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That feeling of not belonging/fitting in

firemonkey
3 months ago

I don't know whether it's because I'm not a pure autistic person, I also have severe mental illness, but I find it hard to fit in here. Others here seem to have no difficulty bonding with each other, and chatting like they've known each other for many years. That's a great social skill to have., but one I don't have. For want of a better phrase I'd say other posters  here are 'socially adept' in a way I'll never be. They lead far more high powered lives. 

They have/have had good careers . Have good academic qualifications. I never had a paid job, and only did a bit of voluntary work. My academic qualifications stopped at 6 O levels. I've never pursued further education due to bullying related trauma.  I have to have a lot of practical support because of poor adaptive functioning ability.

  • 3 months ago

    I often feel I don't fit in here either, my interests aren't the same as many others and often it feels more like a problem page than a social one, I don't feel bonded with anyone here.

    I'm often amazed at the careers of others here too, things that I couldn't dream of doing, I did a degree, but luckily it involved no maths or tech or I wouldn't of been able to do it, I was able to do it because I was a mature student and the entry qualifications are or were different.

    I'm sure thre are things you can do that I can't and that others would struggle with. Don't beat yourself up for the things you've not done, thats allowing the opinion of others to dictate your value in the world. Theres still time for you to do things that you want to do, I've been sacked from every job I've ever had, thats why I was self employed for so long. I think others are right in saying that a lot of it's luck and just finding the right thing at the right time, many people just seem to fall into jobs and careers, I don't know how.

  • 3 months ago

    I think it’s quite common experience even here in our autistic society. I also sometimes think I don’t fit here. I’m actually dreaming about having a group meeting for all (willing) to meet in real life and do some activities together. It would be so interesting to see the people we are interacting with online. But then I think that it could go wrong or not happen at all. Because meeting so many people would overwhelm us. And I also think if hmm would I actually fit in? 
    just my loud thoughts. 

  • 3 months ago

    The open discourse here and lack of judgement are some of the best social qualities. But, I don't feel 'bonded' to anyone. It does make me happy to help others.

    I've heard others say some of the same things you've communicated. I really hope to see better alternate schooling and even summer camps for Autistic and other ND kids someday. Something I'm actively discussing with academics about. 

  • 3 months ago

    Hi Firemonkey,

    I don't think anyone would be able to gage the level of "fitting in" by a message board, so I don't think you should judge yourself harshly, especially after writing a very interesting and honest post.  I think the difficulty with fitting in is what the Autistic community has been struggling with forever, and it's not something which other people will have difficulty with offering some empathy.

    Regarding your second paragraph, don't under estimate the massive power of LUCK in people being in the right place at the right time for things to slot into place in order to make things happen like qualifications and jobs.

    I would not have gone to university had I not had a sister who went to university, and I peevishly thought "I'm as clever as her!? if she can go than so can I!"

    Every job I've ever had I only got because of a series of lucky strikes like seeing the advert, or someone sending me a link - if I hadn't have known that person, if that person hadn't have thought of me at the time etc. etc. The good news is we can make positive steps towards improving our luck to make things better.

    You didn't mention in your post what  you'd like to happen?  Would you like to meet people, is there a type of lifestyle or something you think you'd like some help doing?

    Maybe ask on here, someone may be able to help, give some advice.

    Don't be a stranger Blush