Does he know?

Hiya :) he he brad sometimes does that although brad generally just does what he does and makes noises of guns, locks, cars, crashes, splashes, alarms etc but i think the alarms is due to as a youngster living in a flat where they constantly set the communal alarm off and brad used to sit with his hands on his ears going lurrr lurrr lurrr lurrr imitating the noise, it mustve stuck with him as he identifies every camera and alarm the minute he walks into a room! Wow you can do alot of accents im rubbish!Oh Callum growls and barks when hes either angry or in hyper mode so i know that one well :) yeah you seem really mature for your years and you have a wicked sense of humour! Michael mcintyre is my most favourite comedian!! hes sooo funny! Its the way he says things rather than trying to be funny like you said :D brad tries so hard to make us laugh all the time, he hasnt figured yet that he makes us laugh naturally as he is mature in some ways and he will state something really obvious but he will put it in a statement and then be like really grown up whilst saying it, so then i giggle then he giggles and so we all end up giggling! Love the idea of talking to the desk, perhaps i should try talking to something like it, at least it cant answer me back and has to listen eh? :D and to make a friend through doing that is brilliant!! :) Yeah i think a lava lamp will be on the christmas list for my two older boys then he he! Brad is extremely obsessed with police, he rarely stops talking about them unless hes dancing or at gym. He at the age of 6 figured how to work virgin media so he could put the catch up tv on!! he watches cops on camera, police camera action and send in the dogs, hes obsessed! i didnt like the idea of him watching them but we just keep an eye on what hes watching and how he understands whats going on. You must be soo proud of your results thats amazing!! i barely managed a C in english, the rest of my grades were like d's and e's! Oops! not for not trying really i just didnt get it! Have had a giggle at the thought of can-can in an examination though :D  social lives sometimes are over rated i think. I mean me and my hubby rarely go out and yet we have friends who go out all the time and their heads are filled with so much drama! i dont think theres anything better than relaxing at home in comfort :) Funny you mention about trips, Callums on his tomorrow to a toy museum, i dont know how he will be as his friend went in the other half but im sure he will be fine :) ahh brilliant i hope you have a really good appointment!! I will let you know how brad and callum get on tomorrow :) have a fab appointment tomorrow :)

I speak of my brain as it's own person too, though usually it thinks what I want to say or gives me random bits of information to say when it panics. One time a friend was talking about going to Cardiff University, and for some reason my brain gave me 'sheep'....so I baa'ed XD Luckily she just laughed and tried making me do it again.

I rarely make imitation noises of things anymore, but I can do accents, so far I have a scottish accent, an australian accent and a welsh accent, as well as an on and off south african accent. Though occassionally when I get possessive of food or my things I will growl at people, earning me the nickname 'Wolverine'. Short, vicious when provoked, short sighted and otherwise appears harmless.

Throughout my life I always tended to sort things into worlds. School was one world, home was another. I've tried to avoid doing that since school and home collided in some sort or horrific apocalypse over revision sessions. Only problem was trying to explain my worlds to my mum without sounding silly.

Its kinda sad, I felt like I was always the most grown up in my class, but I loved the childish aspects more, like cuddly toys of animals and imaginary friends (had to say bye to mine at the end of primary, have had to make do with talking to my desk or pencil since, on the pro side, was talking to my desk one day, girl sitting next to me joined in! We've been friends ever since :D).

The SEN teacher suggested the lava lamp because apparently after the inital excitement most of the other kids with ASD settle down and happily stare at it for hours (personally I get excited when a large bit of wax starts heading towards the top of the lava lamp though I can stay in one place ^^) plus you can put it out of reach but in sight, so no chance of little hands breaking it.

I wonder if Brad's into things like CSI and shows like that? Or does he prefer the more documentary shows like British cops: On the frontline? Personally dragons are my main obsession closely followed by bats and shiny stuff. :) Maybe Brad could watch things like Law and Order? From what I know its as acurate as a crime drama can get to real life.

