When do you say enough is enough!

Hi qcdj2009,

  I can only go with my own experience, but for me the parenting of a child with ASD and ADHD needs to be firm and consistant.

If my son senses a grey area he's awash with confusion and anxiety, additionally he questions a parents authority. At 10, your son is still a little young to know whats best for him.

Parenting is a delicate balance for the most able of us and striking an understanding between a childs genuine expression and what's right for them can be difficult, however he still needs the guidlines to which he will have to live life in the adult world. 'No' has to mean 'No' and these princples have to be taught for the child to have some framework and familiarity in later life.

If my sons routine is changed confussion and anxiety results. I know it's difficult as a single parent, but you need to be firm and consistant. When familiarity is established things become less fraught in my experience.

It may help to find a ASD support group in your area. Knowing you are not alone in some of the daily challenges you face can be the first step to finding the remedies that suit you. Remember no one person has all the answers and what suits one childs behaviors will not always suit another. It really is a matter of trying things and seeing what works for you.

Regards

Coogybear

Hi, I'm really sorry to hear about your problems. Do you have your family or good friends that you can go to and talk to about this?

I think Crystal12 is right in suggesting professional advice. Allowing your DS to get into that state begins to sounds like neglect or abuse to me. Social services may be able to help you get things sorted out?

Can I suggest that you make a call sooner rather than later for your sake as well as DS. It may be that your ex needs help too. It sounds like he's in a bad place too.

Hi, I think it's important that you + your ex try to work out a way of being consistent with your son. From what you say it sounds like he has a very different parenting style. Your son will be getting mixed messages.  Your ex needs to act in your son's best interests + if that means he shd advise him to take his meds, then he needs to understand that.  I don't know what meds your son takes but sometimes they need to be taken regularly, day in day out to have the best effect?  Clearly, if your ex still poses a danger to you then you need to seek professional advice about that.  Presumably he isn't aggressive + abusive to his son?  You've certainly had a hard time of it.  I hope things improve soon.

It's not that he doesn't have his medication, that doesn't bother me like you said I can give it to him here, it's the fact that my son is now saying I don't have ADHD and I don't have to take my medication.

We did not split up because of this, we spolit over 6 years ago because he was an alcoholic, agressive drunk who mental, emotional and physically abused me. DS was diagnosed just over 2 years ago. My ex just thinks he knows everything. DS has just come back from 9 days at dad's with his hands red raw and bleeding where is OCD makes him wash his hands all the time.

You separated from the father because, presumably, you were not getting on and agreeing with each other about everything.

now that you are separated, you will have to allow things to be done differently in his house just as he has to allow things to be done differently in your house. If he doesn't get his medication there then you can still make sure that he gets it at your house. Don't make a battle of he says vs she says. Just say that Mummy thinks it would be best for you, Daddy doesn't but we do things differently sometimes.

If he misses it for a few days then it won't kill him. This is not like diabetes where the medication is absolutely essential.