Playing with toys

Video games in conversation for me are never small talk if you mention red dead 2 you best respect to hear about red dead revolvers and cowboy books etc  

Newsflash: I am about twice your age and I still enjoy playing. 

A good thing too, as I believe there are important benefits to be derived from play:

- using play to act out a role play scenario of something which makes us worried (to aid creative problem-solving about what tactics / strategies / reasonable adjustments / additional support, or help might enable us to better navigate a situation / environment).  Sometimes play can help highlight a missing information need, or an item which if we had it with us would make us feel better prepared to cope with something we need to do outside our home.  Those things can be visible to other people to aid their awareness and understanding that we may need some support and a little more patience, or it can be something which is hidden in our bag but nonetheless gives us comfort and confidence - just by our knowing that it is there in case it were to be needed - like an umbrella, or a fan.

- scripting (rehearsing what you think you would like / need to say in a particular situation can be worked out via play.

- toys can be mascots and aid communication.  They may be a way of helping other people to know "this is how I am feeling today", or "this is what I represent (something identifiable like your county / country / club / campaign in support of a cause)", or "do you identify with this?  (I am happy talking to people about this topic - maybe it is an item which acts as a clue to an intense interest)", or simply to act as an icebreaker opening topic for conversation (people can ask what is the item, or they might say they have one too).

- toys can be a way of self-regulating by providing feedback information to our mind - to calm our thoughts, to expend nervous energy, or to help us know more about where parts of our body are right now.

- play can better help us (and others) realise our emotional state - with what and how exuberantly / loudly / actively we play / fidget can "speak" for us.  If I find that I need to shuttle a spiky ball back and forth between my hands in order to be able to concentrate on a TV programme I am keen to watch - someone in my household might let me know the programme is a recording, pause playing the programme and ask me what is on my mind for us to discuss.

- some people find playing video games is totally immersive and also aids their sense of social connection with other people who also enjoy those games.  Sometimes knowledge of the latest game csn be a topic of smalltalk with people at work / in a club.

- The nature of play can be with toys (or fidget items), but other activities can also be forms of play too: solving puzzles and quizzes / word games, being absorbed doing a jigsaw puzzle.

- swimming is an example of a healthy physical / sporty / exercise thing which helps our fitness - but it can also be about playing in and enjoying the sensation of the water too.

- arts and crafts can be about okay - often in a way with which other adults can better identify - a "legitimate" form if play - with the bonus that we may choose to make something as a personal gift for someone we know.  People we know may share some of those art / craft interests and aid topics of social conversation.  Also, it csn be comforting to personalise e.g. our bedroom with things we have made.

- scale model-making can be the integration of play, fine motor skills, learning about and applying information connected with an intense interest.  It can also be a way to help find like-minded people and provide a focal point for visiting somewhere with an exhibition, or feed a love if growing a collection of our own.

- cooking and baking are another thing which can be multi-purpose.  It is another thing which others may see as a socially "legitimate" thing to like doing.  It supports our selfcare, in can be enjoyable play, it can help us to show our love and concern for other people and can be a cost effective way if making a homemade gift for someone too.  It is another topic for socialising conversation.

- board games and card games sre play.  People don't even bat an eyelid (they don't show surprise or concern) when they see people playing with board games / card games.  It is somehow another one of societies "legitimate" forms of play accepted at any age group.

- using something like a skipping rope or hula-hoop, or roller skates, or skateboard, riding a bicycle can be examples of play which is enjoyable as it aids a need for physical touch and balance information about our bodies.

What I have tried to show is that play with toys is one form of play among many other styles.

Why not keep the play with toys you already love, enjoy and from which you derive benefit, plus, gradually start to experiment with expanding your play repertoire via exploring some of the other types of play - including some of those more people find it easy to chat about and take part too? 

You said "but I get so anxious it's interfering with my playing" - I think you meant your worrying about your age and still playing.  Well wait a moment - think about all the parents and grandparents who by toys "for their child", or "for their grandchild" ...when, if they were being honest with themselves; they themselves thought it looked fun / reminded them of a toy which they had and enjoyed as s child and the new child in the family provides excellent cover for that parent / grandparent playing with the toy again!