I've managed to develop a sense of humour by watching other people (especially shows like Mock the Week and Michael Macintyre) and eventually settling for the dry humour approach. Turns out saying the dullest thing in a certain way and tone can make people laugh. QI is also good for interesting random information, can't tell you how often I've managed to start or add to a conversation thanks to Steven Fry.

Throughout my GCSE's I got pretty much all A's or A*'s (except P.E, got E in that, thing is I'm pretty certain I didn't even take the exam, and my friends and I just did the can-can throughout the aerobics assessment between falling over), because at home I really didn't have much else to do but homework so I can thank my lack of a social life for that one. The down side though was that because I wasn't struggling academically, my school didn't believe there was anything to be concerned about, even if I did interrogate teachers non stop about every little detail over school trips two weeks in advance for five years.

Good luck to Brad with the appointment and the competition! Got my own appointment (follow up to the diagnosis) tomorrow as well, seems wednesdays are the most conveniant for these people for some reason. Meh, I guess they hate Mondays as much as any other, and Friday would just be too much effort.

Hoping everything goes well for you :)

Hiya :)

Ahhh bless you, yeah its some of his strengths dancing and gymnastics, hes won so many trophies and hes got another comp coming up soon too hes very excited! Brad obsesses over anything to do with police once hes onto that subject thats it mind you hes hardly ever off the subject! that and making imitation noises, but im sure thats just a boy thing anyway? he he he you did make me giggle about sharpening the pencil too far and removing the 6's :D u have a fab sense of humour :) wow so you are super smart at english then!!! thats fantastic :) I was kinda hoping that with time they will explain more about what they need. Brad tends to talk about his head as another person, so he'll say mom.. my brains trying to trick me again, I can hear something then he will start laughing :) yeah we tried Callum with knex however callum explores what happens if i shove this in my xbox etc and he tends to break things up alot but im hoping that goes a little as he grows i mean he's only 5, well actually hes 6 in days! Ahh so Elliott likes to play with making things too :) Aww thats brilliant that youve managed to get better sleep! and youre hammock and lights sound brilliant my boys would love that!! :) however they would run havoc through my house with excitement most likely. The boys are doing well, brad has his screening appointment tomorrow so we will see what they have to say about him, im very nervous as to what they will say, but time will tell. I just want them to be happy and not struggle thats all. I will let you know how brad gets on though :) hope youre having a fab day :)

So envy Brad right now, the only dancing I can do is the can-can (briefly, 30 seconds tops) and gum-boot dancing. xD And I have the gymnastic ability of a boulder, poke me enough and I might eventually roll a bit.

I also struggled with times tables, my 6,7,8 and 12 times tables are my weakest areas, I relied on a pencil with the times tables on it for primary, only downside was I had to learn the 6 times table by the time I'd sharpened it that far.

I think, when you hit your teens you begin to be more aware of other people, what they're doing, what they're talking about, what they like and such, probably part of the instinct to try and blend in or socialise. So maybe your boys will start paying more attention to other peoples opinions, even if it is just to avoid them.

Teachers are also more willing to talk to you. I was advanced in english in year 6 so I ended up learning year 8 things during primary school. It was only when I reached year 9 though before I had a teacher who recognised my talent and the skills of another girl (my best friend) and gave us some GCSE english to do instead. Seriously, I cried for joy at the sight of a metaphor.

It also gets easier because you can explain how you think or feel better, I mean, you learn more sayings, more things you can compare situations to and such. E.g. when I read Of Mice and Men for english I learned more about how other people see and feel friendship, and I can use it as a comparison for my friendships.

Just wondering, do they still make those K'nex toys? I remember when I was little making huge structures like funfair rides or cars out of K'nex or even just snowflakes, I could follow the pictures in the books or make whatever I wanted. Maybe it'd be something else Callum could try once he's old enough? That way he gets to be logical yet creative.

I also think of things in 3D so creating 3D objects was a lot of fun when I was little, still is now in art :) Having something physical to touch and mould into shapes is also comforting in some way, Eliott still plays with that sort of thing too, or at least, he keeps getting those kits for Christmas's and birthdays xD

As for how I'm doing, I've been talking with the SEN teachers at my school and I've found out the best way of getting to sleep, turns out music helps to drown out any sounds that might wake me up in the night and for the movement...

