Does he know?

I really want to go into animation, which has a mostly decent wage (about 18k if you're good) but you only get the best money when you're a senior animator that they can trust. Meh, Uni first, jobs later.

I think this would apply to me too. I have never had a payed job, and I expect that my first job will be minimum wage and that I will not move up the career ladder until I am in my 30's or even 40's. This is simply being realistic.

I went to University before the tuition fees were hiked; they were at their lowest level when I did my History degree almost 4 years ago.

The comment made about the noise of the common-room was very true to my own experience of 6th form life. I spent most of my time hibernating in the toilets with the door locked. People would knock on the door and say, 'are you alright?', to which I would not reply. I hoped they would walk away and leave me alone. At this age, I was obsessed with the actress Kate Winslet, that is, mega-obsessed!. I could literally think about nothing else, and I printed off all her interviews and pictures from the school library computer.  Lunch-time was spent reading her interviews in the toilets, while getting frissons of excitement cascading through my body.

The only reassurance for me regarding the new uni fees (just in time for my generation, yay....not) is that everyone else will be in debt too, and that I prpbably won't ever get a job with a salary over 21k until I'm at least 40.

My mum works in a bank at the tills or as the complaints person (she gets complaints, she doesn't sit around complaining xD) so anything to confusing regarding money she usually handles for me or explains it.

I am very parsimonious when it comes to money. I have a real problem with spending money on things that are superfluous to my everyday requirements.  I buy clothes that are primarily comfortable, although  I am particular about the colour and beauty of a piece of clothing; but I would never wear something that happened to be in fashion but was made from artificial fabrics.  I am very rigid with money and cannot be flexible in this area. My Mum gives me a fixed sum of money to spend each week from my benefits, and I will rarely go over this amount; if I do, it leads to unbearable anxiety and obsessions and I have to get lots of reassurance that I won't go into debt.  My parents control my finances because I have dyscalculia (innumeracy) and a money phobia.

owww i see now lol! :D , see now i can completely agree with you on the clothes front i hardly ever buy clothes i to dont see the point in clothes that are occassionally worn although when i was younger it was quite the opposite! I love diet coke too! mainly as i am on a diet though as i normally used to drink full sugar coke all the time :D he he he you really should warn me when youre going to make me laugh i was just about to drink my coffee when i couldnt stop giggling at your nature commentry, you know you have a fabulous way of looking at things its brilliant!! I loved the chav comment it was wicked :) oh and the cheap furniture perch absoloute classic!! :D you know i know that theres clearly some really harsh struggles daily for people with ASD but you see things in such a refreshing way its amazing :) completely get you about comparing people to animals though :)

hehehehe the granny sucks eggs quote yh it just means telling someone older than you about something theyve known for many many years and know how to do it alot better! however i too dont understand why the granny has to suck an egg.. when it couldve been a sweet, a lollipop etc etc

yeah the chocolate teapot is a good one too :) we get chocolate fireguard down here too! :D

I tend to rub it between my finger and thumb so when the teacher gets my attention and I pretend to be listening to what has already been put up on the board (staring at said teacher and nodding occasionally) the blu tak has had time to harden, meaning I get stuck xD

Another thing I'm obsessed with is price, I don't understand the point in other girls going out and buying tons of clothes they'll never wear more than 3 times in a year. Mum loves it because she can literally take me out once a year and buy me something like 5 of my dragon t-shirts or some decent trousers that last for at least another year. ^^ I literally feel scared if I see a price tag on a white t-shirt saying £20 when I can get one from Primark for £3.50. Its pretty good for making me monitor my money, hence why I can save up enough to buy a laptop or buy my own sweets and diet coke (diet coke, big need, wouldn't survive school without it). It also stops me bringing home dvd's. Normal girls get clothes, I bring home dvd's or cheap shiny pretty silver things. :) Yeah I'm a real magpie in the shinies department.

I like assigning animal behaviours to people, because animals are easy to understand. Happy, sad, hungry, angry, scared. Sometimes when I have to sit in the common room I'll watch the other kids and do a David Attenborough commentary.