You mentioned that one of your biggest problems is that it bothers you what others think (and that you know a lot of people frown on adults playing with toys).  Hmm!  I don't believe other people necessarily give as much thought to things like that as we might have a tendency to think that they do.  If they do - they may well be thinking to themselves "I wish I had the confidence to play with that / like that too".

When it comes to comments by your dad (something like: you should be more grown up), that might be a convenient shorthand / an abbreviation for a wide range of other.comnents unspoken.  My dad wouldn't necessarily share my interests in toy play.  However, a comment like that used to be code for any number of other things: (what you are playing is too loud for me to read / watch TV / can you tidy up your toys as I just tripped on one / I had hoped to enjoy spending some time with you (play chess / go out on our bicycles / mend the car / finish a DIY project in the shed / help me work on the garden maintenance / go Christmas shopping with me / I want a fishing buddy / I don't feel well and need some peace and quiet).  Dads can say one thing in exasperation when they really hope you are actually telepathic (which is daft, because nobody is telepathic - but that is family life and relationships sometimes).

Your dad might be worried about the amount of time you spend by yourself rather than socialising with friends, relatives, or work colleagues - without him appreciating that many Autistic people can find that their wellbeing benefits from solo time on a regular basis.

You mentioned that you have a really good imagination and can bring your games and characters to life - that is a skill.  However, you also explained "because I'm worried about other people and what they will think I'm struggling to escape in to my make belief world".  Well, that is what book authors, actors, TV / film writers and anime / video games designers do for their living - and nobody thinks those things are odd ...indeed, society nominates them for industry awards!  I wondered if you had ever tried doing something creative like that with your imagination skills?

When you play, you also described whispering constantly and it's hurting your throat. 

I used to get told off by my mum for engaging in that audible scripting style of play - even when I was in my bedroom (I think she interpreted it as the perceived stigma of "talking to myself" and she incorrectly associated that with a mental health issue - which I didn't have).  I think it is not so uncommon for Autistic people to find comfort taking around play - which is a more predictable environment - even if they are more generally uncomfortable speaking in other situations in life which are a more unpredictable experience.

If you find that the whispering is hurting your throat - maybe that is a hint that you have become dehydrated.  When we are deeply absorbed in activities - like play - we can lose focus on the passage of time and signals from our body around thirst, hunger and we forgot to use the lavatory for a while.  You could build in two new habits when you settle down to play: 1) bring a glass of water and a healthy snack, and 2) set a timer to remind you to take a break (drink,eat, bathroom).

You summarised; that you want to play but your brain is obsessing over it and it's causing you a lot of unwanted anxiety.  I am sorry to hear you are feeling that way.  Do you think the anxiety level is only around the time you spend playing - or had you wondered if, as you relax into play - there might be some other unrelated worries affecting your play sessions too (as relaxing one way (play) then potentially highlights another thing / things which still cause you stress?

Little Miss Autism said:

because I'm worried about other people and what they will think I'm struggling to escape in to my make belief world

If perception in your worry then consider changing the types of toys you play with. How about:

- Role Playing games that use minatures for staging scenarios / battle scenes. 

This lets you imagine the scene you are laying out, all the back story to it and the interactions and where it goes from there. You can even channel this into writing stories and even publishing them. A much more organised and complete world can come out which requires a lot of imagination.

- Get into creating physical things so you are using hand tools / power tools to make useful things - you can learn some carpentry skills or metalworking skills and create things that appeal to you, whether sculptural or practical (bird box / dog house etc).

You can get creative and create a niche for your products.

I always used to fix mechanical and electronic things as a way to keep my hands busy and give a sense of fixing / creating stuff. My mind can wander off on a myriad of paths while I am sanding / polishing / painting / sawing etc and by the time it is finished I feel quite satisfied and completed somehow.

In more recent years this moved into renovating apartments so I got into a much wider range of things to use my hands for and bigger / more dangerous tools to use. Somehow there is a real buzz (excuse the pun) from using a dangerous circular saw that is being made safe by following the safe use rules and is being bent to my will to create the parts I need.

After the difficulty of working with people, these tools are much more logical to work with and can be relied on when rules are followed. 

