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Fear of perception

Hergé

Hi,

I finally received my diagnosis just before Christmas at the tender age of 53. So I'm relatively new to understand what it all means.

The more I've read the more I realised that it should of been blindingly obviously that there was a rabbit off somewhere down the line, maybe I just became very skilled at hiding.

Something I keep coming back to is the "fear of perception", I didn't know if had a name but here we are. I've always not wanted to stand out or be "seen", praise seems like they have an agenda and admonishment feels like my world is falling in. I even avoid having my photograph taken and video calls just make my skin crawl. I always thought it was a self confidence issue but now it seems to be tied up with being autistic.

As of yesterday I have told one person that I'm autistic and that includes my immediate family. I don't know if it's shame/embarrassment or the fear of rejection that's stopping me or maybe it our friend the fear of perception.

Parents

  • Ye I struggle with the fear of being perceived. Don't like anything that could put me in the "spotlight", even to the extent I struggle with walking into rooms of people because it feels like everyone is looking at me. I'm not good with compliments, I wouldn't say I dislike them, it is nice for good things to be recognised but I have zero clue as to how to respond. I really struggle with criticism though. Even really small criticism makes me feel awful. I'm aware some level constructively can be needed, especially in work but I just can't stand it, emotionally I can't deal with it at all. I don't tell people about my autism and ADHD particularly either. I did tell me latest employer which was a big step and through that I have managed to have the information somewhat circulated for awareness. But on the flip side I haven't even told my parents. I think I worry about their judgement more.

Reply

  • Ye I struggle with the fear of being perceived. Don't like anything that could put me in the "spotlight", even to the extent I struggle with walking into rooms of people because it feels like everyone is looking at me. I'm not good with compliments, I wouldn't say I dislike them, it is nice for good things to be recognised but I have zero clue as to how to respond. I really struggle with criticism though. Even really small criticism makes me feel awful. I'm aware some level constructively can be needed, especially in work but I just can't stand it, emotionally I can't deal with it at all. I don't tell people about my autism and ADHD particularly either. I did tell me latest employer which was a big step and through that I have managed to have the information somewhat circulated for awareness. But on the flip side I haven't even told my parents. I think I worry about their judgement more.

Children
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