Published on 12, July, 2020
One thing I was thinking about today was how so many autists have issues with small talk and social interactions on a day-to-day basis.This is a common autistic trait and I myself have suffered from it but what puzzles me is how so many come to understand it, have the understanding and capacity to learn about it (mostly via the internet or books) and yet won't learn how to develop this fairly simple skill.Is it because the "rules" of small talk are too complex to learn? I've read up on the subject and am pretty sure this is not the case.Is it a confidence issue, a fear of social rejection issue, a demand avoidance issue or what?I realise that in the current social inclusive environment we should be accepted for our differences, but that isn't really a message the 98% of non autists seem to have gotten in my experience.The skills are pretty basic with straightforward rules so you would imagine this is right up most autists street yet some of the most capable autists I hear from here can't seem to come to grips with it to use it effectively.I'm curious to hear your own thoughts as to why any of you still struggle with this.
After 2 years of experimenting and making X3 weekly 'field' studies, My observations tell me that most folks, in a conversation, will not hear or remember 75% of what's said. This is valuable info as it let's me know that if I later, in play back, find some baffling non-sequitur, it is from the another participant having taken a small fragment of a previous statement, as best as they can remember it, and carrying it forward into a new subject, sometimes based solely on remembering a single word choice.
They tire easily of a subject and meander around like this and I've discovered that they will not, later remember much about the conversation, other than they enjoyed it or not or they may take away an impression of the other participants themselves, based on a single phrase or a manner of expressing oneself.
I am always pleased when some one does remember what we talked about rather than my clumsy delivery, or if I've tried to clarify a point for longer than the attention span of the listener, who has already mentally checked out.
Sometimes, also, I will overhear someone talk about a special interest of mine and try to join in, only to discover it's not a discussion on celestial mechanics, say, but someone feeling proud that they know the names and order of the planets. I learned that if I then try to elaborate and add to the discussion and get excited talking, they will resent it and avoid me in future. - I have stolen their thunder, in other words.