Yesterday was a bad day. Father’s day is always a trigger for me because my dad is dead. He died 10 years ago but it still doesn't feel like I've processed it.
On days like yesterday I don’t just feel sad I feel 'more' autistic. I can’t talk to people. Everything irritates me and my anger becomes harder to control. I can only manage safe foods if anything at all and things like showering or cleaning just stop happening.
Autism affects how we experience everything so it makes sense that it changes how we deal with death too. I’ve just never thought about grief specifically through the lens of autism until recently.
A friend of mine (who is also autistic) said they find grief a bit easier than others seem to because they're able to approach it more logically. I just thought it was an interesting contrast to my experience.
I guess I'm just curious as to how other people here process or experience grief and how you think being autistic interacts with that? Does it make your experience harder? Easier? More isolating? Do you notice ways that grief affects you that may not be usual for neurotypical people? Or maybe neurotype doesn't come in to it at all and grief is just deeply personal and unique for every individual.
Grief just feels like such a lonely thing for me and I don't really talk about it with most people. Maybe it's part of masking and as I get better an unmasking I'll get better at talking about it with neurotypical people. It just seems like one of those topics that's avoided by most and so I avoid it too. Maybe that's a societal thing. I don't know. Do people here also have that level of discomfort talking about grief or do you see it as just part of life? I thought it might help to hear how it looks for other autistic people.