What do you want to do or be when you grow up?

I’m on the lookout for a new job, need something that I can manage long term without burnout. I worked in an office before so really want to do something completely different. 

I studied for a postgrad in HR management as I wanted to work in international development charities. I thought that was the best way as school said be a professional, so did family. I thought that was a good way to satisfy both me and others by doing something in an office that worked towards admirable goals.

However that didn't work, I loved the organisations but hated the work so much. HR is important for making sure an employee is taken care of and an organisation can work effectively (at least how I tried to do it) but it wasn't for me.

I now work in a role that's more like a janitor/maintenance person at a historical site. I can say, in terms of work - I've never been happier and oddly get paid quite a bit more than I ever did working in HR.

I suppose from my perspective only, I tried to remember what I felt would work for me when I was a kid - all I remember was saying 'I never want to work in an office'. I also remember being told by others how short sighted and unlikely that was for me. After a decade and a half in HR I decided to say bull to that and went for that role at the historical site. 

I think remembering what you wanted when you were a kid (if possible - I don't remember much aside from that!) might help, and then take a risk on something new and not sanctioned by school and family pressures.

I suspect you are the exception rather than the rule when it comes to teachers, it wasn't until I was uni in my 40's that I found tutors who were both interesting and interested, that's not everyones experience either.

So does it all come down to the luck of the draw with teachers?

That's interesting - I also always thought I had to acheive more and that I was above average. I remember thinking specifically - that's ok for her to do that (a not perfect thing), but not for me. 

I hope you keep up the music, even if it's just for you

I always wanted to help people. I have always done that, though not in the way I expected. I began training in  art wanting to be an illustrator but I quickly realised I was too sensitive to criticism and would be unable to self advocate and promote my work. I changed my major to psychology and did work in a Forensic psychiatric Institute for a number of years, but unfortunately due to finances couldn't afford to take it further to be the psychologist I wanted to be and the place closed down for care in the community. I then after a time I now know was likely burn out, I worked in police custody and then as a police constable in CID and PPIU (Both investigation streams). I was pretty good at my job, especially court files. I did burnout but I do feel like if I'd known I was autistic then it would have gone much better. I retired due to that burn out and don't work any more. I don't think life is as little as a career - nor what you do. 

Now I still do my initial want - but in a markedly different way. I found my way back to my Catholic faith during burnout and did a lot of helping out in the Church in a physical way. Now due to poor health I don't do as much physical helping out, but I do pray for many hours a day for people - for the world, helping those people and the world far more than I ever did in any career. If you submit your life to God you'll always do what you want, because He gives you that want - and then helps you fulfill it. Often in ways you never could have dreamed of. I'd never have imagined i'd help people in a way much lke a nun these days (I'm a single celibate sort of hermit dedicated to God). But I feel fullfilled. God be praised 

Not saying this is the same - just my experience and reasons for hope in her dreams. I was a police officer for 8yrs (plus 3 in custody)..... you're right it's a very hard job for someone with autism. But there were moments where my ordered brain and talent for seeing patterns was greatly appreciated by the court system because my files were concise and I recognised patterns others never saw - I worked in investigation. I honestly think if I'd known then I was autisic and accomodations put in place - I could have coped much better. It did end in burn out, but even that is not so bad, I've a life long pension to live on. 

There are roles in intelligence that greatly rely on pattern recognition - these are part of police staff (or even intelligence agencies) which are office based but with autism being more widely known all the time - by the time she grows up - she could be sought after. Already the Uk intelligence agencies seek neurodivergent people for some pattern recogniton and other specific jobs that others wouldn't be able to do as well. 

Perhaps encourage her in wanting to help people and serve her country - there will be a place for her. 

TheCatWoman said:

I'm mystified as to how people know what they want to do, often from such a young age

For me it was having physic teachers who were actually passionate about their subject and made it interesting.

Being able to understand the building blocks of the atoms through to the massiveness of the universe possibly appealled because I was a knowledge hungry student and the way things could be quantified through the laws of physics really struck a cord.

