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Coolcar98

Hi all, 

I am new here. I’m recently diagnosed in my late 20s. I have always suspected autism, although why it wasn’t picked up before I don’t know. there have been many significant points in my life. 

- special interests

-communication difficulties 

- problems at school. 

I have told very few people about my diagnosis since I feel so alone. I don’t have many people in my life and never have, I have very little family too. Despite this I have always tried, I always help people, and look after people, the people I do I have in my life are awesome. I have a good education and have a masters degree, sadly my life has not always been so easy though. 

I told my work place a few months ago, and they have not been accommodating at all. The past year I have been subjected to so many meetings about all sorts - no one else gets these. 

I have overheard that they think I’m just dramatic about things. 
They say asking for clarity sometimes is handholding, but there have been times where I have done something and it’s been wrong. They say they value people “who just get on with it.” Last year I was out on a job and I received some pretty nasty abuse, I came back to the office was just abit upset, I was told that “it’s just part of the job sometimes.” Yet the other week, I was told “it’s like I don’t care sometimes.” Yet I always get good feedback, apparently if I am not on a job, people are always asking where I am. 

Yet I feel like my days in the job I love are numbered. 

Work are constantly talking about my outside activities, and name calling my friends. I have one friend an older guy who has become rather significant in my life, he is like a dad to me. (Mine sadly passed away a few years ago due to cancer and other complications). They don’t know how close we are but they are always saying that he is such a bad person, and a bad infuluence. He’s someone that matters so much to me, and I feel so conflicted. He’s not a bad person at all. We talk on the phone a few times a week and see each other a couple nights a weeks, and he always likes to make sure I am okay. (They don’t know this.) 

Parents

  • This is so sad and unfortunately familiar to read. Cry

    I am currently struggling at work too. I've been in my workplace for less than a year. I work in a primary school and I've got a new boss. I'm unsure if it's just a personality clash, the boss trying to enforce their way of working, or I'm just not as good at my job as I thought I was.

    I got informed by the new boss that a complaint has been made against me in relation to a student misunderstanding what I said in a conversation. I logged my concern after the initial conversation with the student in question for safeguarding reasons. I had a conversation the following day with my new boss about it and I thought it was sorted. I was then told the day after that conversation about the complaint.

    A little while later that same day, I was told in front of others that I was doing something wrong. I apologised, finished my work shift, and went home feeling deflated, on edge, and very self-conscious. This week, when claiming my overtime hours, I got told all overtime has to be pre-approved by this new boss. My can never guarantee when I will have to stay later than my contracted hours due to the nature of my role. We are also short staffed.

    My boss now wants a meeting with me regarding safeguarding, policies, and procedures. I am questioning if it is just me, if I'm overthinking the situation. I know the policies and procedures and demonstrated my understanding by asking questions about what I've read at the time of going through the induction paperwork. I also believed I understood safeguarding well and was following protocol well. I am applying to other jobs, but will those problems just repeat in a different setting?

  • in reply to NeuroVerse
    NeuroVerse said:
    I got told all overtime has to be pre-approved by this new boss. My can never guarantee when I will have to stay later than my contracted hours

    Does your employer know of your autism diagnosis and have you requested reasonable adjustments to avoid this unpredictability?

    If not then you could consider doing it now - also ask if your new manager can be brought up to speed on the implications of your autism (ie unpredictability = more stress for you than neurotypicals) and make the point that his more confrontational approach is causing you significant distress.

    If they don't know this is causing a problem then they cannot do anything about it.

    NeuroVerse said:
    I also believed I understood safeguarding well and was following protocol well.

    In your shoes I would keep all this in writing (specift you want all responses in writing because of your autism) by refreshing yourself on the procedures, asking your manager where they consider you have messed up and to clarify the specific section of the procedures that you got wrong.

    I suspect the new manager is flexing their power to establish their authority which is unfortunately all too common. Typically this will pass but it not then my approach has always been to draw my line in the sand and decide when I will push back, but do it in a way that they realise that trying to push me around will cause them a world of pain.

    While they follow the rules and procedures then I'm there for them but when they start making that stuff up and being a bully then I stop playing nice.

    Whatever you do I suggest doing it by the formal rules, keeping it all in writing (including your objection and defence) and keep copies of all correspondence offsite in case things ever go badly and you need to make a formal complaint.

    Only my opinion and thoughts. 

Reply
  • in reply to NeuroVerse
    NeuroVerse said:
    I got told all overtime has to be pre-approved by this new boss. My can never guarantee when I will have to stay later than my contracted hours

    Does your employer know of your autism diagnosis and have you requested reasonable adjustments to avoid this unpredictability?

    If not then you could consider doing it now - also ask if your new manager can be brought up to speed on the implications of your autism (ie unpredictability = more stress for you than neurotypicals) and make the point that his more confrontational approach is causing you significant distress.

    If they don't know this is causing a problem then they cannot do anything about it.

    NeuroVerse said:
    I also believed I understood safeguarding well and was following protocol well.

    In your shoes I would keep all this in writing (specift you want all responses in writing because of your autism) by refreshing yourself on the procedures, asking your manager where they consider you have messed up and to clarify the specific section of the procedures that you got wrong.

    I suspect the new manager is flexing their power to establish their authority which is unfortunately all too common. Typically this will pass but it not then my approach has always been to draw my line in the sand and decide when I will push back, but do it in a way that they realise that trying to push me around will cause them a world of pain.

    While they follow the rules and procedures then I'm there for them but when they start making that stuff up and being a bully then I stop playing nice.

    Whatever you do I suggest doing it by the formal rules, keeping it all in writing (including your objection and defence) and keep copies of all correspondence offsite in case things ever go badly and you need to make a formal complaint.

    Only my opinion and thoughts. 

Children
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