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Meltdowns

Leeleelou

Hi everyone,

I’m posting because I’m still feeling quite shaken and could really do with hearing from parents who’ve been there.

My son is nearly 6 and is autistic. He is, by nature, a very gentle, kind, loving little boy. When he’s regulated he is affectionate, empathetic, thoughtful, and always wants to do the right thing. He’s very close to his younger brother, loves cuddles, and is genuinely a soft, caring child.

Last night, completely out of nowhere (it felt like), he became very dysregulated. We do have a lot going on at the moment — we’re in the middle of moving house — but this level of intensity was new for us.

During the meltdown he said some really shocking things, including saying he wanted to get a “weapon” from the utensil drawer and kill me. Writing that makes my stomach drop — hearing it from your own child is absolutely terrifying. 
In terms of the words he used, he loves watching Minecraft videos and understands that in the game you can remove a “baddie” or make them disappear, but he used the word kill. He also watches age-appropriate cartoons with fighting, swords, etc., like most children his age.

What’s confusing and upsetting is what happened afterwards. Once he calmed down, he was immediately remorseful. He kept saying sorry, reflecting on what had happened, saying “it wasn’t me”, and then he started trying to comfort me, trying to make things better. That side of him is so typical of who he is. And I’m wondering if those words just came out in overwhelm rather than meaning anything literally — but as a parent it’s hard not to spiral and think “what if?”

This felt so out of character and has left me questioning everything.

I guess I’m asking:

• Has anyone else experienced extreme language like this during autistic meltdowns?

• Did it pass?

• Is this something that’s common when children are dysregulated.

• And who is the best person to talk to about this — GP, SENCO, paediatrician, CAMHS, autism support lines?

I love my son fiercely and know who he is at his core, but last night really knocked me. I don’t want to overreact, but I also don’t want to ignore something important.

If anyone has been through similar or can point me in the right direction, I’d be incredibly grateful.

Thank you for reading white heart

  • in reply to pietro_21

    If he is receiving typical aggression/viciousness or being bullied by someone you might not know there is a problem.

  • It can be one thing, person or small change that causes a trigger. Maybe you should sit down and talk to him about it when he is totally calm ask what was thinking or feeling and what upset him. The would be a lot more sensible than putting him in front of a stranger and then asking the same questions. 

  • Good afternoon from America, Leeleelou.

    Ooo yeah I can see how moving could cause such an uproarious reaction from your son. It’s probably not the move itself, but the anticipation of the move that’s causing some severe disregulation. I’m guessing that once you’re moved in and settled into a new routine it will calm down quite a lot. However, that’s speculation, and you should probably look into getting professional help just in case I’m wrong.

    I agree with  , get him to the GP and see about getting a referral. Therapy could be a good option as well, as that could teach him invaluable lessons on self-soothing and deescalation of intense emotions. We did art therapy for our daughter and while she could do better at putting the things she learned into practice, the therapy did ultimately help her.

    My daughter hasn’t said hurtful things until recently - namely “You only love cleaning, not me!” or “I hate you!” - but the main thing to remember is that it is likely only an empty threat or insult. They are trying desperately trying to regulate themselves when they. Stay calm in the moment and then after he cools down make it clear that he is not to talk like that.

    I hope that helps a bit.

  • I haven’t experience of this either but in the meantime it may be helpful to contact your GP. They may be able to refer you to an appropriate service that might be accessible only through a referral. As far as I know, paediatric mental health services and CAMHS would be through a referral but they may also have knowledge of autism services in your area. 

    Just in case you haven’t seen the support and guidance section https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/family-life-and-relationships/family-life/family-relationships-a-guide-for-parents-and-carer

    There is a parent to parent support line service that may be helpful. 

    I hope someone here will have experience of this and be able to offer better advice. In the meantime, wishing you all the very best. 

  • MODERATOR - can anyone respond to this lady please? 

    LeeLee Lou - I've no experience of this but will try to ask a moderator if they can help. Meanwhile High brightnessHeart .