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So disappointed

Cloudbaby1975

I asked my Dad to complete questionnaires with me as part of my right to choose assessment. He decided to complete them by himself and basically reported that there are no issues. I’m not surprised by this, he is completely unaware of my issues as is my mother. They are both autistic in my opinion. I’m so upset as I think this will go against me. I don’t have any evidence to support problems in childhood. I found the whole experience triggering and invalidating. A life time of feeling misunderstood. My friend suggested that my brother come to my assessment with me, he is autistic. I feel funny having him in there with me as I want to talk about personal things and not to have to censor myself around him. 

  • in reply to McFrost

    Thankyou. My brother and I completed questionnaires also. I have written a comprehensive report. My husband is going to write something and attend with me. I’m trying not to spiral. It really means such a lot to me. It will be what it will be. 

  • in reply to Stuart333

    Thank you. Yes I will try not to catastrophising and over think things. I have a pretty solid report that I have written. Being misunderstood by my family is pretty triggering but I’m not the first and I certainly won’t be the last. 

  • in reply to profdanger

    Thanks for responding. I think from his point of view he was being honest. I’ve been masking heavily my whole life. My husband has agreed to write something supportive and to attend the assessment with me. It surprised me how I upset I was when my Dad responded how he did. I had hoped there would be a level of shared understanding. I know my experience isn’t unusual. It will be what it will be. I’ve written pretty solid report so hopefully there’s enough evidence to go on. 

  • This is my issue with the assessment forms. I know what is going on in my mind and what I am struggling with and I have spent my whole life masking these things, so to expect my parents (who read the Daily Mail and think that these things are over diagnosed and people should just get on with it) to answer the questions in a useful way is pointless.

    If what your dad has written is completely unhelpful, could you get your brother to fill it in and say you can't ask your parents? Or alternatively, fill it in yourself (entirely honestly of course) and ask your brother to sign it?

  • In my (private) assessment I tried to keep my parents out of it as they are old, but they wanted to help and the person wanted to talk to them. They said in their questionnaire there were no particular issues, but it was a long term me ago. They were also spoken to.

    It didn't affect my (positive) result. The assessor should weight subjective evidence in your favour as you know what you feel. If they see evidence of masking they can make allowances.

    It is possible she noticed my parents are atypical so viewed their feedback in that light.

    But in my case they had decided I was autistic before starting so it was just a question of gathering enough evidence, so I don't know if it is representative.

    The main point being it doesn't necessarily go against you. If they think your parents are, you would expect them to see nothing. Try to keep an open mind.

  • I’m sorry, that is disappointing your father didn’t respond honestly. This is exactly why I believe assessments should not have a portion for childhood experiences. I wonder, is there any possibility your friend could go with? Even if they cannot support much in terms of giving information about your past, they can support by making you more comfortable during the assessment. And it might be less awkward than bringing your brother.