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Meltdowns

Leeleelou

Hi everyone,

I’m posting because I’m still feeling quite shaken and could really do with hearing from parents who’ve been there.

My son is nearly 6 and is autistic. He is, by nature, a very gentle, kind, loving little boy. When he’s regulated he is affectionate, empathetic, thoughtful, and always wants to do the right thing. He’s very close to his younger brother, loves cuddles, and is genuinely a soft, caring child.

Last night, completely out of nowhere (it felt like), he became very dysregulated. We do have a lot going on at the moment — we’re in the middle of moving house — but this level of intensity was new for us.

During the meltdown he said some really shocking things, including saying he wanted to get a “weapon” from the utensil drawer and kill me. Writing that makes my stomach drop — hearing it from your own child is absolutely terrifying. 
In terms of the words he used, he loves watching Minecraft videos and understands that in the game you can remove a “baddie” or make them disappear, but he used the word kill. He also watches age-appropriate cartoons with fighting, swords, etc., like most children his age.

What’s confusing and upsetting is what happened afterwards. Once he calmed down, he was immediately remorseful. He kept saying sorry, reflecting on what had happened, saying “it wasn’t me”, and then he started trying to comfort me, trying to make things better. That side of him is so typical of who he is. And I’m wondering if those words just came out in overwhelm rather than meaning anything literally — but as a parent it’s hard not to spiral and think “what if?”

This felt so out of character and has left me questioning everything.

I guess I’m asking:

• Has anyone else experienced extreme language like this during autistic meltdowns?

• Did it pass?

• Is this something that’s common when children are dysregulated.

• And who is the best person to talk to about this — GP, SENCO, paediatrician, CAMHS, autism support lines?

I love my son fiercely and know who he is at his core, but last night really knocked me. I don’t want to overreact, but I also don’t want to ignore something important.

If anyone has been through similar or can point me in the right direction, I’d be incredibly grateful.

Thank you for reading white heart

Parents

  • Good afternoon from America, Leeleelou.

    Ooo yeah I can see how moving could cause such an uproarious reaction from your son. It’s probably not the move itself, but the anticipation of the move that’s causing some severe disregulation. I’m guessing that once you’re moved in and settled into a new routine it will calm down quite a lot. However, that’s speculation, and you should probably look into getting professional help just in case I’m wrong.

    I agree with  , get him to the GP and see about getting a referral. Therapy could be a good option as well, as that could teach him invaluable lessons on self-soothing and deescalation of intense emotions. We did art therapy for our daughter and while she could do better at putting the things she learned into practice, the therapy did ultimately help her.

    My daughter hasn’t said hurtful things until recently - namely “You only love cleaning, not me!” or “I hate you!” - but the main thing to remember is that it is likely only an empty threat or insult. They are trying desperately trying to regulate themselves when they. Stay calm in the moment and then after he cools down make it clear that he is not to talk like that.

    I hope that helps a bit.

Reply

  • Good afternoon from America, Leeleelou.

    Ooo yeah I can see how moving could cause such an uproarious reaction from your son. It’s probably not the move itself, but the anticipation of the move that’s causing some severe disregulation. I’m guessing that once you’re moved in and settled into a new routine it will calm down quite a lot. However, that’s speculation, and you should probably look into getting professional help just in case I’m wrong.

    I agree with  , get him to the GP and see about getting a referral. Therapy could be a good option as well, as that could teach him invaluable lessons on self-soothing and deescalation of intense emotions. We did art therapy for our daughter and while she could do better at putting the things she learned into practice, the therapy did ultimately help her.

    My daughter hasn’t said hurtful things until recently - namely “You only love cleaning, not me!” or “I hate you!” - but the main thing to remember is that it is likely only an empty threat or insult. They are trying desperately trying to regulate themselves when they. Stay calm in the moment and then after he cools down make it clear that he is not to talk like that.

    I hope that helps a bit.

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