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Fear of perception

Hergé

Hi,

I finally received my diagnosis just before Christmas at the tender age of 53. So I'm relatively new to understand what it all means.

The more I've read the more I realised that it should of been blindingly obviously that there was a rabbit off somewhere down the line, maybe I just became very skilled at hiding.

Something I keep coming back to is the "fear of perception", I didn't know if had a name but here we are. I've always not wanted to stand out or be "seen", praise seems like they have an agenda and admonishment feels like my world is falling in. I even avoid having my photograph taken and video calls just make my skin crawl. I always thought it was a self confidence issue but now it seems to be tied up with being autistic.

As of yesterday I have told one person that I'm autistic and that includes my immediate family. I don't know if it's shame/embarrassment or the fear of rejection that's stopping me or maybe it our friend the fear of perception.

  • Ye I struggle with the fear of being perceived. Don't like anything that could put me in the "spotlight", even to the extent I struggle with walking into rooms of people because it feels like everyone is looking at me. I'm not good with compliments, I wouldn't say I dislike them, it is nice for good things to be recognised but I have zero clue as to how to respond. I really struggle with criticism though. Even really small criticism makes me feel awful. I'm aware some level constructively can be needed, especially in work but I just can't stand it, emotionally I can't deal with it at all. I don't tell people about my autism and ADHD particularly either. I did tell me latest employer which was a big step and through that I have managed to have the information somewhat circulated for awareness. But on the flip side I haven't even told my parents. I think I worry about their judgement more.

  • in reply to Bunny

    Thanks for the article link was a really interesting read, some good insights and tips from my side. Need to think a bit more about this Thinking

  • That all sounds very familiar, although my response to video calls is to fall asleep in them - instant burnout. I was diagnosed just under a year ago age 56 and it took me a long time to come to terms with it but having done a lot of reading and research I'm possibly less afraid of perception now than I used to be. I've only told a few people about my diagnosis but one interesting thing was when I met a group of six people from university I'd known for many years and told them. Of the six, the two people I'd always been closest to weren't surprised but I wouldn't say they were particularly supportive. On the other hand, the two people I'd been least close to were fascinated and showed genuine concern and empathy.

  • Hergé said:
    now it seems to be tied up with being autistic.

    These feelings are definitely not uncommon among autistic people, and are often described as a "fear of being perceived" - just as you've put it.

    You might find the suggestions in this article helpful:

    NeuroSpark - The fear of being perceived in neurodivergent people

  • in reply to DormouseAtRest_25

    Ditto, I have always been like that but I don’t know if it is linked either. 

  • Hergé said:
    I even avoid having my photograph taken and video calls just make my skin crawl.

    Ditto, on both of these points.

  • Hi Herge, I’m 53 too and can relate a bit to your situation. I’ve done my best over the years to blend in and keep other background. I too avoid photos but have had to cope with teams from a work point of view.

    i am not sure about telling people, that is still something I am thinking about. I don’t have an official diagnosis but pretty certain I’m autistic.

    anyway welcome aboard!