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Going into the future

K.aylee07

I have a daughter whom was diagnosed at the age of 18, through primary school she was very quiet and shy and it was a little village school so only 40 kids max so she had a lot of 1:1 support.

Secondary school was much different, she struggled to make friends and only had approx 2-3, after attending school all day she would isolate herself in her bedroom and 9 times out of 10 needed to sleep. I didn't realise at the time she was exhausted from masking all day to her friends to "appear" like them and needed the sleep to regulate herself. She also attended the school nurse whom palmed her off as "depressed" which did really make her feel low and more lonely.

She now attends college and has been here for 2 years, they was very attentive and picked up that she struggled in areas of her time being there. They was truly helpful in helping me get a diagnosis for her. They've been great with making reasonable adjustments to support her through her lessons and exams. 

Now she's going into her 3rd year I can't help but notice her anxiety levels have heightened. She's struggling to leave the house unless accompanied by a family member, I run her to and from college already but if we are in a shop and I ask her to ask a staff member something she is now breaking down, crying, breathing fast, refusing to stay in the shop and just wants to be home in her safe space. This anxiety is anything to do with something outside the home. 

Can anyone relate to becoming more anxious as they got older and had to have more adult responsibilities? What methods worked for you? Can the doctors or anywhere else help? I don't know where to turn. 

I can't help but worry as she's nearly at employment age and I can't hold her hand through the process, if I'm not there to help she will completely refuse to go and have a breakdown and this is breaking my heart to see her distressed. 

Parents

  • Adulthood does come with more responsibilities, but as you go outside family and school you begin to learn how the world operates, first by experiencing then questioning and gradually finding your own rules for how to live in this world. This comes slowly but is a natural process for any human [based on adaptation - which is how our species survived]. It may be hard, but college can be a jumping-off pad for the adult world, if she can share experiences with fellow students for example. 

    First, perhaps she needs to know differences between 'autistic' and 'neuro-typical'  - it might help to read a book on autistic traits by a world expert. Is she interested in how the mind and society work? I wonder if she might learn about the world through a study of psychology - perhaps a primer to start with? There is a highly regarded series of books about human behaviour by Desmond Morris. As a child, I had bad parenting but learned about relationships through reading world mythology, for example; this lead to a career in the NHS. Books are a good way of learning, if she can find the right ones. Also, it can be fun sitting in an outdoor cafe, alone or with a friend or family simply observing people. Hope this helps.

Reply

  • Adulthood does come with more responsibilities, but as you go outside family and school you begin to learn how the world operates, first by experiencing then questioning and gradually finding your own rules for how to live in this world. This comes slowly but is a natural process for any human [based on adaptation - which is how our species survived]. It may be hard, but college can be a jumping-off pad for the adult world, if she can share experiences with fellow students for example. 

    First, perhaps she needs to know differences between 'autistic' and 'neuro-typical'  - it might help to read a book on autistic traits by a world expert. Is she interested in how the mind and society work? I wonder if she might learn about the world through a study of psychology - perhaps a primer to start with? There is a highly regarded series of books about human behaviour by Desmond Morris. As a child, I had bad parenting but learned about relationships through reading world mythology, for example; this lead to a career in the NHS. Books are a good way of learning, if she can find the right ones. Also, it can be fun sitting in an outdoor cafe, alone or with a friend or family simply observing people. Hope this helps.

Children
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