Workplace hidden rules

Hi Coolcar98

Welcome to the Online Community. I'm so glad you found us and hope you now feel you're not alone. You've had some excellent responses with useful advice and perspectives. I wanted to share our charity's employment information also so you can empower yourself with knowledge about your rights: https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/employment

Best wishes

Sharon Mod

NeuroVerse said:

I got told all overtime has to be pre-approved by this new boss. My can never guarantee when I will have to stay later than my contracted hours

Does your employer know of your autism diagnosis and have you requested reasonable adjustments to avoid this unpredictability?

If not then you could consider doing it now - also ask if your new manager can be brought up to speed on the implications of your autism (ie unpredictability = more stress for you than neurotypicals) and make the point that his more confrontational approach is causing you significant distress.

If they don't know this is causing a problem then they cannot do anything about it.

NeuroVerse said:

I also believed I understood safeguarding well and was following protocol well.

In your shoes I would keep all this in writing (specift you want all responses in writing because of your autism) by refreshing yourself on the procedures, asking your manager where they consider you have messed up and to clarify the specific section of the procedures that you got wrong.

I suspect the new manager is flexing their power to establish their authority which is unfortunately all too common. Typically this will pass but it not then my approach has always been to draw my line in the sand and decide when I will push back, but do it in a way that they realise that trying to push me around will cause them a world of pain.

While they follow the rules and procedures then I'm there for them but when they start making that stuff up and being a bully then I stop playing nice.

Whatever you do I suggest doing it by the formal rules, keeping it all in writing (including your objection and defence) and keep copies of all correspondence offsite in case things ever go badly and you need to make a formal complaint.

Only my opinion and thoughts. 

This is so sad and unfortunately familiar to read. 

I am currently struggling at work too. I've been in my workplace for less than a year. I work in a primary school and I've got a new boss. I'm unsure if it's just a personality clash, the boss trying to enforce their way of working, or I'm just not as good at my job as I thought I was.

I got informed by the new boss that a complaint has been made against me in relation to a student misunderstanding what I said in a conversation. I logged my concern after the initial conversation with the student in question for safeguarding reasons. I had a conversation the following day with my new boss about it and I thought it was sorted. I was then told the day after that conversation about the complaint.

A little while later that same day, I was told in front of others that I was doing something wrong. I apologised, finished my work shift, and went home feeling deflated, on edge, and very self-conscious. This week, when claiming my overtime hours, I got told all overtime has to be pre-approved by this new boss. My can never guarantee when I will have to stay later than my contracted hours due to the nature of my role. We are also short staffed.

My boss now wants a meeting with me regarding safeguarding, policies, and procedures. I am questioning if it is just me, if I'm overthinking the situation. I know the policies and procedures and demonstrated my understanding by asking questions about what I've read at the time of going through the induction paperwork. I also believed I understood safeguarding well and was following protocol well. I am applying to other jobs, but will those problems just repeat in a different setting?

Sorry you’re going through this.

Coolcar98 said:

I work for a small company

This will obviously have a significant baring on documentation available to you as small companies tend to lack the resources to do this sort of thing.

I'm afraid that this implies that it will not be a good environment for you long term as I doubt this will change.

Adaptability and flexibility will be core skills for this sort of environment and that involves a lot of having to work things out on your own so in your situation I would document everything I do carefully, stating the assumptions made so if it blows up and they try to blame you then you can show them how you reached the resolution you did.

There may be scope to make yourself indispensible (ie not share your knowedge) so they cannot easily replace you. It is a little underhand but can ensure job security when you know there will be bumps in the road.

I would obviously keep your own detailed notes on how to resolve the issues so you can refer to these, just not somewhere the rest of the company can access them.

Still keep shared the detailed resolution notes to cover your back though.