Those teachers were the ones encouraging the learning, the passion and ambition to get into breaking the frontiers of science.

I did go on to do all those things and was bored sensless by it however - there was no excitement and I ended up reaching to fast motorbikes, women and booze for the thrills. Then I settled down, got all sensible and got a jot in IT.

These days with the increasing amount of unknown stuff that is now turning the laws of physics into kindergarden rules is a little concerning.

For example you know there are 3 spacial dimensions (up/down, side/side, back/front) and 1 time dimension? Well it looks like there may be 3 time dimensions ( https://phys.org/news/2025-06-theory-dimensions-space-secondary-effect.html ) which makes time travel and the multiverse theory more quantifiable.

Even quantum mechanics was a pretty acid tripping experience back in the 1980s when I was at uni but now it has grown so much and gotten so weird that I'm reluctant to even try to keep up to date with it.

I'm mystified as to how people know what they want to do, often from such a young age, I think some people must arrive on this planet knowing what they want.

I tried to hide how below average I knew I was, like the realisation that at 11 I didn't really know the alphabet, it still gives me problems and if I'm trying to think of what comes after a letter I have to start at the begining.All my school reports were of the could do better variety.

I think I and many of my contemporaries were left in a sort of vacumn, we were a generation on the edge of changes, jobs had been fairly easy to get in the post war years and the assumption seemed to be that this was going to continue. There were massive social changes too, things like discrimination based on gender were being legislated against, contraception was being made available to unmarried women. Automation was beinging to impact the workplace and computers came along behind them quite rapidly. Many of our teachers couldn't or didn't want to cope with this new world and seemed to be stuck in some kind of Enid Blyton world, I remember the whole class being shouted at by one male teacher that there was little point in teaching girls as we'd all go off and have babies. There was never any encouragement to do anything and often there would be no one from the whole school going on to higher education, let alone university, when someone did, they were up on the stage at assembly being congratualted. School was more of a warehouse for teenage girls than a place of education.

It only matters if you think it matters.

You don't have to do what you planned, unless it will nag at you and make you feel like you missed out or underachieved. I you don't mind then go with it.

I never planned any of my jobs.

At seven I wanted to be a pirate. It didn't work out. I do now have a cutlass though, in reality an infantry officer's hanger (a type of shortish curved sword) dating to the 1770s, so some childhood ambitions come true. It looks very much like Jack Sparrow's sword in Pirates of the Caribbean. I don't think I ever fully grew up, thanks be.

TheCatWoman said:

If like most little girls I said I wantd to be a nurse, I was told that I wouldn't really want to that as it would involve carrying used bed pans around.

I have to keep this in mind. My Autistic daughter really wants to be a cop because she’s named after a late police officer. We’re trying not to discourage it, but at the same time there’s no way she’ll ever be equipped to handle such a hard job. I don’t want her to be disappointed later.

I once asked her “What if you get called to help someone in their house and the home smells horrible?” (she has strong aversions to smell). She responded “Then I’ll bring a flower in to sniff while I work!”

She’s only seven, I know it’ll probably change, but I need to remember not to crush her dreams in the meantime.

I have two degrees in music composition and I barely do that anymore. I taught it for ten years but then got burnt out, had my pay reduced, and became annoyed that students stopped caring around COVID time. It’s hard thinking what I want to do for the rest of my life. Helping people with disabilities is fine and all, but it’s not what I originally planned on doing…

TheCatWoman said:

After leaving school, I was asked what I wanted to do and could never answer, I simply didn't know,

This was me and still is me.
I'm 21 soon and I have no idea what I want to do, or even where I want my life to go. Growing up I loved the idea of working with horses looking after them, or teaching young children. But my anxiety and mental health soon brought with it the realisation that I'll likely never reach those things.

So far I've worked part time in a library and even that was ultimately a disaster. I think a lot about what I'd like to do but most of it is dismissed instantly because I know mentally I'm not capable.

