Being invisible

I had numerous such situations in life, at school and work, when I say something, I report something is wrong, nobody listens and then when it’s too late, they are upset that I didn’t say anything. But I did. It was recently at work, a delivery came, there were many boxes and pallets, I took the delivery notes and entered them to the system, then I controlled the goods. 
I couldn’t control it in two packs from one company because there was no label with code and name and I honestly had no idea what it is, so I reported it to my manager. He said “oh good that it came!” And asked me to let know a manager from the department where the goods should go. So I did. I told them both, here is the thing, no description no code, I can’t check with the delivery note, if it’s correct pls help. Both said they will check it and it stood whole week in the warehouse, nobody has done anything about it, suddenly it turned out something was missing there. And I heard it’s my fault because I should be careful when putting the delivery notes into the system. I asked my manager frustrated, what I should pay attention to then? I reported everything to him and the other lady and it stood there whole week and now it’s my fault. He narrowed his gaze and didn’t say anything. I said next time when I see something from this company, I will do nothing, only leave the delivery note on his desk so he can do himself. 
another situation I had with a drank driver. It was done time ago. He came with the delivery note and I noticed that he smelled of alcohol. He complained that there are two more trucks and he had to wait. I said sorry, yeah, you have to wait. When he left, I waited few minutes for my manager to come, he was not in the office. As soon as I saw him, I told him there is a driver, smells of alcohol, he is waiting on the parking lot for loading. My manager giggled only and didn’t do anything about it. Later on it turned out he left further with unsecured goods on his truck. And my colleagues had fun of it and gossips got spread, and it turned out everything to be my fault because I didn’t report the drank driver on time. I was the only one worrying, overthinking and feeling guilty and of course accused of not doing enough or not being careful enough, not saying on time etc. I feel frustrated idk how NTs manage it, how they don’t care, and why it’s always me at fault. Sorry for the long post. Does anyone relate? How do you deal? I often hear that I talk and behave like a shy girl (I’m 36) and that I need to express myself more clearly, but idk how. 

  • I work for a "cash and carry" I can deal with just about everything I come across This in the past has led to some "run ins" with people who think I've over stepped, I'm really not fond of confrontation so I now just tend to quietly fix any problems that arise.

    Obviously I still need to keep management in the loop so they are not blindsided by anything unexpected, they do seem to trust that I will take the appropriate action.

    So when I speak to them it always seems they treat me as a bearer of bad news, so I get the rolling of eyes, mock indignation, sarcastic tone. Which in turn makes me less inclined to bring things up.

    Even though I loathe confrontation I will speak up and force an issue if it's not taken seriously, even though I find it counter intuitive and uncomfortable.

    As others have said "Damned if you do and damned if you don't."

  • Sparkly is right about there being 'damned if you do, damned if you don't' circumstances. In the alterative universe where one did a different thing, there would still be a bad outcome.

    These can happen so often with my wife, that I started calling them "in trouble either way" scenarios. I can sometimes point these out and she laughs (she's not my manager, so this isn't unpleasant like your situation)

    I think with the drunk driver, others will do/say anything for it not to be 'their fault' and they play this game far better than us. We can't win because if you had kept it to yourself and he'd run someone over, then you would have felt awful. I got into the habit of sending a short email with 'facts' like this. There is no disputing a time-stamped email.

    I actually think you can be proud of yourself about "I said next time when I see something from this company, I will do nothing, only leave the delivery note on his desk so he can do himself." You stood up for yourself even though it must have felt very uncomfortable. Go, AlienatedHuman!! This kind of thing that will play on your mind for a long time (I know because it does to me in similar situations) but this is how people assert themselves and they never think about it again. We'll ruminate for hours/days/years!!

  • There are some situations when we are damned if we do and damned if we don't, although I think this is something that can apply to anyone.

    It is never a nice feeling when we are blamed for things that are beyond our control. I can find it particularly infuriating if I try to do the right thing and alert someone to an issue, only for them to later say, "Why didn't you tell me about this?" It's hard not to roll my eyes and think, "Er, well actually I did!" It is even more infuriating when the issue is one that I have repeatedly made someone aware of.

    During my early twenties, I enrolled on an assertiveness course. Initially, I found the skills and techniques difficult to put into practice. If I attempted to stand my ground with my parents and friends, their tendency was to laugh and not take me seriously as they weren't used to me being assertive with them. In time though, things gradually started to change.

    This is just a suggestion, but it might be worth finding out if there are any assertiveness courses in your area, which would be compatible with your working hours. Alternatively, if you're a reader, there are plenty of books on the topic of assertiveness, with some that are specifically on the topic of being assertive in the workplace.