Workplace: If you really slow things down and stand back there is a lot of posturing, manouveering and workplace sabotage going on. Simply I see it now as people grouping with people they see like themselves. In my twenties and early thirties had roles ended abruptly for no reason - when I asked why I might be told by younger manager that I'm weird or a loner. I realise now these people are breaking the law. It might be worth making it absolutely clear to your work that you are autistic and that you consider that to be a disability. Then they will think twice about dismissing you, I never had this luxury when I was in my 20's. Although disclosure is entirely your choice. Good luck 

Coolcar98 said:

I was told I was wrong to class it as a disability and it was offensive to do so.

I would point them at this article :

https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/employment/what-are-reasonable-adjustments-and-when-can-they

autistic people meet the legal definition of disability in the Equality Act 2010 (and the Disability Discrimination Act 1995 in Northern Ireland) and are protected in UK law

Thank you, 

I work for a small company so there is no HR, or there is only it is for them- they are also the company owners. I have them a letter with reasonable adjustments on. They said they would log it, but there has been nothing since. 

I hear comments all the time such as “people just want a label nowadays.” Like my autism is new, I’ve been like this nearly 30 years. Covid didn’t make me autistic.

We were talking about a celeb on a tv show and I mentioned them having communication difficulties in groups because they are autistic. They said this on the program, however I was told I was wrong to class it as a disability and it was offensive to do so. Why is disability such a frightening word? 

Coolcar98 said:

I told my work place a few months ago, and they have not been accommodating at all. The past year I have been subjected to so many meetings about all sorts - no one else gets these. 

This is all too common a story for autists.

Have you disclosed to the HR team that you are autistic? It could help your situation more than it hurts it as once they are aware that you are have a protected characteristc (ie autism is a disability) then they are at risk of being sued if they don't treat you with due process.

You will probably need to disclose this to your boss but you can request it does get passed onto the team you work with as you fear discrimination.

Coolcar98 said:

They say asking for clarity sometimes is handholding, but there have been times where I have done something and it’s been wrong.

Keep detailed records of these incidents and save emails in a personal email account offsite in case you ever need to escalate this legally.

My approach would be to make sure I read the instructions / guidelines for any task and if they were unclear then ask for clarity on the specific thing you are having issues with. Keep it all in writing and keep copies. If they complain about it then say they are not providing the resources (ie documentation) to allow you to do the job properly and they need to improve the documentation.

This gives a clear legal defence on your side if this is ever escalated.

I would also create the necessary documentation after the event and supply it back to them saying "this is what was required. Now we have it, please make it available to others". This shows a push for continuous improvement that you can raise when it comes appraisal time.

There will inevitably be times when you cannot reach someone for the details so you will have to make some assumptions on how it should be done. In these cases document your assumptions, make a note of where they connect with other procedures (so you have a precedent) and document these all in the completion notes.

This covers your back.

I've worked in plenty of places with really aweful knowledge bases of such procedures and as a manager I would always assign tasks to people to update these as a part of their everyday tasks. It saves so much time in getting new hires up to speed or when you come across something you have not seen before.

Coolcar98 said:

Work are constantly talking about my outside activities, and name calling my friends.

I would write to the people who are talking about this and ask them to stop. Tell them that your personal life should not be discussed in the office and you will not tolerate them slandering your friend.

This will put you in their bad books of course but it should nip it in the bud even if they just talk behind your back. You may choose to record them if you catch them and report them which should result in a disciplinary for them - this is a risky step but if it means that much to you then it is the most effective approach I've seen.

If things do not show signs of turning around fairly soon after disclosing and requesting the documentation process be improved then I would expect they will try to push you out by making life unpleasant. I've seen it too many times - they want someone like them, or a team player as they call it.

Plan for it, keep all your evidence and build the case to be able to prosecute them for it. With enough proof it is quite possible to achive a 5 figure settlement (been there, done that) as once they are caught they will want to pay you off and shut you up with an NDA.

Don't take my advice however, speak to an employment solicitor (probably £150 for an initial consult) and find out what to do. The best money I ever spent.

That was a lengthy reply but I hope there is something in it that helps.