I hate having autism.

yeah its quite upsetting when I hear those phrases (and related phrases)

I've noticed people like to put autistic people into stereotypes oh your autistic so work must fun for you or oh your autistic so you must find it hard to do things by your self it's just people thinking they know everything 

Thank you very much.

I did speak to a helpline last night and I've bookmarked several (including the ones you've listed).

Dear Joseph,   

Thank you for posting and telling the community what you are going through. We are sorry to hear what you have been experiencing. It is good that you’ve let us know what’s happening and how you feel. Many people have similar thoughts when coping with so much and we hope you’re okay.     

 If you are unable to cope with the distress or despair, it’s very important to tell someone about your feelings or thoughts of suicide. Call your GP and make an urgent appointment. Your GP can make sure you get appropriate help and support  

The National Autistic Society does not currently operate a crisis or emergency service. We advise you to contact 999 or any of the mental health crisis lines listed on our Urgent Help Page if you are at risk of immediate harm: https://www.autism.org.uk/what-we-do/help-and-support/urgent-help  

If you are not at immediate risk of harm, we would encourage you to speak to your GP or another health professional about this if you haven’t done so already. If it’s outside your GP hours call 111 to reach the NHS 111 service: https://www.nhs.uk/nhs-services/urgent-and-emergency-care-services/when-to-use-111/  

Help for anyone struggling to cope  

• Samaritans: Call 116 123 for free, 24 hours a day, 365 days a year.  

• Mind Infoline: 0300 1233393 for information and signposting (9am to 6pm, Monday to Friday)   

• SANEline: 0300 304 7000 for anyone experiencing a mental health problem or supporting someone else (4.30pm to 10.30pm, every day)  

• Campaign Against Living Miserably (CALM): for men 0800 58 58 58, (5pm to midnight every day).    

• Shout 85258: a free, confidential, 24/7 text messaging support service for anyone struggling to cope.  

We hope this is helpful to you.  

Best wishes,

Anna Mod

I read your OP as if on my bad days I could have written it.

I'd be willing to make a bet of one shiny 1 oz silver coin (and I only make a bet when I am reasonably certain I haev soem secret edge, so yeah, I'm not a "betting man") taht if you re-read ths thread every day for a month, you'll have at least one day, where you partly disagree with yourself..

Give yourself time, Autism is a different way of thinking, and occasionally even Neurotypical life needs what we have. Learn to recognise those points, and sell your talent dearly.... 

thats the way to go.

yes there is lots of positive in the world too so try to think positively.

one positive but not the only postive is that this is a community for people like you and me and the national autistic society is a place where we can find aceptance and support 

I have Autism aswell  and alot of us can relate. I understand  what your going through. remember theres lots of likeminded individuals like you here and we will support you whenever you need it so if you ever need any support just let us know and we will support you any way that we can.

we will allways be there for you when you need it. it is natural to want to fit in with others regardless of weather its at a job or anywhere else it will take time but eventualy you will get there.

I have an Anxiety disorder so I know what its like to be Anxious.and its natural particulatly for us to be Anxious about new things 

even though your Anxious now you never know it might go better than you exspected but you wont know unless you go. although your anxious its good that you have a new job. so that is a positive

good luck with it. no matter what dont give up until the very end and never feell like you arnt good enough you can do this. 

Look.. you don't hate yourself, you hate the world and you hate yourself inside this world.. that's why you just want acceptance.. but you know very well that this world is bad and that acceptance does not exist even between people.. that's why create your own world 

You are very welcome.

We all have days when everything seems terrible and we wonder what the point is - don't worry about saying what is on your mind, we all.understand.

Good to hear about your job - hope it goes well.

Hi Pixiefox, thank you for your response. I acknowledge that I am quite a pessimistic person, and that there is plenty of good in the world. I've cut down my social media usage substantially over the past few years but I still don't feel good enough. I guess I should think more before typing and posting. I start my new job next week and I want to fit in with the other people. I am very anxious as this is my first proper job and it is a lot of responsibility. I try to see the beauty in the world around me. I'll try to consider the positives of life a bit more.

I could never consider my autism a superpower. It is a hindrance.

Yeah, being autistic can really suck BIG TIME!

I'm probably a lot older than you, early 50's and was only diagnosed one year ago.

I do try to embrace the supposed "good" that autism brings, but sometimes (maybe a lot of times recently) I really struggle with my condition. I'm a bright guy, not as bright as you though, but the way that my autism can draw me in can be exhausting.

We tend to have a very sharp eye for detail, which others say is a "superpower", but a lot of the time it seems like more of a curse to me.

Hi Joseph

There is no "point" to anything in our world that I can see, but it's rather an amazing coincidence that our planet had just the right conditions for life to allow us to evolve to where we are now. Look around and be amazed at what we've achieved - the architecture of buildings, the technologies of things like flight, electricity & communication, the creative skills in paintings and sculpture. 

Lots of things can be seen as "good" or "bad", such as fire, atomic power, the internet, or even the oceans. How we use, or even how we think about things, can change our view of them.

Lots of people, including those without autism, think the world is 'going to hell in a handcart', but the human race has always had struggles - you only have to study history to see that.

Most of us here have wished we were "normal" at some point, but there is no normal. We are all individuals, and we all have to take responsibility for our own lives and decide what to do with them.

You cannot be behind in life, because it's not a race or a competition. Ignore the comments of those who are ill informed, back away from "social" media, work out what will make you happy and try to work towards that.

Nobody will judge you here, for your autism, your looks, or anything else. Ask us anything you want and we'll try to support you.

I was no being kind. Your welcome. 

Sorry outo correct  had fun. Qualification

Thank you very much, you are very kind. 

Being with in autistic lows is the most difficult thing.  Thanks for sharing.  I liked your profile. You have great taste in interests. To achieve that physics codification is worthy of respect.