neighbours

I actually think that R'socks advice is better than mine. It is never too late to at least try and improve things. If your girlfriend says you can appear a little intimidating, then maybe they are a little scared of you, hence being over defensive. 

If you think inviting them for tea is a step too far at present, then why not just try a smile and a wave, or goodmorning and just alleviate the tension. If they are wary of you, it may take a while, but you are a nice person and you need to display that on your face, so that they can see you mean them no harm, and have good will towards them. Christmas is approaching, and a card can help with the ice breaking process. You may never be friends, but may achieve peaceful coexistence. I am much too confrontational, it gets me into difficulties.

No Char1992.

Can't you report it to the police, and/or go to Citizens advice bureau. To know what you can do.

Also in the day can't you wear headphones to listen to music to make kit/sound go away, at night can't you wear ear muffs to make the sound bog away.

i've also had some problems with my neighbour from upstairs/flat above, (now previous neighbour)

He stole my bike, he tried to get into my property by smashing the/my window.

he throw things out of his window into my garden, plates, stones, cans, orange juice bottles, bags (full on over the counter medicine and milk bottles) 

He set alight my bin.

He's now gone. Your not alone.

Thankyou for your replies,

I have taken on board all that has been said, though I feel it has gone past making friends with them, I have decided just to ignore the noise even if its towards me and I havent contacted the landlord or council for a long time and so far things have been quieter for around a week or two.

I will not have the time to record every little noise and it is frustrating to write down everything and its not the noise really its the attitude of somebody trying to upset you for no reason and intentionally, it was never about the noise because I am not sensetive to noise unless its extremely loud like an ambulance. The thing is that I can 100% tell you that the noises are directed at me and not normal, such as the lady in the past shes opened her window then slammed it closed seconds later...

I am not good with confrontation no, but I didnt meet the downstairs when I moved in for two reasons, I was busy moving in and then decorating, then, because the downstairs was absolubtly silent for the first year I assumed it was just a little old lady on her own perhaps and nothing to worry about. I should have met them to be honest it would have solved a lot of problems and also where the upstairs have annoyed me in the past and I reacted to them I assume they thought that was directed at them.

I am a nice person but even my girlfriend says to me that if she didnt know me she would think im intimidating, but I cant help it I dont try to be and im not large build im very slim so I think it is a sterotype that I look like a 'geezer' like a pub man! When I knocked on the door my voice was calm and I was polite so I done all I could.
My gut instincts tell me theyve done it all this time to annoy me and perhaps try to make me have mental health problems but all they have done has failed because I am strong minded.

Imjust going to move on with my job and ignore any future harrassment from them. All I know is anyone who takes time out of their life that cannot be replaced, to harrass and upset another who they dont know, they must not have a life of their own. Also cant be very happy people.

Thanks for advice

Charlie

There are a number of issues here.

1. You live in a flat which sounds very badly insulated for noise.

2. your neighbours don't seem very nice. Perhaps they can hear your every move? Perhaps they are sensitive to noise too?

3. You are extra sensitive to noise

4. You are possibly not brilliant at the social aspects of getting on with neighbours. This would be expected given your ASD. How good are you at judging the intention of a grin from someone you don't know very well?

I suspect that neither the landlord nor the local council can do much about any of these factors. If you pursue it then you may really antagonise the lady downstairs.

The downstairs lady's daughter will naturally take her side and if the lady is indeed not mentally sound then the daughter will be worried about the neighbours that her mother is "lumbered" with. She is liable to be very suspicious of any neighbours who behaving at all oddly and you may unfortunately be alarming them.

If they knew that you were actually a nice person who is not trying to harrass anyone then their attitude may change. You could invite the lady and her daughter in for a cup of tea and try and get to know them a bit better. You could say that you are sorry that you haven't made friends before. You could talk to them about the job are are hoping to get, you could talk about the weather, you could talk about the flat and the landlord but don't make any accusations or aspersions about the lady or her daughter.

If she does have mental problems then doesn't she deserve as much sympathy as you can muster? However, do not raise any suspected mental issues when you talk to her as this is a very inept thing to do with people you don't know very well at all.