I HAVE A HAMMOCK! XD

It is awesome, it looks like a huge black bananna and when I'm in it I apparently look like a giant vampire bat :) (I love bats).

I've also got a lava lamp and an LED light fountain ( it looks like someones hair when they've been electrocuted and changes colours) to help me calm down before bed, as they catch and keep my attention for ages meaning I can't worry over other things.

Hope you and your boys are doing well :)

I can imagine that would be difficult if your hearing is super sensitive to sleep with the ticking. It seems alot daydream, so it makes me feel happy that Brad isnt alone with it that others daydream too! :) thank you so much for your reply, it relly means alot to me and helps us all lots :) best wishes, lisa :)

I get distracted by the sound of my watch ticking, when I am trying to sleep, so I move the watch to another part of the room and place it beneath some clothes.

When I was at school, I was always day-dreaming and the teacher would tell me that 'my head was in the clouds', which I took literally at the age of 9!

Hiya :)

How are you?

Yeah see i really think Bradley is very much like you, hes the one whos just awaiting his first ever screening, alot of what you say i see in Bradley daily. Brad is what i before this would have said was a daydream boy with little quirks that make me smile. Yeah it is the fact they expect you to know everything, and i dont, im barely even beginning! Thats a good reaction (about the tripping) if you can find things like that to make you feel secure thats brilliant! Oh its Brad with the colourful vision, Callum would love it i think he would be jealous too if he knew what Brad sees :D  Callums the one who gets outta control with overwhelming impulses around lots of people, noise etc, and hes also the one that does all the hurting and an extremely high pain threshold. (hes the one whos quite a way through his process and they say its Autism and ADHD). Yeah i think im with you on that one I would quite like those colours when im bored it would jazz things up a little eh?! My first car was a lovely purple never seen one like it before i loved it! Ah thats good you can listen to your music in lessons, Brad loves his music, he is a fantastic dancer and gymnast. So Elliott loves maths too then! Callum loves maths and loves construction and drawing too, i think he likes it because for him hes in control of it, he decides what he makes and he has the most wildest of imaginations sometimes, I hold his grandad responsible for that though as he makes stories up for Brad and Callum to listen to he he! Yeah it could be a male / female thing couldnt it? If it is I hope that it starts to help our Brad soon as he got quite upset on the way home as he just cant do timestables, hes off daydreaming but then gets angry that he doesnt get them and all the class are infront of him and its really hurt his feelings, but he will get there, i just gave him a big hug and told him it was ok and that he was excellent at other things :) Do you find that things come easier in your teens or about the same? I was just wondering as youre an excellent communicator and was just thinking if my boys can speak about how they feel / see things more clearly as they get older then things have surely got to get a little easier?? Hope youre having a good evening :) Best wishes Lisa :)

Hi again :D,

I know what you mean about how people want the in-depth answer about how every little brain cell comes out with a certain behaviour xD

For me it was ok as I spent all these years as an odd 'normal' so people just began accepting my 'quirks' without questioning them too much.

I think its because we now have a label that they see as a very serious condition that makes them think theres some psychological reason why we act the way we do, I dunno, like how they try to explain that some criminals are they way they are because they weren't hugged as a child or something.

Whereas with me or Eliott, if we develop a new habit its usually some common sense response to a problem. Like whenever I got insecure about tripping over myself (with no assistance from the stairs or other people) I learned to laugh and congratulate myself on tripping up completely of my own accord. Or in Eliotts case, he now wears long sleeved t-shirts or jumpers so that he feels more secure and not as exposed.

In some ways I envy Callum, I love blue and purple xD Seeing in those colours from time to time would make things like Business Studies way more fun, and I usually stick to those colours for anything art related.

I think its also not so much that we hear the noises same as everything else, but some aspies have hyper-sensitive hearing, which means if we zone in on one sound its hard to drag your attention back to other things, like if someone leaves the tap on in the kitchen downstairs at night, I'm bound to go down there after 10 mins of trying to ignore it to turn the darn thing off just to keep it quiet, only to focus on some other sound 5 mins later. Hence why I usually listen to music nearly all the time ^^ In lessons like art and textiles they let us listen to music with one headphone in so long as we turn it off while they're talking to us, its really helpful in terms of narrowing down your distractions.