"And here come the well dressed chav's, chattering excitedly amoung themselves as the troup leader breaks off to address the leader of a neighbouring troup. The two exchange wary pleasentries whilst the others continue to talk amoung themselves, eventually flocking to the array of cheap furniture to perch and chatter for a further ten minutes until the males enter. Making loud comments and exaggerating their movements, these males attempt to show off their strength by wrestling with their opponents, loud excited jabbers from onlookers encouraging the two males engaged in combat. Eventually, one male surrenders, fleeing behind one of the many tables whilst the now superior male attempts to chase the other from his territory."

Its a nice way to distract myself from all the yelling and screaming the other kids do too.

I think the most confusing saying I've ever encounted is this, "Its like trying to teach a granny to suck eggs."

..... who sucks eggs? And why is it a nan?

Apparently this means its pointless trying to teach someone something they already know how to do, but I still get confused. My favourite saying is my mums, 'They're as useful as a chocolate teapot'. Only problem is I then get all munchy and go after chocolate. xD

you know how you have just explained to me about how your emotions take the scenic route whilst the logic kicks in straight away, well thats quite alot like shock!! so it does seem like that may be a little bit of what you experience, but like i said dont take it from me, but it might be worth putting it to CAMHS see what they think?  hahaha yeah 'fence sitters' are people who literally sit on the fence where opinions are concerned. So when i imagine it in my head much like you i imagine a person on a back garden fence with two arguing neighbours and the person on the fence is being nice to them both and telling them both what they want to hear when actually that person who is sitting on the fence isnt telling their true opinion. It means to not choose really, some people may also say its 'two faced' but its a matter of opinion and depends on the circumstances it has been used. So now im going to be responsible for that moment when you are in school and the girls are all 'twittering on' hehehe and you think of the fences and crows, its a good way to pass the time though eh?! ;D

Have you tried like textiles shops as they have that like hairy furry stuff that they normally dye bright colours and is used for like dance / clubwear? maybe that might be an option? although to be fair its nowhere near as glossy and smooth and fluffy as the real ones you will most likely have. hmmm im a bit of a blu tak fan to be fair.. i like making it into dices and sausages hehehehe! omg how do you get them stuck do you wrap it around until you have no tak left? hehe a good way to pass a lesson though lol! ;D

You could be right about the shock o.o

Usually unless its anxiety or anger I take a while to react emotionally to a situation, even with anger it usually kicks in just as I get home. I remember when our old cat Minnie died (she was huge, fat, black and only liked me, I learned how to get up the stairs from her) my mum and sis were in tears whereas I felt sort of numb or empty, then three days later I suddenly burst out crying. It's sort of like my emotions take the scenic route while logic gets straight to the point.

I've never heard of 'fence sitters' before, makes me wonder how they perch on the spikey fences XD But I know that the majority of girls in school are like that, and they're despised by the other 'alpha' females who moan about it every art or textiles lesson. I keep imagining birds with chavvy faces all perching on fences now, then again they do sound a lot like crows squaking all the time. XD

My favourite textures are fur (though I'm doing my best to be ethical, its a right pain in the rear but its worth it), velvet, the soft cotton flannel type fabric used for bedsheets, some fake furs and sometimes silky fabric, although depending on my mood if I touch silk it makes me feel all weird like I'm touching living water. The teachers in the SEN department keep trying to offer me blu tak, don't get me wrong I love playing with it but I always end up getting two fingers stuck together, so I end up spending the whole lesson trying to free myself!

