Newly diagnosed female 50+

Welcome fellow 'Lateling'

You are now just discovering the real you. Not the masked you of old. It will take time the length depends on you and what you have to process.

For me in my fifties it was a relevation though a real process of grief for the life lost. I am still processing but have become much kindlier to myself. Sometimes I fall back into my masking mode as a defence. It is not easy after a lifetime of unconcious masking. This community has given me strength to get through what is a very stressful time. I am awaiting an upcoming employment tribunal due to the discrimination and effectively ending of my career of over 30 years.

If you are anyway like me, the unknown is a very dangerous place to be for any length of time as you overthink, spiral and try to work out every possible scenario. My advice is to be kind to yourself and take time. As the saying goes; a journey of a thousand miles begins with one step forwards. 

Hi woodpecker - congratulations on your diagnosis and welcome to the community! 

Following a diagnosis, it can be common for us to experience a lot of emotional dysregulation, so please don't worry if you experience this - it's normal!  Besides perhaps feeling some relief about now having an explanation for our past difficulties, this can also include working through a phase where we experience confusion, uncertainty, so-called "imposter syndrome", and/or (backward-focused) anger, frustration, grieving, and more. 

As for many others here, my own diagnosis turned out to be much more of the start of a new journey, rather than a conclusion full of instant solutions for my difficulties.

The NAS has a great set of articles focused on "after diagnosis", including one covering how you might feel during the subsequent days / weeks / months. You might find them of interest and/or helpful:

NAS - How you might feel after a diagnosis - includes perspectives from other autistics

NAS - Other advice covering post-diagnosis including:

• Talking about and disclosing your autism diagnosis
• Emotional support for family members after a diagnosis
• Formal support following an autism diagnosis
• What can I do if formal support is not offered or is not enough

Therapy (or counselling, which I preferred) is often recommended after a diagnosis, as a follow up action for your GP to arrange. If you prefer, depending on where you are in the UK, you may instead be able to self refer for talking therapy on the NHS.

Before arranging it, you might find it helpful to borrow or buy this book, which includes discussion of various types of therapy and counselling, together with advice on choosing the right therapist or counsellor - all from an autistic person's viewpoint. Several of us here have found it very helpful:

The Autistic Survival Guide to Therapy

Finally, I'll just mention a couple of books that I and others have found helpful early on in our post-diagnosis journeys:

Self-Care for Autistic People: 100+ Ways to Recharge, De-Stress, and Unmask!

How to Be Autistic (free download currently available via this page)

You will spend ages, months, maybe a year or more, thinking about it.

I think, eventually, it is about not worrying about people pleasing, not worrying about fitting it, not worrying about looking like how you think you should look, not believing the advertising, lifestyle magazines, films, soaps and books, ignoring the social media (which gives a false impression of life), and trying to do what makes you feel comfortable.

I think that's it. 

Do what makes your nervous system feels calm. Since you can't be calm all the time, find ways to mitigate and cope with the bits that cause pressure and stress.

With a calm nervous system your thinking expands, you stop just surviving, you can then live when you stop putting yourself in a box.

I think it is 75% mental shift and 25% modification to what you do and how you do things. The 25% varies by person.

To get to the calm bit, you will reframe your past seeing it in a new light. Depending on what you have been through, this can be good, bad or horrible. But you will get through it. It necessary, seek counselling if you struggle and can afford it.

This process is destabilising because it is a wrench to your identity. If you are highly systematizing it rips up all the rules. It takes a while to put them all back in place again and work out what the model is again. You lose certainty for a while which is why people feel lost.

It will come back.

You can update yourself cognitively faster than emotionally. The emotions are slow and do their own thing. You can't force them, nor can you think your way out of it. This was my mistake. I tried to out think how I felt. Because I always have overridden how I felt. But that was what caused the burnouts and the struggles.

You become calm by doing calming things, not thinking about being calm harder.

It may be a bumpy road of ups and downs but you will come out of it stronger.

Hi woodpecker  congratulations on your diagnosis!!

I think self compassion is the key, just to take things slowly and let things unfold gradually.

It takes time adjust to a new way of being, a more gentle way and accepting that we don’t have to fit into a mold that was uncomfortable for us anymore.

Sending warm wishes.

Hello woodpecker. I’m still processing as diagnosed very recently also. I hope you will find this forum as welcoming and as helpful as I have. 

Hi woodpecker  - first of all, a warm welcome. Diagnosis is an emotional and life changing moment. A week is a very brief time to assimilate it - I am eight months in and still figuring things out,.Someone on a different thread noted a need to do a lot of re-filing of experiences, and others of us have experienced relief, validation, confusion and grief. Give yourself time and absolutely the self-compassion you mentioned. Know you are not broken, just different - and you are not alone.

Welcome woodpecker!

I think it takes time to process it really, a lot of rethinking memories and realising there was a reason why some things are so difficult. It can help a lot with forgiveness, and figuring out a way forward from here. 

Wishing you well.

Mine, at age 54, was both a shock and a revelation. It took some time to get used to, but now I see the positive benefits. There are so many diverse, clever, witty, intelligent and kind people on this chat site that I feel privileged to be one of the tribe - so, welcome in, woodpecker  and enjoy your new life!