Also found out Eliott is a major maths fan as well, apparently he excels in maths beyond all other subjects. Maybe its a boy thing brought out more by the condition? I've heard on documentaries that boys tend to like things like solid right and wrong answers whereas girls prefer things that can have deeper meanings (art, poetry etc).

Hiya :)

You know the way you described yourself at school is exactly how Brad is! Heres what the support teacher said to me.. ive done an observation on him today, hes a lovely lad and has no behaviour issues at all, hes just out of the room alot.. I looked at her confused and she said... well i mean hes daydreaming all day long, he joins us in the room for a few minutes then goes into daydream land again, or he gets easily distracted. So what youve said seems to fit Brad soooo well. I did find something on google which shows what certain visions look like.. I did find one that he said it was similar to but i cant remember what it was called now.. Its like a moving deep blue and purple. He hears alot of small noises and gets distracted by them, but then i just thought most people could as i constantly hear electric and so can my mom so we can hear that sound your on about too :) say if im at the bottom of the stairs and the tv is on mute upstairs i can tell that its on purely by hearing the electric, and Brad is like this too. Thats good that you take what your mom says on board so well, unfortunately we are not making much progress there but will continue, like you say, they will realise unwanted behaviour in time :) Ah you will have to thank Elliott too for being so helpful showing us the best presents for Callum its very kind of him to help!! We have made some progress with the school since we spoke last and they can now see some of the worries we have as parents, and they do have best intentions at heart. It really is hard to explain when people ask what makes him tick (its normally about Callum as he is extreme) I say well he doesnt do well with large groups, or too much hype or noise, but they expect some kind of indepth answer, they seem quite shocked when i just say thats just Callums way, i dont know the reason its is just Callum :) but acknowledgement on their part is a massive step so im a lot more positive that we are all walking together in the right direction. Thank you so much for all this help you are a star, and the fact that you and Elliott are helping us to try to understand our little boys is amazing. I hope you are having a brilliant weekend! Best Wishes, Lisa.

Hi Lisa,

Thing is now I've been diagnosed I've been trying to identify my exact behaviours and such so I know exactley what makes me tick :)

All through school I developed a way of somehow daydreaming non stop while still absorbing information from teachers. I used to say it was like one part of my brain would do the work for me while  hung out in the other part imagining things.

Sometimes when I'm tired or go out into bright lights or dark places I see these weird little hexagons of bluey purpuly white light in my periphrial vision, kind of like the static on an old TV, is this what Brad means? As for sound, I find that I tend to hone in on certain sounds, either my own breathing, my watch ticking, the teacher talking (occassionally) or even a nasty high pitched background noise that apparently comes from all the electricals in the area. When my science teacher bought out an occiliscope and made it play the frequency that drives all kids insane I nearly passed out.

As for the times when he acts out and you give him normal treatment, if its in situations where he's hurt others or could end up hurting himself its important to be especially 'normal' with this even if it means he'll be upset.

Thought process for when I was about 5:

I hit my sister for making fun of me non stop for 20 minutes.

Mum comes in and yells at us both.

I get yelled at saying it was wrong to hit.

I go to my room and sulk/stay upset for a while.

After that I associate the hitting with being yelled at which I don't like, so if I don't want to get yelled at, I don't do it again. I've had a word with Eliott and he's the same, he goes out of his way to be good to avoid feeling sad again. I know it may seem cruel but we learn from strong emotions. And even after I was yelled at for doing something wrong, 20 minutes of sulking later my mum would come in, explain what I did wrong and why she yelled at me i.e. if I hit someone I don't like in the future they could really hurt me back.

Things like the leappad are apparently good (consulted Eliott on that one) because he likes the sounds and colours it makes. Also, its educatonal so eventually he will get bored of it or won't complain if he has to go to bed. When I was little my mum used to get me educational computer games (can't remember the names) where you were essentially an 'adventurer' and had to solve puzzles, maths, science and english questions in interesting ways to advance to the next level. I found that really useful for getting the hang of things I couldn't quite understand at school.

