Hate it

I have had people telling me I 'must be mild' because I can come across well, I speak well, I can maintain basic conversation, and I have basically learnt how to 'pass' as NT. However, I have learnt these skills through patient observation  and I have used my reasonably high intelligence to compensate for my deficits. This does not mean that I find socialising easy or have lost my Asperger's - it just means I am an example of what is possible if you apply your intellect and learn how to be social. I can only maintain the act for a short period before my mind starts to feel overloaded, I lose coherence, and I start to shut down. Most people never see any florid Asperger symptoms because they are not with me for any length of time, or they do not see me in moments of stress.

I know that people are trying to be nice when they tell me I 'must be mild', but this comment is an ignorant assertion, and people need to be educated. Far from the remark being a source of encouragement, it makes me feel that my condition is not being taken seriously, and this leads to self doubt and confusion. The remark can come across as an underhand way of saying ''I don't really think you have Asperger's!'. This may or may nor be their intent but as Neurotypicals often do not say what they mean, it leaves me questioning what they are trying to convey.

In fact, my Asperger's is anything but mild, and if they only knew my history and the time and effort it has taken for me to 'pass' as NT, they would understand the struggles I have experienced in the past and present. My mask is very fragile and it does not take much for me to crumble and reveal my hidden self. I act a part, but not with any emotion or genuine understanding. It all feels fake and contrived, but I have developed enough social understanding to know how to blend in. This prevents me from being bullied, but it negatively affects my self esteem, and I really do not know how much longer I can maintain the facade.

I have had people telling me I 'must be mild' because I can come across well, I speak well, I can maintain basic conversation, and I have basically learnt how to 'pass' as NT. However, I have learnt these skills through patient observation  and I have used my reasonably high intelligence to compensate for my deficits. This does not mean that I find socialising easy or have lost my Asperger's - it just means I am an example of what is possible if you apply your intellect and learn how to be social. I can only maintain the act for a short period before my mind starts to feel overloaded, I lose coherence, and I start to shut down. Most people never see any florid Asperger symptoms because they are not with me for any length of time, or they do not see me in moments of stress.

I know that people are trying to be nice when they tell me I 'must be mild', but this comment is an ignorant assertion, and people need to be educated. Far from the remark being a source of encouragement, it makes me feel that my condition is not being taken seriously, and this leads to self doubt and confusion. The remark can come across as an underhand way of saying ''I don't really think you have Asperger's!'. This may or may nor be their intent but as Neurotypicals often do not say what they mean, it leaves me questioning what they are trying to convey.

In fact, my Asperger's is anything but mild, and if they only knew my history and the time and effort it has taken for me to 'pass' as NT, they would understand the struggles I have experienced in the past and present. My mask is very fragile and it does not take much for me to crumble and reveal my hidden self. I act a part, but not with any emotion or genuine understanding. It all feels fake and contrived, but I have developed enough social understanding to know how to blend in. This prevents me from being bullied, but it negatively affects my self esteem, and I really do not know how much longer I can maintain the facade.

Same here!  It is so tiring!!  And when you start to waver a bit they think you "give in" to your Asperger's.  I kept up the NT-pantomime for years and now I am so exhausted (and sick).

When someone says I must have a mild version of ASD, I tell them there are no mild versions, only autists who do more of an effort to hide it, which means the ones you think have mild autism, are having the hardest time!!