At one point I was studying and attending university but I crashed and burned, the pressures and environment were too much. I currently don't work but if I can change things one day I would still love to work with little children, as a primary school teacher, or in a pre-school.

I‘ve always had a plan. Even in kindergarten I always knew how I wanted my life to look like. Those dreams changed over the years, but I‘m always working towards a goal, the uncertainty and meaninglessness of not working towards something would probably stop from doing anything at all. I‘m now hoping to become a doctor and be able to do research at least partly (there are some options that allow doctors to step out of practicing medicine to go into research for a certain time).

I don‘t know if my urge to always focus on a particular goal is the healthiest thing for me, but I don’t know how to cope otherwise.

Out of curiosity, do you know specifically what that looks like?

I used to wish to be happy when I blew out the candles on a birthday cake, but I never thought much about what that meant. Which means I am not sure if I'll know when I get there.

More recently I had always wanted to win the lottery so I could have a nice house, then I suddenly stopped to think what it would be like. Same as now, on my own but in a bigger house. And actually maybe the Dr house is not that important, still nice to have though.

I want to be happy! what else can you ask for in life? I am in my late forties and still chase the dream.

There isn’t anything I want to particularly do, I’ve never had any real ambitions either to be honest. Some people smile and joke when they talk about something that happened at work so there must be some sort of positive connection and it’s not all doom and gloom either that or they are presenting a more upbeat version of events. I once considered psychiatric nursing but the reality of that job was far from the dream I had imagined saving the helpless and being a listening ear, if anyone didn’t come out of that job without mental scars themselves I would ironically question their sanity. A strong indication that I couldn’t do care work or anything too mentally taxing like that is that I feel I barely able hold my own reality in place let alone helping others fix theirs. Is it the case that most people have more positive motivators in their lives? A better education and therefore more of an idea of what they love in life to follow on a career with? 

I want to add to this. Did you think you were normal or average? I always felt different, not surprisingly, but I felt I had to achieve more, that I was above average.

Being single with one income and navigating an uncertain world, I have not achieved what I wanted and feel I am behind people who worked less hard in terms of housing, although I have maybe done more. I wonder if my priorities were right 

I feel I have underachieved. It is hard.

Perhaps if I'd known what I wanted and was not so confused it would have been better.

I never really wanted to "be" anything, and now I'm my mid 60s I never want to "grow up".

I knew as a child that I'd need to get a job when I left school of course. I didn't do that well at school and university was something only posh kids went to, not working class girls like me.

I didn't want to work in an office because I thought it'd be boring and a bit like.school. I considered becoming a vet (couldn't get the science qualifications) joining the police (I was too short) and training to be a teacher (maths grades not good enough)

So it ended up that I had the choice of applying for shop or office jobs, and I secured a job as a junior clerk. No computers at that time, so lots of filing and photocopying - Oh joy!

Then I was asked to help with some accounting work and found it a bit more interesting, so I changed jobs to be a junior accounts clerk. Over the years I worked in various accounting roles and gained an AAT qualification which is equivalent to 2 A levels in accounting.

In my early 30s I worked as a special needs teaching assistant for 5 years and gained a learning support qualification. But it was part time, the pay was abysmal, and it could be quite exhausting. So after my partner was made redundant I returned to accounting in a full time role. 

At the age of 50 I was feeling a bit bored and decided to train as a teacher of English as a second language. Usually you need a degree, but after testing and an interview I was admitted to the course without one. The training was very challenging but it was rewarding to pass. I had wanted to teach English in Spain, but I couldn't get a job there because there is high demand for such jobs and so they can specify that applicants must have a degree (although it can be in any subject) and speak fluent Spanish (my Spanish is rather basic)

So it was back to accounting work in England until I retired last year. Now I'm doing what I always secretly wanted to do - reading, playing games, not being told what to do or having to socialise with people I wouldn't usually want to be around.  That's success for me.