Just looking for some reassurance

I took my 2 year old today. The piedatrician did a development assesment on him. Hes coming out at 2 years for fine and gross motor skills, 12 months for speech and language  and 15 months for everything else. He has to go for 3 weeks assessment and speech therapy.  Hes also going to be refered to a play nurse and specialist health visitor. And he also needs a hearing test. She said thry will have to run test for other things but she can't see it being anything other than autsim. She said they may decide to not diagnose after assesment just monitir in for a while.

I have looked into what they say middle chils syndrome but if he was purposely mimicing the 9 month old would he get so frustrated, his speech inperticular hes used to be able to say about 30 worrs now he can say 5 you can tell he's trying and getting annoyed he can't. For instances he used get his cup come to you and says juice please now he comes to you no cup tries to say something cries when you don't understand picks his cup up and throws it in the kitchen, none of that is behaviour my 9 month old does.

 I agree about my husbands family. They want to take my 22 month old on his own on fridays on his own i refuse to let that happen. My husband said we are his family now not them. My father in law only met my 9 month old because we got married 3 weeks ago. My mother in law actually turned up a few weeks ago with a bag full of dairy free food now i understand the 22 month old has intolrance and shes trying to help find alternatives but in my opnion she should have a least bought the other 2 a little chocolate bar or something. She actually refuses to buy the other to treats as she finds it un fair the 22 month old can't  have it. She got mad that on our wedding meal the 9 month old ice cream and the 22 month old had  fruit platter with dairy free chocolate dipping sauce they both got treats in my eyes but in hers my 9 month shouldn't have been allowed ice cream even though no other desert was sutible for him. I give them all treats at the same time its just not always exactly the same thing they have.

Hi. I tried to post something yesterday, but it got long and complicated...

I agree that 'jealousy' appears too simplistic a way to describe a commonly understood family dynamic, but the word must be interpreted in its' widest sense. I've seen this plenty within my own family, a certain 'regression' in the middle child because they're seeing that the baby is getting all the attention, and copy 'baby' behaviour to try and get the same amount of attention back (apologies for over simplifying) athough individual psychology can't be dismissed from the equation.

Consider that if your 22 month old is AS, then he'll be more intent on copying behaviour as it's what we do to try and get by, but if he isn't, his behaviour is still within the scope of 'normal' for a middle child. My middle (non-AS) son says he agrees because he remembers doing the same! You can look up references to it in child development fora, searching 'child development' brings up some really useful stuff.

I hate what your husband's family are doing, and it should stop, it's incredibly harmful behaviour and will have lasting consequences if it continues. Any decent person knows that you treat them all the same because any decent person knows the harm if you don't. I sincerely hope that your husband cares more for his children than he does for his relatives, or you've got a potential domestic war there which won't serve anyone's best interests, least of all your children's.

I dont think its jelousy, i will admit i dont spend as much time as i wish i could with each if them individually but i do make time everyday to spend time with each one individually. If anyone going to have jelousy its my 9 month old because we had the 2 youngest close together people weren't happy and it shows. When he was born only my parents visited bought hi  presents didn't even get cards. I was told though out his pregnancy they weren't excited even more when they found out i was having another boy. My husbands family are forver bringing things for the 22 month and nothing for my other to. When my mil comes she will spend time with my 22 month old not the other 2. Apparently thats because he reminds her of my husband growing up.

Reconbinantsocks, i like that and your exactly right!

I don't know if this way of looking at things might help?

Someone with autism still is a person with all of the personality (a unique mix sympathy, intelligence, honesty etc etc) but who's personality is shrouded in a blanket of communication blocking problems. It isn't that there is no one at home it's as if there is someon at home but you can't see or talk to them because the curtains are drawn and the doors are closed.

Could this be extreme jealousy of his younger brother? My daughter was 19 months old when her brother was born. Her first reaction was to throw something at him. I was in hospital for 3 days and she went on hunger strike. It was frightening and she refused to accept me when I got home, or to eat.

We overcame the problem by me having her on my knee when I fed the baby and by sharing attention as well as making time for her when he slept. The house was a tip, but we came through it. I think 18/19 months must be a critical age in awareness of siblings. I also had to keep her brother away from her when he became mobile, or tantrums/meltdowns occured.

You could try spending time talking to him and reading to him, whether he responds or not. Tell him how happy he was when he was the baby and that you understand that he may have wanted to be your baby for longer. Make him feel he is special in some new way. I firmly believe that the greatest gift we can give our children is our time.