OMG Brad and Callum might go hyper too :D hehehe i dont mind if they go hyper at home, its accpetable in our home, just not by boring people outside hehe! :D Im a bit of a daft person love to laugh and love even more for my kids to laugh too! Oh so you like textures as well then! I like cats but im allegic to them so cant go by them else i have a trip to hospital but your cat sounds cool! Yeah youre right its been a while since your last one in June so dont be too down about it as to be fair thats quite a while so you are clearly doing really really well even if it doesnt feel like it sometimes!! Yeah tell the raving looney art lady on her that should straighten things out hehehe! I may well be wrong but im wondering if the shaking youre experiencing is similar to shock?? like say when you have something real bad happens once your head has had time to process it sometimes you can go into shock which can cause shaking?? maybe thats what you are feeling as that too feels like a release?? Hahaha that list you were given seems a pretty pointless thing to say as i read it it seemed to contrdict itself? People are hard to read even if you havent got ASD. In the society we are in people have to process and work so quickly i think its very difficult sometimes to really tell what people are thinking, especially as you get some that are known as 'fence sitters' and they say one thing to one person and then something else about the same thing to another person. So you are not on your own at all there, ive misjudged so so many people in the past i honestly couldnt count them on my hands!! Your method is far more accurate so i would deffo stick to that! hehehe you have made me giggle again about your english book! good idea though to be fair!!! im not a huge fan of the creepies either ;)

The glittery ones are SO COOL in the dark! They give off thousands of tiny lights! Only reason I got a lava lamp over a glitter lamp was because I started chasing all the little lights from the glitter one on display and got very hyper. xD

I was recently donated some fur coats to use in my textiles lesson and became very attatched to the soft texture, its like having one of my cats shrunk down in my pocket as a substitute until I can go home and hug fasto (his name is Smokey but he's the soppiest fattest cat ever xD), so mum got me a rabbit foot keyring and a mink tail (sourced ethically, turns out after hundreds were released from a fur farm farmers around there have permission to shoot mink, waste not want not) which I have on a necklace to play with.

I reckon the reason it was so bad this time was because its the first time since the end of the last school year (June) that it's happened to me, thanks to the diagnosis and most of the teachers respecting it. It probably caught me unaware which is why it sprialled out of control slightly, usually before I got diagnosed it was expected but now it shouldn't be. Meh, I'll set the looney teacher on her once she's recovered. xD

For me the shaking is usually a sort of aftermath of my rants, which takes away most of the stress, so its probably the anxiety letting itself known.

It is terrifying trying to find out how other people feel and why, I was given a list of things to look out for in normal people by a teacher from the SEN department (I think she's more of the finances, not an actual caring one if you know what I mean) and it said something along the lines of:

'People often express themselves using their facial features, its important to recognise these, however, you must remember that many people will have different facial expressions for different emotions, and some may display no emotions at all.'

.....so basically, there's general rules to follow, that don't apply to the majority of people, and some don't express any emotion at all? Very helpful....not XD I'll stick to my current system of asking at points 'You ok?' and judging the responses I get.

All in all, there's no way anyone can ever really understand the way anyone else feels, but you can use comparisons. When I'm at my worst and I feel terrified lost and confused, its like standing on the white lines in the middle of the motorway, you can't go forward, you can't go back, and you can't stay where you are, but you're so scared of trying to move past all the fast moving traffic.

I've found that by forcing my mum to use metaphors like that I can pick out the emotions behind it and compare them to mine, so while I may be on a motorway, at her worst she may feel like she's in a maze without a map and simply gets annoyed and frustrated.

Plus you learn more about the persons feelings simply by how they say it, like if I'm stressed I may yell, raise my voice or wave my arms about while I speak while my mum may be relatively laid back and use long sweeping gestures to prove a point. :)

I think the only time I've ever seriously had a moment like Brad's was when I found a large (I'm talking 5 cms in diametre legs and all here) spider on my pillow when I was young. I screamed, flew to the other side of the bed and started crying hysterically (which rarely happens at all, once a year at most). Even when it was dead (courtesy of mum and her shoe) I was still curled up in a corner having trouble breathing. Now I tend to have a book nearby for bug squishing in general. I don't think this is what my old english teacher meant about taking a good thick book to bed with me though...

