothering to understand why the term 'Autism Spectrum' is better, and prefered. This is not moving forwards or helping our children.

The best thing you can do is stop doing tests and start being you. Try writing down how your life has been, difficulties, thoughts and feelings you have, anything at all that you experience. Diagnosisng AS is a holistic things, tick-box lists are rubbish and dangerously misleading, you should see what some of us think about the 'triad of imparments'. Let's not go there at the moment.

'Tests' have brought you here, and that's all they're good for in the way that you have done them. I encourage you to seek a proper diagnosis from someone qualified to give one, and your start point should be a referal for it from your GP. No-one on here is qualified to 'interpret' your results, nor would we want to. In any case, we won't. But, we CAN help you to understand yourself (we want to) and we can try to help you with presenting your case to your GP.

It starts by stopping talking about 'tests' that at best are poor tools and only indicative, and starting to talk about you. So please do, we love to welcome, help and support new chums!

Welcome to the family, by the way

The probable reason you were good at who blinks first is that you are not registering the information properly - wholly mechanical. I could win at that as a teenager but how on earth, given the discomfort it normally gives me in conversation. Clearly I can mechanically.

These tests are based on the Triad of Impairments, which is a diagnostic tool that looks for indications that cannot be confused with other conditions. So it doesn't define all of autism, especially missing out on sensory issues.

Also it was set up to diagnose children, where these manifestations can be quite obvious. By adulthood most people compensate in various ways, not least to avoid all the adverse attention. Eye contact becomes subtler. People find ways of predicting cues in conversation or guessing their way through conversations etc.

Similarly a lot of the visual tests were designed for children.

Autism action has been dominated over many years by parents' groups. They seem to have got it into their heads that if you do certain things their children will magically grow out of it. Consequently any adults still facing difficulties were deemed not to have tried hard enough/own fault.

It is only very recently as transition mounts into utter chaos that people have woken up to adult needs.

If you think it fits, try to get a diagnosis. Knowing one way or the other is more productive than guessing games with these tests.