I believe you can get help from the local council re noise. You have to keep a detailed record of the disturbance, dates times duration etc. You may also need to ask the person to keep quieter and record that too. You seem to have done that part already, via your landlord.

I suggest that you contact your local council, and ask if they have any procedures for dealing with noisy neighbours. We all need our home to be a peaceful refuge. I hope that you can resolve this. Citizens advice may also be able to help. Good luck.

Hi recombinantsocks,

I have tried everything but it is impossible where I live because you must be a top priority and match a strict criteria such as a physical disability.

I do believe the woman has mental problems for sure probably paranoia as well but it doesnt explain why her daughter helps her as it seems and grinned at me too, unless the woman is telling her lies about me.

I would use earplugs but I have a problem with one of my ears I dont know what but if I put anything in it such as headphones for music it aches and gets very hot so earplugs is out of the question.

I have since avoided her but saw her the other day as she was going into her flat from the roadside and she acted weird (as expected), had a weird look which looked guilty and she kept looking at me and looking away like she was scared.

But I have lived here for over 2 years and not once have her or any of her family ever knocked on my door or spoken to me, only about me and shouted through walls. I dont look vulnerable so perhaps they are scared!!!!]

Charlie

Hi longman,

Thanks for your input, I get what you are saying, noise travels in weird ways and it is expected that when you live in apartments or flats to hear noise from others.
I have never lived in a converted house, do you think it is better to have less neighbor problems?

I did sleep in my frontroom for a while, but unfortunately I could hear the noise worse and the upstairs neighbors would come into the frontroom and stomp like crazy and seemed to know I was sleeping there instead.

I have complained about the noise, but the landlord hasnt helped and I have realised this and decided just to get out in the day and just learn to live with the night time noise which I am able to block out now through selective hearing, I just leave my tv on low and focus on that instead, which really helps.

Moving is difficult where I am because you have to be a top priority to move and neighbor problems are not considered a priority unless there is a physical threat, but lucky I will be working soon and wont have to worry.

Charlie

Noise in purpose built flats is a strange phenomenon. It travels through walls and ceilings in an odd way you don't experience in semi-detached or terraced houses.

I recall many years ago, in university halls of residence, I was regularly disturbed by very loud rock music with a heavy base beat. It was coming from one side of my room (the opposite wall being next to a utility room). So I started knocking on my neighbour's door asking him to turn down the noise. He would always insist he was listening to Bach, and it did seem to me that when he opened the door, that is what I was hearing - very quiet Bach.

It got to very bitter feelings between us. I suspected him of turning off the Rock music and subsituting the Bach as soon as I knocked on his door. The reality, it turned out, was the noise came from a room above the other side of the utility room (1 floor up, 2 rooms the opposite direction). Yet the sound clearly came from the wall separating me from the Bach player, whereas the Bach player couldn't hear the Rock music at all.

Sound travels in flats and if you cannot cope with it it is best to get out. Of course if you are renting on a small budget that can be hard, but you may find it easier in flats in a converted house.

The trouble is you may not think you are making much noise, but the structure of purpose built flats, with concrete floors and service ducts set within the walls, may amplify your least sounds. Added to which you have the problem of people working shifts or anti-social hours who may be up and about when you are trying to sleep. Another well known problem is people who leave their dogs in their flats while out to work (whether permitted to keep pets), so the dogs bark incessantly. Living near the lift shaft or stair well is aals a common problem.

You can complain about the noise. I think you have to try to steer clear of alledging insanity, or weirdness/goofyness. Whether they swear a lot or laugh loudly isn't really your concern, just that in the process they are too loud for your comfort. People are entitled to live their lives freely so long as they do not disturb others. But resolving neighbour noise has long been a conflict issue, and it gets very bitter as people start colouring the issue with allegations about the neighbours morals. Think, your comments get passed around, and get back to your neighbours as gossip.

Have you tried rearranging your flat so you sleep in the room least affected by noise above? 

It sounds like you need to move out of your flat! Your neighbours sound dreadful and incapable of considering you at all. They may well have mental problems and if this is the case then you should probably just avoid them and keep yourself to yourself. Have you tried earplugs to help you sleep?