This is just a thought - big boy toys can be even more fun.

Especially since autistic people our hobbies keep us full of pure joy 

you know me by now if Taylor swift did a circus skills show I’d probably have a heart attack wirh the excitement but at least I’d die happy seeing Tay Tay doing her diabolo act haha 

like as long as you know your limits of ok I have too many toys and not hoarding or what ever it’s fine 

personally I want more circus DVDs but I also have a lot of non circus DVDs so ive had to limit it to like 13 circus shows(across 15 DVDs) but one day I hope to have a book case deidcated to all my cirucs stuff and another to my Taylor swift stuff as well as a general book one a general music one and a general dvd one 

Little Miss Autism said:

My dad is one of these people and has said to me that I should be more grown up.

Why do you need to be "more grown up"? Did your dad give a reason? Did he explain what he means?

I'm a dad. My daughter has had her same three comfort blankets since she was born. They're all ragged and she always has one of them on the go. I don't tell her she needs to be "more grown up". If they make her happy, I'm happy. She's not harming anyone. She just turned 20.

If you want to play, play. You shouldn't feel bad about it. I'll bet your dad does things just because he likes doing them, not because they're productive (playing golf, watching football, fishing, jogging, biting his nails, or whatever).

Ive only ever played 2 demo games of warhanner but I love the video games but im really bad at tactical games due to the timers in them although im ace at action games wirh a timer lol

i recommend getting into magic thr gathering snd thr Pokémon card game tbh they are ace 

Video games are awesome thats why also most modern video games are aimed at people 30 plus tbh 

which temind me i need to dust my consoles lol

Don't apologise for venting, it's one of the things this community is here for.

Perhaps you could schedule some time each day when you are on your own for this creative play - perhaps when you are alone in the house? Then when you are with your family you could do related creative things, such as writing stories/plays, or watching a TV series or movie and then seeing if you could think of what might happen next in the series, or an alternative ending for the movie. You say in your profile that you are an aspiring writer and actress, so those activities are related to your aspirations. If you feel up to meeting people, you could also join a local amateur theatre company.

But try not to feel guilty for doing something that you enjoy, just because others don't think it's appropriate. I play video games, which some people think is odd as I'm a woman in my sixties, but I don't care.

Always wanted to get into Warhammer but never have, seems so much to it as I know it’s been around for 20+ years? I’d probably prefer to collect them than battle them. I remember watching power rangers when it first aired on terrestrial tv on a Saturday morning, it was the best thing ever at the time!

I love little green army men AND war hammer 

I agree though im just lucky I have friends snd family who do embrace my circus and Taylor swift enjoyment 

also my partner is great becuase she always gets me gifts that I like at Xmas like the year she got me some power rangers toys(well fake ones but they were still super cool) 

and thats rhe thing power rangers is seen as for kids but as an adult I love it especially the movie snd the mighty morphed and spd

I think you should do whatever makes you happy really, take a step back and realise that you have autism which means you can’t and won’t conform at all times. You could consider playing Warhammer to be the same as the little green army soldiers like the ones from Toy Story. Speaking of Toy Story who doesn’t love those films at any age?

Story time 

I heard anti hero by Taylor swift when it came out and at first i was like ok this is catchy second time I loved it and I became hooked on Tay Tay but I watched and listened to her in secret becuase I felt like people would say it’s childish for a grown man tj like her but two weeks ago i decided to be my big old swiftie self and no one actually cares infact my friends either just roll their eyes and go oh no hes talking about Taylor again or they go “tayyy tayyy is in the radiiooo” becuase they know itnmake snd happy 

just you do you stop caring what others think

i am a grown man who likes trains,Taylor swift,horses and the circus so what I say 

I bet he thinks it is OK to watch a bunch of youths playing at kicking a football around a field using a toy (TV) or playing structured make believe by watching soaps or films on the same toy (TV).  Most adults have toys, but pretend that they are something else e.g. a sports car is a toy or an expensive phone is a toy, my toys tend to be things like compressors, power tools, vacuum pumps etc as I like making things, but I am willing to accept them as toys unlike some "grown ups" who like to pretend they don't have toys.