Hi,
I finally received my diagnosis just before Christmas at the tender age of 53. So I'm relatively new to understand what it all means.
The more I've read the more I realised that it should of been blindingly obviously that there was a rabbit off somewhere down the line, maybe I just became very skilled at hiding.
Something I keep coming back to is the "fear of perception", I didn't know if had a name but here we are. I've always not wanted to stand out or be "seen", praise seems like they have an agenda and admonishment feels like my world is falling in. I even avoid having my photograph taken and video calls just make my skin crawl. I always thought it was a self confidence issue but now it seems to be tied up with being autistic.
As of yesterday I have told one person that I'm autistic and that includes my immediate family. I don't know if it's shame/embarrassment or the fear of rejection that's stopping me or maybe it our friend the fear of perception.