I do feel for you all. It is so hard to get inside someone elses mind and find out what hurts.

Your spelling's fine, no need to apologise. :-)

The food tolerance thing may be a red herring but I think that there is some connection for some people with autism. Perhaps its like most people get a hangover from too much alcohol. Perhaps some people get a hangover or other problem in the brain for different foods.

perhaps you could go round the loop again with the exclusion diets to see if there is something else that your youngest reacts to? The stories on the fedup site sound amazing but I can't confirm that it works in any or many cases.

Yes i am aware that they are the same, my husbands actually only recently diagnosed. 

From being aware of the condition now my mum has more traits than anyone thats not disgnosed properly although you could be right about my dad coping extremely well so people not noticed.

No never come across the website or diet. From being 2 weeks old he was always in pain and had diarea on rare days he didnt have diarea he was constipated and in more pain because he was putting weight on and classec as thriving the doctors decided it was acid reflux and colic but when it didnt get better and they still wouldn't do test as he was still thriving and gaining weight so i worked with my health visitor eleminating things from his diet till we found it was pointing at lactose being the issue.

Sorry about my spelling i am not greaat at it.

So, did you come across the fedup site before or the Feingold diet which I believe is similar? Did you go through an exclusion diet to identify the lactose problem or was it identified through bloood tests etc?

If you and your husband both have ASD genes then your children may have inherited from both sides. I don't know how this would manifest itself but I guess your eldest is the best indicator. I presume you are aware that Asperger's and autism are the same thing but that different people can cope better with their autism than others.

Your father may also be affected. People of his generation, who have coped without diagnosis, can be difficult to deal with and he may well show the classic rigidity of thought etc that goes with ASD. This may explain his difficulty in accepting the autism issue.

I don't know a great deal of genetics but a brief google research suggests that "genetic imprinting" (i.e. not standard/simple mendeleyan genetics) is involved. I would suggest that you might ask for some genetic counselling or advice when you see the paediatrician.

Forgot to mention we have done alot with diet as he is lactose intolerant.

Thank you for your replies,

 No my eldest didn't  regress was just always behind. I do think i am finding it hard due to the regression. I had to fight for 5 years to get help for my eldest but this time i havent had to fight at all.

I do not believe itsdue to any vacinations at all. I have been told that if he does have autism they will be keeping a very close eye on my 9 month old. The more you look into it its more than likely its genetical as my brother has Asd and my husband has aspergers syndrome so that would in my opnion suggest strong genetical links.

I will pop back and let you all know the rest of this. Was actually thinking maybe i need to blog and document our story as a family with autism it may help with research in th future.

ASD is often genetic so the fact that your eldest has it makes it more likely that your youngest has it. Did your eldest go through a change when he was a toddler? it also suggests that you or your partner may be affected. ASD is an invisible problem - i got through 56 years before it was spotted and diagnosed. It affects people differently so your sons may well be as successful as anyone else - i.e. they could turn out to be geniuses or dustmen and it won't necessarily be down to the ASD.

I'm interested in your story because it sounds like some of the stories where people think that ASD appears after an immunisation injection. (This theory has been comprehensively tested and found to be not true!) Personally, I think its more likely that dietary changes, or other childhood development changes, at that age may trigger changes in behaviour. It turns out that I have a sub-allergic reaction to some foods and I believe (it's a belief, no more than that) that I am better if I avoid certain foods (tomatoes, strawberries, apples). Some people suspect Gluten intolerance but that has been found to be not particularly relevant, there are also diets that exclude other things. There is a website that has information about this at http://fedup.com.au/ The scientific evidence hasn't proved the link but the exclusion diet that you can follow to try and identify problematic foods does no harm so I think it would be worth a try.

Hi, welcome.  I don't think you're being paranoid.   I think you're feeling upset.  You need to go with your feelings on this one.  Maybe it's more difficult for you because your son regressed?  All you can do is let the assessment process be done + contribute to it when asked or when you feel it's necessary.  I'm sure you know that every autistic child is different, just as every non-autistic child is.  Your son, like the rest of us, will have his strengths + weaknesses.  I think your family members who aren't taking your concerns seriously should basically be ignored in that respect.  This happens quite a lot in that people don't want to countenance something if they find it upsetting.  You sound like a good mum so please don't beat yourself up about this.  Only time will tell with the assessment. Let us know how things go.  Also loads of info via the posts + home pg so have a look round if you haven't already.  (the smilies don't work - windows10??)