Help and advice. I'm struggling

Thanks for letting us know! I hope that you can continue to find ways to get by.

You said that you'd only just got his diagnosis, and that there are grandparents around, so I'm wondering if all of you are fully informed about his needs.

It is bound to be very tiring for you, especially at first, so I'm also wondering if the grandparents understand the strain on you, especially after you said you had no-one you can really talk to. Your other little one needs to be looked after too.

Stay with the site and we'll always do our best to advise and support you, but some practical support would help enormously too!

Please take very good care of yourself

Hi Sarah

I'm glad you are finding some things to help, and if the grandparents can babysit even if it's for a few hours it would give you time to get some sleep.

When my daughter was little, I used to leave her bedroom door open so I could keep an ear out for her in the evening, but I put a stair gate across the opening to try to stop her coming out.  But eventually she figured out that she could throw the bedcovers over the gate and use them to climb over it, so I had to perservere keep taking her back until she got fed up, or too tired to climb over any more.   That was before I decided to play CDs for her, and when I tried that, then she calmed down more.

Hiya. I dont really get much help in people taking him out for me I do it all myself. I also have a 2 year old so it is hard but I'm getting there. 

we went to the beach last night at about 6pm. Wore him right out so he slept like a baby and settled quite well. I don't drive so it's hard for me to take them out to places like the beach all the time. He doesn't like public transport luckily I had my mum who helped last night. 

i think the grandparents are guna start helping more as they'd seen how warn out I was this weekend :) it's room for me to look half dead for someone to help lol. 

I've started playing white noise sounds in his room and seems to be getting up a lot less :D. 

I know it's guna be a long road to take but we'll get there. 

Ive stopped making such a fuss when he gets up and stay quite silent. And seems to be working. :). 

Thank you xx

Sarah, I hope you can find a way to follow JennyRobin's advice. Apart from anything else, you cannot possibly expect to be able to think straight if you're permanently worn out.

I'd like to share my experience with you if I may?

I can't tell you how it was for my Mum, her only 'complaint' was that I 'never slept' because my 'little head was always busy'. I can recall behaving in the same way as your little man - any excuse. I would often wake in the middle of the night and creep into my parents' bedroom dragging my eiderdown with me. They had an old-fashioned frame bed and I was able to wrap myself in my eiderdown and sleep beneath it. All I can tell you is that I needed to feel safe from the monsters, and just knowing they were there was all I needed. I never woke them!

If your child feels the need for an 'excuse' to come and find you, it's OK to tell him that he doesn't need one, that you are always there when he needs you. As for the 'no reward' tactic, you're too late of course, he's already had his reward simply in finding you. So I'd recommend a 'no further reward' strategy!

Cuddle him, check he's OK, then put him back to bed and maybe sit for a moment. Definitely don't start a conversation!

Lastly, I think that a physically tired child will usually sleep well, so please can I ask if you think that he perhaps need more time being physically active? Is there someone who could take him to a physical activity for you? Do you even have those opportunities?

Thanks for advice. Apart from Karajans ... Sorry but there is no way in hell I'd be doing that to my kids.  I'm assuming you were joking    

I I sleep in my bed in his room. I put him to bed then I go downstairs to finnish off jobs in the house before my bedtime.  He doesnt exactally need anything in particular he just makes up excuses like.  He's sad or he needs a cuddle or hes happy Ect it's wierd but also stressful. 

putting CDs on sounds like a good plan I shall try that first and see what happens. ill literally try anything atm so thank you xx

 you could  consider moving his mattress near to your bed then gradually moving it further away !! Just an idea..

I have to say that Karajan's ideas are not conventional wisdom and I wouldn't go along with turning everything upside down and putting locks on doors - there are fire/safety/child protection issues with locking children in rooms. Just wait until LO tells nursery or school that mummy locks me in a room at night and see what happens!

What do you do when LO comes to you in the night? Kids don't need stimulation or to be rewarded for coming out of thir rooms at night. You need to check that they are OK and not in real need but otherwise it is good to give them a silent treatment and turn them round, put them back in their bed. And keep doing this repeatedly until they get the idea that it isn't fun anymore. It shouldn't be harsh and brutal but you can make it unrewarding for them. This is the technique shown on the supernanny programs and it was shown on the Born Naughty series about autistic kids on C4 recently.

I don't know if this would help but when my daughter was young I used to play story CDs or relaxation music CDs to her to help her to settle down.  

I'd read to her first, and then put on a CD for her to listen to.  I'd put the CD player where it was out of reach, at the time I had a safety gate and would leave it outside the door where she couldn't touch it.

It's probably best not to play nursery rhyme CDs as they can get a bit too lively, though I did once have a sleepy time songs CD which was good.

Or as Karajan says, maybe a lock on the door would help, perhaps on the bedroom door, and make sure the room is safe so even if he is awake he can't do any harm.

Do you have anyone else who could look after them for even a few hours in the daytime so you could get a sleep?

It's important to look after yourself too, and tiredness makes things harder.  

Hope some of this might help.

You may not like this but, how about making them sleep downstairs? You could add a lock on the door(s) so they don't disturb you. You need to catch up on sleep because if this persists you could die. Do you want to be known as the mother that was killed by her children? I certainly wouldn't. 

Thanks for reading and hopefully you'll consider this,

Karajan ;)