Daughter with ASD says she can NOT sing

I can't sing. I can't vary my tone of voice, I can only talk - the act of singing is something I don't seem to be able to do. I can make a sound come out, but it's just talking, not singing notes or music. When trying to sing I could talk louder or shout, but I can't actually sing. I don't know how to make my voice do that and I'm too focused on what's being said (i.e. the words and their meaning), I can't pay attention to and combine the inputs from my ears and make my voice change accordingly.

When I had music grading, for some reason part of it was singing instead of playing the instrument I learnt. I failed that part completely, which limited the grade I could get.

speech and spoken language use very different parts of the brain

The brain can be trained if the an individual is so inclined - but not without strain - and the results are often unsatisfying. Some people's brains simply are not wired for music - it is true the other way around as well, as are those who only communicate in quotes from movies, via 120 WPM typing, etc.. We really do run the spectrum.

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if it's not that important to her, get that exemption and move on.

If this singing is something that is very important to her, try the following.

If she can hear music. play her some very simple singing, a nursery rhyme recording or some such, where the words are clear and the instruments are few or none at all, just voice. if she can read give her the words on a sheet of paper.

Ask she to follow along, even just as spoken words, with the rhythm of the song. Se what happens.

If she cannot really hear the sounds as music. go with he exemption and leave it at that.

All that is important is that she's enjoying herself and doing what does she want?

This sounds like a very specific form of selective mutism. There is no conscious selection, it is not under any voluntary control, it is just in certain situations there is an inability to produce a voice. As a child I had bouts of mutism at school, at school, but nowhere else I could not speak at all, sometimes for months at a time.

Your daughter's selective mutism when required to sing is a facet of her autism (I am presuming that she is both autistic and clinically diagnosed). As such it is covered by anti-disability discrimination legislation. You would be quite within your rights to seek a dispensation from the school and examination board.

Has she had any singing lessons? From what you say it sounds like her problem is in breath control, so many people try and sing or shout from thier throats and not from the bottoms of the lungs and all that comes out is a squeek or nothing.

If she can talk then she can always rap to start with.

Going from this to singing is a form of holding the sounds for longer and at different notes, so getting started with just talking and holding the odd syllable for a few seconds will demonstrate she has the mechanics to do it, just the lack of confidence to try.

Maybe start with some silly songs to start with to lighten the mood and make it more fun to do.