Looking for some advice

Long winded?  You obviously haven't seen my posts then!  lol

I find what's best for me is just knowing there is someone there.  Trust is a big thing for people on the autism spectrum.  My partner gives me space and just says if you need me I'm here.  He doesn't try and fix me, like my ex did.  he was always saying, what can I do to help, what can I do to get you better.  This is who I am and this is the way I will always be.  I'm not broken, so don't try and fix me.

I'm a poet and I didn't know it.

Well its been a few days now and I have been doing things a little different I have been more clear when telling Hubby what i want and expect from him rather than leaving him to second guess and what a diffence it has made its a small step but a more positive sunnier outlook #feeling less desperate and more positive thank you all 

7072rebeccab said:

My question to anyone who can help is how do i support and help him as the way he is is obviusly not his fault and i love him no less now than the day i married him im just not sure i can cope much more as i myself have a serious health issue that i could do with his support on right now but obviously he does not understand this.

Poeple with ASVs often miss polite hints that would be obvious to the NT. Have you tried telling him in unambiguous terms that you need him to do better?

Also, u may prefer a person to talk too as well as books. It maybe,your husband requires outside help to help him relate more. Go 2 your g.p and explain your finding it extremely tough and you can't cope on your own. Perhaps there is a local support group for people with autism.

Thank you for your reply, i will indeed source the books you have suggested, any help and information i get can get is much appreciated, and will hopefuly help in moving forwards, its obvious now that its a very complex condition that i far more understood in my nephew than my husband and the way i handle both situations are indeed very different.

kindest regards

Is it fair to say that he doesn't understand your own health situation?

A large part of Aspergers is not being able to process non-verbal information, both to read facial expressions and body language, and to generate these aspects of communication directly. Therefore it will be very difficult for him to show the reactions he might otherwise wish to show.

Secondly if you have lived a life without those inputs and understandings you cannot expect him to have acquired social responsiveness except where he has been able to work out conventional expectations by other ways.

Thirdly if you spend a lifetime getting "burned" socially, you do tend to retreat into yourself and look for solace in solitary activities.

So it may not be so much he doesn't understand, but that he cannot respond in ways you might expect from someone not on the autistic spectrum.

You could give some thought to what, given the above constraints, he could do to be supportive. Such instruction might seem more appropriate to a child, but without social interfacing over decades, it boils down to having very simple relational and supportive activities explained.

There's a book you might find useful - "Asperger's Syndrome and Adults.... Is anyone listening? Essays and Poems by Partners, Parents and FDamily Members of Adults with Asperger's Syndrome" collected by Karen E Rodman, Jessica Kingsley Publishers 2003 (ISBN 1 84310 751 1  this code will help a librarian or book shop find it). Also try "Asperger Syndrome & Social Relationships" in the Adults Speak out about Asperger Syndrome Series, edited by G Edmonds & L Beardon  (Jessica Kingsley Pub 2008; ISBN 978 1 84310 647 0). Both these books give a variety of personal accounts of the difficulties and ways around them.