Forgive me i mistyped my last few sentences as my brain was thinking to quickly for my typing fingers lol! what i meant to say was, that maybe trying to use a comfort of yours or something that brings you safety and security might help to make a problem LESS WORSE then it already is? (sorry bout that)

Ahhh thank you :) i will tell him tomorrow :) yeah no doubt he will be up at his usual 6am if not earlier! Its good you have the TA to talk to, and im glad that you have now got different homework :) shame on that teacher though for being so nasty! im glad you dont have to sit through the assembleys, i kinda know what you mean about the disappointment thats meant in assemblies, it can get very personal, i disagree with assemblies for that purpose. i expect its easier said then done but you should really see how far youve come, i mean youve got through so much of your life without dagnosis, and achieved alot! So now you are working through the things that make you tick it can only get better, or understandable. So take the highs and the lows but know that after a low at some point there will be a high and that you arent alone with NAS :) Yeah it hit me like a ten ton of bricks if im honest because as a mother it is difficult to accept that your child feels different in a way that i will probably never fully understand. As a mom all you ever want to do is see youre child happy, healthy and safe, but seeing things differently i expect can throw an inbalance at times and that worries me, but we will muddle through :) Brad shakes real bad if he gets stressed. Basically when he was younger we noticed how extremely clean he likes to be ad how upset he got if you ruffled his hair to the point of crying. Brad got some drink on him the one day, he was having a bad day already just seemed a bit off, and he really exploded! he shook so much i thought he was going to pass out, he sweated and his heart felt like it was jumping outta his chest it was awful, he could hardly speakand his eyes looked so scared! i cleaned it off him, but to this day ive never seen him as bad as that and i hopefully never will. But yes he shakes sometimes but not consistently like it doesnt happen daily etc. is there anything that brings comfort to you that maybe doing that can help your anxieties? as i find with me if i have one anxiety it snowballs and it gets bigger and i havent even got an ASD! so im just thinkin that maybe trying to get comfort or safety / security might help make the problem worse then it aalready is? hey i showed them the lamps you were telling me about on you tube they loved them so theyre on the christmas list, brad likes the glittery red ones :)

Happy Birthday Callum XD

I bet he'll be up at some unearthly hour trying to make you wake up, good luck with that. ;)

Luckily its only one teacher, I have two art teachers but sadly the nice yet mental (her idea of art, throw things at a canvas and see what sticks, love it) is off ill. I went and ranted to my TA (rather than have the awkwardness of one following me around I just report in occassionally to complain or update her on how I feel) who looked as frustrated as I feel, she gave me an alternative set of work to do and said she'd email the confusing teacher to get to the bottom of it.

On the pro side she's also managed to get me out of school assembly's so I won't have to sit through them and get told how much of a failure I am (I know its directed at failing students but if they say you I just feel they're talking to me) so hopefully thats another stressful thing avoided. :)

I guess the link would be pretty emotional for someone not used to those feelings, I guess I've learned to just accept them as facts over the years, loved the song though as well as the simplicity of it, no fancy words just how most Aspies feel or are treated.

Also, just wondering if Brad and Callum shake when they tense up? I thought it was just the cold but since I've noticed when I'm getting anxious I've been noticing that I shake more than I thought I did. Starting to feel like a living marracca. xD

Hiya :)

Aww im so sorry to hear you are having such a rough time, omg the teacher seems a pretty unreasonable person!! I cant believe that theyre putting you through this! Is there no one nicer at the school you can talk to about this? i do hope that you can find some comfort to help you get back to your more happier self, i just cannot believe that theyve piled so much pressure on you! As for siblings... thats what they are there for, to wind you up he he he! not nice i know when youre having such a rough time though! I wondered where you had disappeared to, i do hope you feel a little better soon but you can always have a chat on here if it helps? i checked out that link you sent, what a fantastic summary it was, it did choke me a little if im honest as i wasnt quite prepared as its quite an emotional link i found. Hehe your right about FB the poke button is stupid! i love the pool game on mindjolt anf yeah the messages are a bit like any other message service, and the news feed is to read all your friends status updates. It can be good, but sometimes boring :/ We are all ok thank you callums gone to bed extremely excitied, its his birthday in the morning!! ;D

Hiya,

Sorry I haven't been able to reply for a few days, one of my art teachers managed to set off my anxiety by setting pointless and confusing cover work for the teacher off ill (detailed large observational drawings of objects....which of course no one has as WE WEREN'T TOLD TO NEED THEM) and she kept repeating herself when I tried asking for a logical reason why I had to research statistics I'd never use for my artwork.

