hate when people say that i dont seem to be on the Autistic spectrum just because i type well
in reality i would find it difficult to say all this using my mouth
the psychologist diagnosed me with Aspergrs so why people say stuff like that....just sucks
Hi! Just ignore them. You know better than those people. Sounds like they've got their facts muddled and haven't learnt all the facts.
Sometimes people will say things like that because they are trying to make you feel better. i.e. they are saying that you don't sound terribly affected so you are OK as far as they can see. As YF says, they don't understand the impact of being on the spectrum. Most people are well meaning and aren't mean and horrible so it might be best to take their remarks as encouragement rather than criticism.
Yellow sunflower - will try to ignore, can be difficult at times
recombinatesocks- it makes things worse when they say stuff like that so its difficult to try to think they are encouraging me, i never put myself down because i have it
I have had people telling me I 'must be mild' because I can come across well, I speak well, I can maintain basic conversation, and I have basically learnt how to 'pass' as NT. However, I have learnt these skills through patient observation and I have used my reasonably high intelligence to compensate for my deficits. This does not mean that I find socialising easy or have lost my Asperger's - it just means I am an example of what is possible if you apply your intellect and learn how to be social. I can only maintain the act for a short period before my mind starts to feel overloaded, I lose coherence, and I start to shut down. Most people never see any florid Asperger symptoms because they are not with me for any length of time, or they do not see me in moments of stress.
I know that people are trying to be nice when they tell me I 'must be mild', but this comment is an ignorant assertion, and people need to be educated. Far from the remark being a source of encouragement, it makes me feel that my condition is not being taken seriously, and this leads to self doubt and confusion. The remark can come across as an underhand way of saying ''I don't really think you have Asperger's!'. This may or may nor be their intent but as Neurotypicals often do not say what they mean, it leaves me questioning what they are trying to convey.
In fact, my Asperger's is anything but mild, and if they only knew my history and the time and effort it has taken for me to 'pass' as NT, they would understand the struggles I have experienced in the past and present. My mask is very fragile and it does not take much for me to crumble and reveal my hidden self. I act a part, but not with any emotion or genuine understanding. It all feels fake and contrived, but I have developed enough social understanding to know how to blend in. This prevents me from being bullied, but it negatively affects my self esteem, and I really do not know how much longer I can maintain the facade.
Same here! It is so tiring!! And when you start to waver a bit they think you "give in" to your Asperger's. I kept up the NT-pantomime for years and now I am so exhausted (and sick).
When someone says I must have a mild version of ASD, I tell them there are no mild versions, only autists who do more of an effort to hide it, which means the ones you think have mild autism, are having the hardest time!!
Yeah, I’m the same. I love it. I’m like a little ball of fire, doing my little part to help people to understand autism better. I say exactly what you say, that there’s no such thing as mild autism. I’m so grateful that these people are willing to share their understanding of autism with me as it gives me the opportunity to help them understand it a little better. Of course a non autistic person can’t really know what it’s like to be autistic, any more than we can know what it’s like to not be autistic and I feel so privileged that people are willing to share their understanding with me and give me the opportunity to talk about it and help them see a little of what the world looks like through our eyes and in return, I am open to learning a little more of what the world looks like through their eyes, because of course, I have only observed this from the outside looking in, which as we know, often gives an inaccurate impression. I feel so lucky when people tell me I can’t be autistic etc as it is part of my new life mission to help as many people as I can to learn more about autism and for me to learn more about nt’s, so they provide me with a very valuable opportunity and I’ve found I’ve made some lovely friendships and connections with so many more people than I would have previously by spreading awareness of autism, it has really opened up my world. I find people are often delighted when they find out more about autism, they seem to find it almost as fascinating as me, which is a great joy to me because I love sharing my special interests with other people. So yes, I’m very grateful to these generous people for being so open and honest and sharing their understanding of autism with me.
Hope said:I have had people telling me I 'must be mild' because I can come across well, I speak well, I can maintain basic conversation, and I have basically learnt how to 'pass' as NT.
Sigh.
Ah yes, that classic gem of a response, "well, you don't look Autistic" or "you must be mild"... said with a smile as if you should be grateful that they've deemed you almost close to their 'normal'.
On the one hand, yes... the Allistics do probably mean well, even if it is coming from a place of ignorance. But equally, there is another flavour I detect beneath it all.
On the rare occasions I do talk about Autism with Allistics, they seem to have an innate defense mechanism whereby they don't want to concede that you have it, or very real troubles. Because they don't know how to talk about, or handle Autism, they try to demean it, and your life experiences. They're far more comfortable if you only have 'a little bit of Autism'. As such, it's these experiences that led me to understand The Second Rule to Being Autistic:
"... Neurotypicals will not allow you to be Autistic."
You are Lucky in that respect!
Exactly! I have the feeling they're scared that they'll "make it worse" by acknowledging it. Funny, because I also used to think that it was consoling to hear your situation is not all that bad. Now I realise, it just makes you want to scream ...
I reckon coping with the reactions of others should be included in the official post diagnosis procedures.
I was delighted to receive my diagnosis relativey recently at age 52, but was just gutted by the reactions of others.
From disbelief, to pretending not to hear or just plain ignoring it....I got the lot.
I found the best way was to join a local Asperger Support Group.
Good luck and keep positive