Hope this helps :)

Hiya :)

Thank you so much for your post it means alot :) I think youre right i think he knows something but hes not quite sure, Brad my eldest hes being assessed he knows somethings not right as he asks why everyone can easily 'do school' as he puts it and he cant as Brads attention span is non exsistent he goes into a daydream and flits in and out of the real world and he must concentrate so hard as he mentions about seeing blurry bluey / purple ive had his eyes checked and theyre fine but he also complains about his ears dont work but again they are fine too??, but hes no where near the extremity of Callum, he just cannot cope at all in large amounts of people or noise, so i try to avoid it (go shopping alone etc) and limit the wait on the playground but through this i sometimes misjudge it which makes him a minute or so late :( which then sparks a whole new outburst. Kids are nasty to Callum but Callums nature is that he just thinks well youre nasty to me im going to push you etc etc it usually escalates as he doesnt get that thats not the way to deal with it no matter how many ways we try. How you explained about the no special treatment is exactly what we do at the moment, i just worry that in some circumstances where hes obviously not coping that i dont want him to think i cant even look to my mom for help as shes telling me this is wrong behaviour when its maybe his only way of showing hes not happy?? thats why i so desperately just want to see what he sees which i know is impossible, but having others insights like yours are as good as, so this is why im eternally grateful for your help! Its funny you mention about drawing Callum loses himself, he goes into his own world when drawing and his attention to detail is amazing! that and computer games but i do find he gets angry if he cant do a bit of the game so we have to be careful there. We thought about getting him a leappad for christmas so that theres educational games on there etc and its mobile and productive. We thought it might help him with the subjects he struggles with also as hes below average in everything apart from Maths in which he excels, dont know where he gets that from as its the one subject both me and my hubby struggle with! You have hit the nail on the head about the ignorance thats what i cant cope with, and i know i need to get my head around it, i can cope with most things but that, so i deffinately need to work on that, if not for me then for the benefit of my boys. It has been lovely reading your post, its refreshing to speak to someone that knows about all this and has such a calm approach, as i feel my head is on backwards!! Again thank you so much, i really appreciate it and cant thank you enough, have a great evening, Best Wishes Lisa :)

Hi Lisa,

I'm 17 and have only just been diagnosed with Aspergers syndrome. My little cousin Eliott also has some form of autism though I'm not sure which type.

I know this isn't going to be pleasant to hear but its important to know the facts.

Yes, theres a good chance your son knows he's different.

Other children will most likely be the ones to constantly remind him of this through their actions or even telling him outright, so even if he doesn't know what specifically is 'wrong' he'll know hes different.

With Eliott, we made sure he knew we loved him. So that even if he was treated badly by other kids for things not his fault, that we still care about him. Sometimes if he does something 'wrong' we'll take him to one side and explain to him why not in simple terms e.g. he hits another cousin, my aunt will take him aside and say "No Eliott, you do not hit people, it isn't nice and you wouldn't like it if they hit you."

This makes him think about the other persons reaction, something that wouldn't naturally occur to him.

As for how to treat your son, as a family (amoung us older cousins anyway, its a big family) we've all decided to treat Eliott as we would treat any other kid. This is important as in life amoung strangers he won't get any special treatment so its important he knows whats expected of him.

Your sons outbursts may be his way of showing how he's frustrated and upset about being different, but its important to let him know thats ok. Maybe look into ways he can express himself without getting to that stage, like drawing?

I've seen how my aunt reacts when she tells us how upset she is about how Eliott sometimes feels lonely because of his differences, so I know this news will be upsetting to some degree. But as my dad pointed out it's ok to get upset because its your job as a parent and it shows you love them.

I hope this helps and I hope you don't get too upset, because the sad truth is that loads of people are ignorant to ASD and choose not to acknowledge it. But the fact that you've actively come onto this site and asked for help shows how much you love your children, and I think that when he's older it'll mean so much to him that you've taken the time to do your best to understand his condition so you can help him through life.