• Replies 4 replies
  • Subscribers 31 subscribers
  • Views 157 views
  • Users 0 members are here
Options
Related
Hints and tips
  • To quote someone's message, first select/highlight the relevant text, and then use the Quote button that appears
  • To "mention" someone, type @ followed by the start of the forum name, and choose from the list; that person will get a notification of being mentioned

Going into the future

K.aylee07

I have a daughter whom was diagnosed at the age of 18, through primary school she was very quiet and shy and it was a little village school so only 40 kids max so she had a lot of 1:1 support.

Secondary school was much different, she struggled to make friends and only had approx 2-3, after attending school all day she would isolate herself in her bedroom and 9 times out of 10 needed to sleep. I didn't realise at the time she was exhausted from masking all day to her friends to "appear" like them and needed the sleep to regulate herself. She also attended the school nurse whom palmed her off as "depressed" which did really make her feel low and more lonely.

She now attends college and has been here for 2 years, they was very attentive and picked up that she struggled in areas of her time being there. They was truly helpful in helping me get a diagnosis for her. They've been great with making reasonable adjustments to support her through her lessons and exams. 

Now she's going into her 3rd year I can't help but notice her anxiety levels have heightened. She's struggling to leave the house unless accompanied by a family member, I run her to and from college already but if we are in a shop and I ask her to ask a staff member something she is now breaking down, crying, breathing fast, refusing to stay in the shop and just wants to be home in her safe space. This anxiety is anything to do with something outside the home. 

Can anyone relate to becoming more anxious as they got older and had to have more adult responsibilities? What methods worked for you? Can the doctors or anywhere else help? I don't know where to turn. 

I can't help but worry as she's nearly at employment age and I can't hold her hand through the process, if I'm not there to help she will completely refuse to go and have a breakdown and this is breaking my heart to see her distressed. 

  • Adulthood does come with more responsibilities, but as you go outside family and school you begin to learn how the world operates, first by experiencing then questioning and gradually finding your own rules for how to live in this world. This comes slowly but is a natural process for any human [based on adaptation - which is how our species survived]. It may be hard, but college can be a jumping-off pad for the adult world, if she can share experiences with fellow students for example. 

    First, perhaps she needs to know differences between 'autistic' and 'neuro-typical'  - it might help to read a book on autistic traits by a world expert. Is she interested in how the mind and society work? I wonder if she might learn about the world through a study of psychology - perhaps a primer to start with? There is a highly regarded series of books about human behaviour by Desmond Morris. As a child, I had bad parenting but learned about relationships through reading world mythology, for example; this lead to a career in the NHS. Books are a good way of learning, if she can find the right ones. Also, it can be fun sitting in an outdoor cafe, alone or with a friend or family simply observing people. Hope this helps.

  • in reply to Iain
    Iain said:
    I started my post education life with a simple warehouse type job

    I worked at a large DIY chain, after losing my career for whistle-blowing. Though a stressful environment, I found it beneficial focussing on what, for me, was an easy job and quite well paid. I loved customer service and took pride in learning about what I was selling - garden tools and plants, then DIY hardware, then heavy trade tools. You can take pride in any job - it's your attitude that counts, not how society values, or undervalues, the job title. 

  • K.aylee07 said:
    Can anyone relate to becoming more anxious as they got older and had to have more adult responsibilities?

    yes - I would recommend helping your daughter learn techniques to  cope so she can go on to live as full a "normal" life as she chooses to.

    I don't know the specifics of your daughters autistic traits but there is often a strong resistance to change for autists and the fact that education is about to come to an end leaves the void of the "real world" beyond as a very scary thing and something likely to cause anxiety for even the best adapted of us.

    If you can afford it I would recommend getting her some sessions with a therapist who really understands autism and see if they can help with the immediate issues and also help teach techniques for coping with the stress that this anxiety brings.

    I started my post education life with a simple warehouse type job until I was able to get a job working with the technology I studied with. A low stress environment like this was great for me to process my situation and make the transition into something more challenging.

  • Hello Kaylee, and thank you for reaching out.  I am so sorry to hear the difficulties that your daughter is experiencing - it sounds incredibly distressing.  I hope that our community members can offer you some advice and support.

    You may also like to have a look at these NAS guidance pages for information that might be helpful to you and your daughter:

    Transitions - Help with transitioning between areas of life, e.g. school to college or college to employment.

    Employment - Information on how to find work, support on finding a job, reasonable adjustments that can be requested.

    Anxiety - Information on anxiety and how to access support, e.g. counselling or therapies.  Speaking to your GP in the first instance is recommended, as they are best placed to be able to signpost your daughter to further help.

    It may also be a good idea to speak to your daughter's college, as you mention they have been supportive of her needs and reasonable adjustments in the past, and they may be able to offer extra help while she is there.

    I hope this can be of some help to you.  Good luck to you and your daughter, and please do feel free to post again and let us know how she is getting on.