After many years of being told I cannot work, even missing out on the opportunity at 16 to do work experience, I actually have a job. Admittly, it may not be the most glamorous, or well paying job, but it is a job. Saturday's 10pm-3am at a nightclub. Not bad if you ask me, considering I have sleeping diffculties, should be a breeze. One issue. Should I, or should I not tell them I have high functioning autism?
Well done.
I agree, take each day at a time. if job is not ideal, then you will gain another in a quiet enviroment during the day.
You have as much right as any to gain a job, and we are soppose to disclose; but if you feel this would not help, then don't.
Best of luck
Enfield Childminder
I remember working in a night-club briefly when I was your age.
You need to be cautious to keep yourself safe, I have aspergers, and my difficulty in reading emotions did add risk to me being involved in dangerous situation.
I was clearing up glasses one night, and occaisionally drinks were served in cans. Problem with those, is you don't really know if they are empty by looking at them. So I just pick them up and sway them in my hand to get a feel if they are empty.
One guy from a group of lads took offence to me picking his can up, they were practically empty with a whole load of empty glasses around them.
Suddenly, I was confronted with the large bloke, with an empty glass in his other hand, with his had extended ready to drive it in to my face. I don't know what I did, but I managed to get him to back down.
I just avoided them through the evening, afterwards, I should have let the bouncers know, but did not really comprehend what had happened until afterwards.
Anyway, I am really please for you, and sorry to put a bit of a downer, but something I felt I needed to share with you, so you are aware
I am diagnosed aspergers, so don't know if this would be different for you with hfa.
Pants said:After many years of being told I cannot work, even missing out on the opportunity at 16 to do work experience, I actually have a job. Admittly, it may not be the most glamorous, or well paying job, but it is a job. Saturday's 10pm-3am at a nightclub. Not bad if you ask me, considering I have sleeping diffculties, should be a breeze. One issue. Should I, or should I not tell them I have high functioning autism?
Hi Pants, we have somewhat hijacked your subject here. Please tell us how the job is going or went if it was dreadful and you quit. I would not be surprised if you quit because of problems with noise, light etc. I fear that you may be bitterly disappointed if it all went pearshaped after having such high hopes. Or you may be out spending your pay. Whichever way it went, you have friends here who would like to celebrate or comiserate with you.
Best wishes
I find close relationships fraught with danger. I have that Aspie tendancy to say what I think and be honest, shunning the white lies and social deceptions of NT society. The more I get to know people, the more relaxed I become, then the more likely I am to upset someone. I try to make an effort to edit what I say. People want to be with people who make them feel good. So I try to curb my tendancies to be critical or too honest. If I can't think of something that is kind as well as honest, then I say nothing. I still get mis-interpretted and at times cannot refrain from the harsh comment, but I try. If I see that I have hurt someones feelings, then I apologise for hurting them, not necessarily for holding a diferent view. I have seriously restricted the amount of alcohol I drink, when socialising, because it makes me more likely to make those unguarded coments.
I also try to listen, rather than continually expound my own views and interests. I fail regularly at that one and then try to mitigate the situation by asking about other peoples hobbies and oppinions.
It is not easy, but if they know about your ASD, and you can explain to them why these faux pas happen, I see no reason why you shouldn't be able to establish a good relationship. Take it slowly and if something goes wrong, leave it a while, then talk with them about it and try and get things back on track. Relationships are about give and take on both sides I find that if I admit to people that I get things wrong from their point of view, they are more tollerant and forgiving.
You're welcome. I'm glad I've said something that you find useful 
What you said was very helpful and it will give me food for thought as they say. Many thanks
Hello nowhereman
The difficulty isn't 'fear' of relationships, it's the innability to sustain them. It's because of the innability to sustain relationships that we end up with a string of broken ones. When you've amassed enough broken ones, you start living in fear of making new ones because you're already looking forards to when it all goes wrong. It becomes pretty much an expectation.
Since getting my diagnosis, I've shared the information with all of the family that matters to me. The crucial point I put was 'I will seem odd (and probably always have) but I am told that whilst I can't change who I am, with this information you can find resources that will help you to understand me. If you don't bother, I will take that as indicative of how much I mean, or have ever meant, to you, in which case goodbye and have a nice life'.
This attitude of mine has cost me one son, who, with hindsight, I can see is very much the abusive type, and has subjected me to it previously. For some reason, I'm supposed to be bothered about that, but in truth, I couldn't care less. I've had enough abusers in my life and I don't have any vacancies for existing ones, let alone new ones.
Those who do understand include my niece and her little boy, with whom I have a very good relationship. Now that I know what I'm working with, I have modified the way I am with people BUT, I will not apologise for being who I was born to be, and I will not apologise to people who I may inadvertantly upset - which is almost inevitable. It would be like apologising for existing.
Those who are interested enough WILL ask me, the rest, I've decided, don't have to matter to me. Ive realised that I no longer need to waste my time, physical energy, emotional energy or breath on those who WON'T listen, and have a track record for it. Otherwise, my (now fewer) relationships have got stronger simply because we talk about my 'condition' truthfuly, honestly, and with acceptance that I cannot change. Changes are happening to me anyway, and I am 'happier in my own skin' as it were.
So yes in answer to your question, but I think your question is slightly off the point. I identify with what you say, and, I'm guessing, for the same reasons, so I suspect that you are old enough to have a string of damaged and broken relationships. Your family culture doesn't help at all (neither did mine!) so there's no wonder you've become 'gun shy' - I think we all do, and for the same reasons.
So to recap, I've been honest and truthful, left everyone to decide for themselves what they want to do, and accept the results. I understand that I'm 'difficult' but there's no such thing as a relationship that doesn't need effort on both parts, whoever you are, so I've stopped breaking my heart over 'failed' relationships and concentrate my limited resources on keeping those relationships going that the others also make an effort to sustain.
It sounds like isolationism, but actually it's turning out very well. I've got less than a handful of 'close' people, but each one 'gets' it and makes great efforts, and that helps me to do the same. It isn't easy, and I can't say that it will never go wrong, but I'm more hopeful now than I've ever been that just maybe, it's going to be OK. It hurt to lose some people, in the same way that it hurts to pull a bad tooth, but like bad teeth, I have to believe that I'm better off without them.
Do all aspies sufffer from fear of getting close. My whole family find closeness next to impossible but I want to overcome the fear and have a meaningful relationship with my nephews and niece. Has any one had this problem and been able to overcome it
Hi well done hope it goes well. Personally I thunk disclosure depends on the employer. Like you I recently got some work and my boss was very understanding but the best thing I did that has helped was to tell everyone I know about my concerns and for the first time I seem to be coping with the job so far. Good luck keep in touch it would be good to know how you get on
Well done. It could be quite a demanding job. Take 1 shift at a time and take each pay packet as a bonus. You have a full week to recover each time from any stress and noise etc. Do let us know how you get on.
Best wishes.
Congratulations! I disagree about disclosure, however.
You got the job on your own merit, and obviously proved to them at the interview that you have the skills and personality for the job.
Unless you have issues at a later date, or they specifically ask, I would not tell them anything. I certainly would not say anything about being overwhelmed by loud noises or needing time out, as dealing with that is probably part of the job (unless it is a very quiet club!)
