Frustrated

I don't know what would have happened had I not been really good at music in my teens, but there were so many openings for group activities (orchestras, choirs) that I didn't actually realise I had a socialising problem until decades later.

So your son likes Owls, Dragons and Minecraft. Good start, perhaps, tho' I don't know anything really about any of them.  Is there some way these interests might have a social dimension?  Through a competition, perhaps, with others who also like them? Wonder if some prize could be offered...

I remember wowing some bullies when I said I was taken Maths GSCE at 14. I couldn't believe it. Still, I wasn't arguing that they stopped. Maybe scoring 10 times as much as anyone else at the aforementioned O D M might do something.

Look, I'm probably way out of my depth here, but work with your son's strengths is what I suggest.

Yours, Humbly

My teenage daughter who is thought to have Aspergers, is affected by every little noise which she can hear, and so she gets really angry over any tiny noise, even me breathing, which along with her not liking me crossing my legs, or folding my arms, or even moving, can make life difficult.  

So maybe your son finds the noise of his dad coughing painful or irritating to his hearing?

As for eating, we often eat separately or if we do eat together then I make sure it isn't noisy food that crunches or needs a lot of chewing, and am careful not to scrape my plate.

Here, I have to keep the doors shut and curtains closed at all times as well or she starts shouting and gets so angry with me.

I don't want her to stay in her room all the time, but she has all manner of entertainment in there, TV, DVD and gaming equipment, and I would be pleased if she would go to her room to watch it more often.   

But she prefers to sit downstairs to watch youtube on the living room televison and wants to be on her own with the curtains shut at all times, and with no distractions around her, and doesn't want me to be there.  But I have tried to make her realise that isn't fair because I think if she wants to watch stuff on her own then why not go to her room, because she does have a large TV there.  Then I could be downstairs and do things in the living room and kitchen.  But more often I end up going and sitting outside or in my bedroom where I don't have a TV and only have a radio, but it's the peaceful option.

When I try to reason with her she just shouts louder and louder and swears and slams doors and throws things so I end up going out of the way but then she has got what she wants.

She gets so irritated by every little thing, and has no patience, and then starts shouting and being nasty, and it isn't just because of school, as she is the same even in the long summer holidays.

I am trying to be as understanding as I can about her behaviour, but I do get upset as it is hard to know what to do.  

She has had some mental health support but I have been told it isn't a mental health problem as she isn't depressed, so it's up to me to read and look up information on the internet to find ways to cope.  

We never go on holiday, and she won't even go on a day trip, and doesn't go out apart from school, which she hates, but school allow her to go in 10 minutes later to avoid crowds and noise.  She hates any social activities and doesn't like chatting and is happy to just be by herself.

I only ever want what is best for my daughter but it's hard to know what is the best thing to do really.  

There's only me as her dad died a few years ago, so it isn't easy.

He is 14 and having to compete in a teenage world where you are expected to conform, and because of social interfacing difficulties he cannot do it. Around 14 many young people with autism worsen, simply because they become much more isolated from their peers. It becomes safder to stay at home and lock yourself away in your bedroom.

 It is a time when understanding would help and you may need to read around teenage autism to get a better understanding of what happens. But there are a lot of parents on here going through the same process with whom you can exchange ideas and strategies.

Look up Jessica Kingsley Publishers on-line. They publish books covering lots of different aspects, including teenage blues with autism. For example "Freaks, Geeks & Asperger Syndrome - a user guide to adolescence" by Luke Jackson, was written aged 13, Jessica Kingsley Publishers 2002 ISBN 1 84310 098 1 - this code will help a librarian or bookseller find it. But there are others, from the autstic teenager's perspective, the parent's perspective, or the "expert" perspective.

The meltdowns and aggressive behaviour may be influenced by the way he is treated in school especially by is age group - is he being bullied, mocked and ridiculed?

On hygene and sensitivity look at the About and Living with Autism sections of the NAS website.

Hope more people respond soon.