Paranoia

My brother always talked to himself and even got attacked in Birmingham. He took up martial arts and the last I heard was a brown belt. He still talks to himself, people still laugh but he ignores them - because at the dojo he learned self control and never to attack anyone. So I consider him the better person.

There are good people and stupid people and always will be. Look at them as stupid and simply feel sorry for them - stupidity is a kind of disability, after all!

sadly there is a lot of fraud, so they are doing their jobs. Just send what they ask for and keep this in mind. This will help you maintain your mental health.

TheCatWoman said:

I'd also be thinking what shallow people to be laughing at someone being different and be glad that I don't have to live in their heads.

Quite right too.

I no longer work and when I did I was mostly self employed, but I can't imagine where I would go that would make people laugh at me. There are no local pubs, I mean obviously there are pubs locally, but they don't tend to cater for people who live here.

Being laughed at would upset me, but I'd also be thinking what shallow people to be laughing at someone being different and be glad that I don't have to live in their heads.

Hmm it’s hard to work out. Once someone shouted very loudly at me ‘dungarees!’ But I think they were high on something. 

When I have asked friends, they just give vague answers. I'm not obviously different, physically, in fact very boring looking ,and without wishing to pass any judgement I see many people who look very much more 'unusual' than me eg dyed hair or unusual clothes  but don't see them being glanced at as I am. So I don't know what the key factor is, it feels illogical 

I'm also not that young, I'm 38 , but this is getting worse, not better, over time. 

Right, but my question is, why are we so understanding of neurotypical attitudes in this respect? If someone has a clear , visible difference, i.e. they are a wheelchair user, they wouldn't tolerate being laughed at or stared at. Why should I accept being treated differently for a more subtle difference? 

I'm paranoid most of the time.  Sometimes its justified,  such as workmates laughing behind my back and employers plotting to fire me.

My latest paranoia is thst the DWP is investigating me for benefit fraud.   They've demanded that I send them four months of bank statements,  both current and savings accounts, showing all transactions.  Plus proof of address such as a utility bill.  Plus my tenancy agreement signed by all relevant parties.   I had to do the same just two and a half years ago.  Do they think that I'm some kind of secret millionaire?

Have you got anyone in your life who you could trust to be honest with you and tell you if you do anything unusual? 
I talk to myself out loud in public sometimes but I know I’m doing it. When I feel I’m being looked at by other people I find I don’t walk easily and I can feel exactly what my hands and arms are doing and it becomes something I think about rather than automatic, urgh. 

A memory of me sat at a bus stop aged about 20 has just popped into my head. O I didn’t feel good about myself at all and I remember some other young people talking about me a bit meanly, oh the awkwardness of youth! 

Not as bad now I’m much older but as a young person it was pretty chronic. I still feel it sometimes but I don’t tend to be in too many social situations. I do know that I move and act differently to most people so I do understand that people maybe take a second glance but not laughing at me.

Yes, I think this is a bit similar to how I feel. But for me it's partly that I don't feel awkward in my own mind , I feel like I'm fine in my own head, so I don't get why others look at me askance as if I look really weird. I've been told it might be my expression or body language/the way I walk. But they all feel like they're the same as others to me, so I don't get what others are seeing. ️

I can feel like everyone is looking at me and judging me in certain situations. I’m usually okay just out and about or if I have my uniform on for work, but parties, pubs, restaurants, shops, anywhere with more than a few people I begin to feel like everyone is staring at me because of how I look, or move. Then I feel like the way I walk or talk is very awkward and I have to concentrate hard to not lose myself in my head. Written down this makes me look completely unhinged, but it’s always been like this for me. 

 TheCatWoman 

Think this might explain part of how you feel -

Autism spotlight effect and RSD 

This combination causes autistic individuals to constantly monitor their own behaviour, leading to a state of emotional and physical exhaustion.

Not so bad as that but I felt it more when I was younger, especially in stressful situations. Since retiring I've chosen a solitary life that suits me. I sometimes had the feeling others were criticising me - but I've got over this since growing older. I think the trick is to focus on things you like doing and develop special interests.

I know one of the Mods gave some useful links for someone with a similar issue - if they see this, perhaps they can re-post the links. 

Not like that, I can go out, but in social situations I'm always on edge waiting to put my foot in my mouth and then use the other one to exctricate the first. I always meet people with a sense of dread and the dread follows me home. 

I've had to many people who I've gone out with criticise me after an event that I've been really embarrasing. I decided the amount of dread and agro wasn't worth it as often that's all I get out of socialising, if positive things came out of it then I might change my mind, but it all seems more trouble than it's worth.