Sadly since then my anxiety is on a rollercoaster track, once I think its safe to get off the ride I start getting dragged up another part of the coaster and sent off doing loop the loop (which is not good for my health or brain thanks) leaving me edgy at best and feeling traumatised at worst.

Got to the point where I even got into a vicious shouting match with my younger sister because her attitude and tone when she talked to me was a nudge too far. Luckily still retaining the ability to ignore the urge (and bloody hell is there an urge) to hit her and mum managed to intervene to try and calm me down.

Its almost like I'm trying to combat the emotions by shoving them in a box and sitting on the lid but the damn things keep trying to get out so it feels like a rodeo ride.

I genuinely only know three things about my facebook page, 1) there is a poke button which as far as I can tell serves no purpose 2) has some relatively decent games 3) other people can make a small box appear in the corner of the screen and can converse with you like Windows Messenger. Other than that I make my friend do everything else ^^

How're you and the boys?

Hiya :)

I cant begin to imagine how hard it must be for you figuring out others emotions. Like you said earlier its so easy to take for granted things that doesnt come easy to others. Yeah brad n callum are at CAMHS too :) Ah thank you for the link will take a look at it thats really thoughtful of you :) do you not find anyone on here similar or slightly older than you to talk to? you should post a new topic saying youre trying to find people a little bit older to talk to and can anyone help... its worth a shot :) is there a NAS facebook page? im just thinking if there was you mmight find someone more your age as it is generation FB these days eh?! I know its most likely of no help however i do think i should say that you are doing just fine your a very helpful kind person and a very good sense of humour, and whilst you have fears the person you are will always get you through anything. I think its safe to say that in life in general I have fears all he time its natural and you do overcome them one way or another, and i would imagine that must be even harder to do with an ASD, but you will do it. Youve got through schools and its not been easy but youve coped really really well! I really hope you manage to find someone older than you to talk to. I know of people older with some kind of ASD however not well enough to speak to them openly about it as i always prefer to people to speak to me if they feel comfortable, but if i do break that barrier in months to come then maybe i could ask if they could visit this site :) but they seem very happy and are doing great things with their lives, and you will too! you should try speaking to NAS im very new here as you know but i dont know if maybe they could put you in touch with someone who is a little older to give you insight?  Ive never heard of that Pineapple Dance Studio i will have to google it :) google is my best mate :) tells me all the things i dont know even though sometimes its highly exaggerated answers lol! i really hope you find some answer, if i think of anything i will let you know mate :) fingers crossed for you :)

p.s. forgot to say callum had a few rough patches today but on the whole was pretty good :)

Emotions are hard to understand, and once you think you've got them sussed, its hard working up the courage to say it I'm afraid.

I'm kind of surprised how hard it seems to be to get assessed to be honest....I got referred to CAHMs for OCD, the psycho said I sounded more like I had Aspergers syndrome, had an assessment the next appointment, appointment after that I was officially diagnosed. o.o

Maybe its because I've had more time to figure out I'm different? Or maybe the psycho was just dealing with a similar case and I happened to fit the profile while it was fresh in her brain.

I remember in some of your posts you wanted to try and understand how it feels to have some kind of autism, and I recently (half an hour ago) found this on youtube when trying to locate other teens with Aspergers (can't hurt to have more info) and I think its what you're looking for. Its got a pretty inspirational song and a load of pointers about how we feel and the issues we might face. I know its directed at Aspergers Syndrome but from what my teacher tells me most people on the scale have the same issues just some more or less than others. Hope it helps :)

www.youtube.com/watch

Its really accurate too. I can relate to virtually all the points it makes, and maybe you could even have Brad go through it and point out the ones he thinks is relevant to him? Might be easier than the poor guy trying to come up with the answers himself.

