Sometimes shrinks really get on my nerves: A Rant

I only had the displeasure to talk to therapists two times. Regret having done it at all.

Just want to say I can really relate to what you've said here!  Therapists and doctors can be extremely paternalistic, dogmatic and condescending, in my experience.  It makes me very scared to open up to them for fear of the pain of them misinterpreting what I say and jumping to the wrong conclusions.  Apparently conventional therapy doesn't work for neurodivergent individuals and a different approach is needed. I think it could be helpful to see a therapist who is neurodivergent themselves and who adapts their approach to suit the individual more. 

I’ve had psychotherapy by mental health professionals, usually in the form of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), quite a few times throughout my life. CBT has been quite useful. Since my autism diagnosis last year, I have adapted the CBT techniques and I’m directing myself when I feel my self esteem slipping. I find the CBT techniques are a practical way of enforcing truths.

I have seen a Clinical Psychologist for only two periods of psychotherapy, one period of NHS therapy and one period of private therapy, and it didn’t help me at all. I didn’t know what I was meant to say or not say. Perhaps I just didn’t connect with the psychologist, or the type of therapy they were offering didn’t suit, so I am not going to dismiss their clinical work altogether.

maxlinger60 said:

I am a big proponent of therapy, but at a certain point, we need to stop normalizing ripping apart our psyche for someone to put back together.

The culture of psychotherapy is very different in Ireland and the UK. Not many people here can easily access NHS services and if they can, there can be a long waiting list. Some pay for psychological services, but it wouldn’t be usual. 

I've had quite a lot of therapy over the years and it can be quite hard to get a new therapist to accept that I've dealt with a particular issue and I don't want the scabs picked off and the wound reopening, its retraumatising.

I've only ever seen two psychologists, but loads of counsellors, it might be a profession thing, with psychologists feeling they have some kind of right to challenge you harder than a counsellor would be comfortable with? Counsellors do challenge clients, but this whole thing about not being honest, to me that is very iffy, how does the therapist know that you know whats going on? Most people in therapy don't always know how to frame things that are happening for them, often it's why they've sought therapy in the first place, it should be for the therapist to help them make these realisations not force them onto a client. You should have the right to say that something is off limits for the time being, all this stuff you're saying sounds as though it's more about the therapist and less about you.

Okay I made a reply to this earlier today but I deleted it because I was feeling insecure. Seeing that you’re also in the States, I feel a little more comfortable saying this:

I’ve had the opposite experience. My therapists and psychologists have always been very kind about my privacy and focused most of their sessions on coping strategies for anxiety/depression or education on Autism. Maybe I’ve just been lucky, but they’re out there, even in USA.

My personal advice is to bring up what you told us to your doctor. Just clearly state that you want coping mechanisms, not to divulge your sensitive history.

I just output everything I could think of, and wrote down anything I missed, many pages of typing. I analysed  my whole history myself and re- traumatized myself, as I wanted to know what was causing my issues, then went to the psychologist to get them to validate my ideas so I was not self diagnosing. I have a very good memory, including some conversations from decades ago, I can even see people's faces and reactions to things I said.

The psychologists only know what you tell them. So I thought to get the best answer I would tell them everything. After decades of bottling stuff up due to shame, guilt, fear, confusion, I just shared it all.

They provided a some useful pointers and corrected some of my cognitive distortions. They suggested autism which I was negative to initially.

Mostly it became my new special interest and I have spent a few hundred hours on it over the last few months.

I said at the start i would need to convince myself of anything they said, I wouldn't just accept it.

It worked and I have greater clarity.

Note that I could not have done this in the past, I found it impossible to talk and be open. But for some reason the dam broke this Jan and I could not hold it anymore. If you can be open, do try. If you have someone good they will not be judgemental and it will help to get it all out. They should be able to see the main issues and ignore the rest, plus steer you if you get sidetracked. But it is your session, so it is also partly up to you.

I was clear about what I wanted to solve, as I wrote the goals down at the start to maintain some focus. It is my technical brain analysing stuff. It kept most of the emotions out of it, till 4am each morning when it hit.

Perhaps my age and idea of what I wanted, plus having some money so I picked experienced people, has made a difference. I somehow just lost the shame and embarrassment.

I feel like I have done most of the work myself, which I think they agree with, and I have made significant progress. I think the dysfunctional thinking was also related to burnout.