Playing with toys

Newsflash: I am about twice your age and I still enjoy playing. 

A good thing too, as I believe there are important benefits to be derived from play:

- using play to act out a role play scenario of something which makes us worried (to aid creative problem-solving about what tactics / strategies / reasonable adjustments / additional support, or help might enable us to better navigate a situation / environment).  Sometimes play can help highlight a missing information need, or an item which if we had it with us would make us feel better prepared to cope with something we need to do outside our home.  Those things can be visible to other people to aid their awareness and understanding that we may need some support and a little more patience, or it can be something which is hidden in our bag but nonetheless gives us comfort and confidence - just by our knowing that it is there in case it were to be needed - like an umbrella, or a fan.

- scripting (rehearsing what you think you would like / need to say in a particular situation can be worked out via play.

- toys can be mascots and aid communication.  They may be a way of helping other people to know "this is how I am feeling today", or "this is what I represent (something identifiable like your county / country / club / campaign in support of a cause)", or "do you identify with this?  (I am happy talking to people about this topic - maybe it is an item which acts as a clue to an intense interest)", or simply to act as an icebreaker opening topic for conversation (people can ask what is the item, or they might say they have one too).

- toys can be a way of self-regulating by providing feedback information to our mind - to calm our thoughts, to expend nervous energy, or to help us know more about where parts of our body are right now.

- play can better help us (and others) realise our emotional state - with what and how exuberantly / loudly / actively we play / fidget can "speak" for us.  If I find that I need to shuttle a spiky ball back and forth between my hands in order to be able to concentrate on a TV programme I am keen to watch - someone in my household might let me know the programme is a recording, pause playing the programme and ask me what is on my mind for us to discuss.

- some people find playing video games is totally immersive and also aids their sense of social connection with other people who also enjoy those games.  Sometimes knowledge of the latest game csn be a topic of smalltalk with people at work / in a club.

- The nature of play can be with toys (or fidget items), but other activities can also be forms of play too: solving puzzles and quizzes / word games, being absorbed doing a jigsaw puzzle.

- swimming is an example of a healthy physical / sporty / exercise thing which helps our fitness - but it can also be about playing in and enjoying the sensation of the water too.

- arts and crafts can be about okay - often in a way with which other adults can better identify - a "legitimate" form if play - with the bonus that we may choose to make something as a personal gift for someone we know.  People we know may share some of those art / craft interests and aid topics of social conversation.  Also, it csn be comforting to personalise e.g. our bedroom with things we have made.

- scale model-making can be the integration of play, fine motor skills, learning about and applying information connected with an intense interest.  It can also be a way to help find like-minded people and provide a focal point for visiting somewhere with an exhibition, or feed a love if growing a collection of our own.

- cooking and baking are another thing which can be multi-purpose.  It is another thing which others may see as a socially "legitimate" thing to like doing.  It supports our selfcare, in can be enjoyable play, it can help us to show our love and concern for other people and can be a cost effective way if making a homemade gift for someone too.  It is another topic for socialising conversation.

- board games and card games sre play.  People don't even bat an eyelid (they don't show surprise or concern) when they see people playing with board games / card games.  It is somehow another one of societies "legitimate" forms of play accepted at any age group.

- using something like a skipping rope or hula-hoop, or roller skates, or skateboard, riding a bicycle can be examples of play which is enjoyable as it aids a need for physical touch and balance information about our bodies.

What I have tried to show is that play with toys is one form of play among many other styles.

Why not keep the play with toys you already love, enjoy and from which you derive benefit, plus, gradually start to experiment with expanding your play repertoire via exploring some of the other types of play - including some of those more people find it easy to chat about and take part too? 

You said "but I get so anxious it's interfering with my playing" - I think you meant your worrying about your age and still playing.  Well wait a moment - think about all the parents and grandparents who by toys "for their child", or "for their grandchild" ...when, if they were being honest with themselves; they themselves thought it looked fun / reminded them of a toy which they had and enjoyed as s child and the new child in the family provides excellent cover for that parent / grandparent playing with the toy again!

You mentioned that one of your biggest problems is that it bothers you what others think (and that you know a lot of people frown on adults playing with toys).  Hmm!  I don't believe other people necessarily give as much thought to things like that as we might have a tendency to think that they do.  If they do - they may well be thinking to themselves "I wish I had the confidence to play with that / like that too".

When it comes to comments by your dad (something like: you should be more grown up), that might be a convenient shorthand / an abbreviation for a wide range of other.comnents unspoken.  My dad wouldn't necessarily share my interests in toy play.  However, a comment like that used to be code for any number of other things: (what you are playing is too loud for me to read / watch TV / can you tidy up your toys as I just tripped on one / I had hoped to enjoy spending some time with you (play chess / go out on our bicycles / mend the car / finish a DIY project in the shed / help me work on the garden maintenance / go Christmas shopping with me / I want a fishing buddy / I don't feel well and need some peace and quiet).  Dads can say one thing in exasperation when they really hope you are actually telepathic (which is daft, because nobody is telepathic - but that is family life and relationships sometimes).

Your dad might be worried about the amount of time you spend by yourself rather than socialising with friends, relatives, or work colleagues - without him appreciating that many Autistic people can find that their wellbeing benefits from solo time on a regular basis.

You mentioned that you have a really good imagination and can bring your games and characters to life - that is a skill.  However, you also explained "because I'm worried about other people and what they will think I'm struggling to escape in to my make belief world".  Well, that is what book authors, actors, TV / film writers and anime / video games designers do for their living - and nobody thinks those things are odd ...indeed, society nominates them for industry awards!  I wondered if you had ever tried doing something creative like that with your imagination skills?

When you play, you also described whispering constantly and it's hurting your throat. 

I used to get told off by my mum for engaging in that audible scripting style of play - even when I was in my bedroom (I think she interpreted it as the perceived stigma of "talking to myself" and she incorrectly associated that with a mental health issue - which I didn't have).  I think it is not so uncommon for Autistic people to find comfort taking around play - which is a more predictable environment - even if they are more generally uncomfortable speaking in other situations in life which are a more unpredictable experience.

If you find that the whispering is hurting your throat - maybe that is a hint that you have become dehydrated.  When we are deeply absorbed in activities - like play - we can lose focus on the passage of time and signals from our body around thirst, hunger and we forgot to use the lavatory for a while.  You could build in two new habits when you settle down to play: 1) bring a glass of water and a healthy snack, and 2) set a timer to remind you to take a break (drink,eat, bathroom).

You summarised; that you want to play but your brain is obsessing over it and it's causing you a lot of unwanted anxiety.  I am sorry to hear you are feeling that way.  Do you think the anxiety level is only around the time you spend playing - or had you wondered if, as you relax into play - there might be some other unrelated worries affecting your play sessions too (as relaxing one way (play) then potentially highlights another thing / things which still cause you stress?

Video games in conversation for me are never small talk if you mention red dead 2 you best respect to hear about red dead revolvers and cowboy books etc  

Video games in conversation for me are never small talk if you mention red dead 2 you best respect to hear about red dead revolvers and cowboy books etc