I think it would be comforting if I could find someone older with similar problems like myself, if only so I could ask how they coped or what they learned so I won't have to make the same mistakes. Plus theres the added comfort of knowing you're not alone and having some knowledge of whats to come.

Also! Has Brad ever watched Pineapple Dance studios? Its actually really funny and (most of it) is an accurate representation of how a dance studio is run. Might be useful and entertaining for him if he ever wants to go down a dance career path. ^^

Hiya :D

thats brilliant that your appointment went well, sounds like you made real progress and have found things that you want looking at and thats brilliant :) I hope they can bring some more ideas on your next visit :) Ahh bless Elliott he sounds like hes rather energetic too! :) and as for th dalek i think id be a bit freaked out to be fair :) Im glad u can relate to brads noises :) yeah its not long before its time to pick callum up im sure hes had a fab day, callum likes museums, i just hope there wasnt anything to trigger him like you say else i could be in for a chat at home time :/ but im thinkin he should be ok hopefully :) brads appointment went ok, it was vague but i expected that. The lady was very nice, she said that brad had learning difficulties and alot of anxieties however some of his behaviours / answers were possibly ASD. Shes going to investigate all of these avenues and see what happens so at least we know one way or another we will get to the bottom of this :) I told Bradley about you, it did make him smile and he loved the lava lamp you were on about as i showed him on you tube. I think it gave him a bit of confidence that someone whos older than him sometimes had similar things :) he looks up to teens :) Brads home now but hes acting a little awkward, he doesnt like talking about his emotions / thoughts very much, he would much rather worry himself over them, so i think he kinda doesnt know what to say or do so have put the PS3 on for him :) will let you know how Callum gets on  :D

Hi again :)

Appointment went well, they're going to see me more to try and get my emotions in check, in my head theres always logic and emotion, people teach you all about logic but they just assume you know all about dealing with you feelings.

Other than having a nice chat to my desk (or Ipod, its called Ipodamee because apparently I'm constantly 'plugged in' to it) there's no other way that I deal with my emotions, I express them through art but apparently that's not always the answer, will hopefully find out the answer soon then. As I said to the psycho, logic is like a game of tetris, sometimes things don't fit and you get gaps but it's always possible to work around them and win the level. But with emotions, its like some nutjob asked picasso to paint the shapes so nothing fits anywhere while you're trying desperately to still win the game.

Eliott sometimes runs up to us and just makes sounds of something he likes, similar to Brad, its kind of like charades but with sounds, usually if he's making 'blub blub blubble' sounds and freaky laughs it means spongebob's on (I don't understand the show, never have, never will, will occassionally poke a stuffed toy in the shops but other than that.... Spongebob: Illogical, does not compute. A sponge, under the sea, that wears trousers and speaks? O.o) or that he's seen something with spongebob on.

One time he came running in to us making strange noises and dragged me (being the eldest) out to the window where I came face to face with a dalek. Now, after about five episodes of Doctor Who, I can safely say everyone else just screamed and ran.

Other kids: DALEK!

Elliot: Exaggimate!

Me:......Dad.....theres a dalek at the window....

Safe to say he thought I was mental at the time until it chased him down the road. Turns out the mechanic that lived down the road was a Doctor Who fan too, and made a life sized remote control Dalek.

I think I know where Brad's coming from in the 'drown out the alarm attempt'. At school they have the bells all over the place, and if I happen to be near them when they go off I'll often cover my ears with my hands and try to drown out the sound by mimicking it, that way I drown it out and other people often don't notice what I'm doing because they can't hear me. I think its more to do with the pitch of the bell than the actual noise, as the pitch really hurts my ears unless I try covering it up with my voice. Fortunately I'm rarely near a bell when it goes off thanks to my speedy walk.

Good luck to Callum and the trip, maybe the toys will keep him distracted long enough so that his brain doesn't have a chance to come up with a reason to 'act out' or get too excited. :)