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Coolcar98

Hi all, 

I am new here. I’m recently diagnosed in my late 20s. I have always suspected autism, although why it wasn’t picked up before I don’t know. there have been many significant points in my life. 

- special interests

-communication difficulties 

- problems at school. 

I have told very few people about my diagnosis since I feel so alone. I don’t have many people in my life and never have, I have very little family too. Despite this I have always tried, I always help people, and look after people, the people I do I have in my life are awesome. I have a good education and have a masters degree, sadly my life has not always been so easy though. 

I told my work place a few months ago, and they have not been accommodating at all. The past year I have been subjected to so many meetings about all sorts - no one else gets these. 

I have overheard that they think I’m just dramatic about things. 
They say asking for clarity sometimes is handholding, but there have been times where I have done something and it’s been wrong. They say they value people “who just get on with it.” Last year I was out on a job and I received some pretty nasty abuse, I came back to the office was just abit upset, I was told that “it’s just part of the job sometimes.” Yet the other week, I was told “it’s like I don’t care sometimes.” Yet I always get good feedback, apparently if I am not on a job, people are always asking where I am. 

Yet I feel like my days in the job I love are numbered. 

Work are constantly talking about my outside activities, and name calling my friends. I have one friend an older guy who has become rather significant in my life, he is like a dad to me. (Mine sadly passed away a few years ago due to cancer and other complications). They don’t know how close we are but they are always saying that he is such a bad person, and a bad infuluence. He’s someone that matters so much to me, and I feel so conflicted. He’s not a bad person at all. We talk on the phone a few times a week and see each other a couple nights a weeks, and he always likes to make sure I am okay. (They don’t know this.) 

Parents
  • Coolcar98 said:
    I told my work place a few months ago, and they have not been accommodating at all. The past year I have been subjected to so many meetings about all sorts - no one else gets these. 

    This is all too common a story for autists.

    Have you disclosed to the HR team that you are autistic? It could help your situation more than it hurts it as once they are aware that you are have a protected characteristc (ie autism is a disability) then they are at risk of being sued if they don't treat you with due process.

    You will probably need to disclose this to your boss but you can request it does get passed onto the team you work with as you fear discrimination.

    Coolcar98 said:
    They say asking for clarity sometimes is handholding, but there have been times where I have done something and it’s been wrong.

    Keep detailed records of these incidents and save emails in a personal email account offsite in case you ever need to escalate this legally.

    My approach would be to make sure I read the instructions / guidelines for any task and if they were unclear then ask for clarity on the specific thing you are having issues with. Keep it all in writing and keep copies. If they complain about it then say they are not providing the resources (ie documentation) to allow you to do the job properly and they need to improve the documentation.

    This gives a clear legal defence on your side if this is ever escalated.

    I would also create the necessary documentation after the event and supply it back to them saying "this is what was required. Now we have it, please make it available to others". This shows a push for continuous improvement that you can raise when it comes appraisal time.

    There will inevitably be times when you cannot reach someone for the details so you will have to make some assumptions on how it should be done. In these cases document your assumptions, make a note of where they connect with other procedures (so you have a precedent) and document these all in the completion notes.

    This covers your back.

    I've worked in plenty of places with really aweful knowledge bases of such procedures and as a manager I would always assign tasks to people to update these as a part of their everyday tasks. It saves so much time in getting new hires up to speed or when you come across something you have not seen before.

    Coolcar98 said:
    Work are constantly talking about my outside activities, and name calling my friends.

    I would write to the people who are talking about this and ask them to stop. Tell them that your personal life should not be discussed in the office and you will not tolerate them slandering your friend.

    This will put you in their bad books of course but it should nip it in the bud even if they just talk behind your back. You may choose to record them if you catch them and report them which should result in a disciplinary for them - this is a risky step but if it means that much to you then it is the most effective approach I've seen.

    If things do not show signs of turning around fairly soon after disclosing and requesting the documentation process be improved then I would expect they will try to push you out by making life unpleasant. I've seen it too many times - they want someone like them, or a team player as they call it.

    Plan for it, keep all your evidence and build the case to be able to prosecute them for it. With enough proof it is quite possible to achive a 5 figure settlement (been there, done that) as once they are caught they will want to pay you off and shut you up with an NDA.

    Don't take my advice however, speak to an employment solicitor (probably £150 for an initial consult) and find out what to do. The best money I ever spent.

    That was a lengthy reply but I hope there is something in it that helps.

  • in reply to Iain

    Thank you, 

    I work for a small company so there is no HR, or there is only it is for them- they are also the company owners. I have them a letter with reasonable adjustments on. They said they would log it, but there has been nothing since. 

    I hear comments all the time such as “people just want a label nowadays.” Like my autism is new, I’ve been like this nearly 30 years. Covid didn’t make me autistic.

    We were talking about a celeb on a tv show and I mentioned them having communication difficulties in groups because they are autistic. They said this on the program, however I was told I was wrong to class it as a disability and it was offensive to do so. Why is disability such a frightening word? 

  • in reply to Coolcar98
    Coolcar98 said:
    I was told I was wrong to class it as a disability and it was offensive to do so.

    I would point them at this article :

    https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/employment/what-are-reasonable-adjustments-and-when-can-they

    autistic people meet the legal definition of disability in the Equality Act 2010 (and the Disability Discrimination Act 1995 in Northern Ireland) and are protected in UK law

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