Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi there. I have been informed at work that I appear short and sharp when sometimes liaising with colleagues regarding tasks, i.e. asking for updates etc. I get anxious when information isn't clear about a task or project I may be working on or if I don't understand the answers I have been given when raising a query with a colleague. This leads to me taking to them abruptly. Some people are aware at work of my ASD but I am looking for tips on what I can do to prevent this from happening and so I can sound less abrupt in these situations.
Will add into the post! It's a wee attempt to explain a rather complex process... https://community.autism.org.uk/f/mental-health-and-wellbeing/37511/autism-is-a-social-linguistic-communication-difference
Please do. I like reading your take on things Autistic, and I suspect I am not the only one.
Mind-reading is the expected norm.
Being autistic means I communicate and use language different. We socialise different and we are motivated completely different.
I wrote a long-ish explanation on the science of this earlier today... can post the thread if you wish. https://community.autism.org.uk/f/mental-health-and-wellbeing/37511/autism-is-a-social-linguistic-communication-difference
The 'art' of navigating the Typical social landscape can be terribly interesting. But also exhausting. Learning a bit of theatre can help if you'd like to participate in some form, think of it like cosplay - crafting a voice and a character type, but not in a dishonest way. A good instructor will help us grow the qualities we have to bring to a script, and not play someone other than an aspect of our selves, just apply techniques. But, I've found the easier thing to do is learn to integrate my intention, words and action and find the principles or values I hope to communicate. This takes time, so it's not quick.
You should respond with anxiety when instruction isn't clear. Everyone will do this, it's just not often a non-autistic is in a room full of individuals they feel a perpetual disconnect with.
Typcial society is using all kinds of secretly coded 'language' which we don't pick up, which is specific to being Autistic. I usually resort to letting others know "my telepathy skills are wanting, it's quite helpful if you're direct!"
oh yea he kin!
Isn't that, like the "Colombo method" then?
And tell me he didn't have a goodly amount of the 'tism flowing in his veins...
I started using what I call the bracket method. [. ....]
when I need clarification I bracket the query with
"Ah, can I ask, ... insert query here ?" pause to listen for response.... then "Ah, thanks" Like Colombo.
This is about 85% effective.
NAS93922 said:I am looking for tips on what I can do to prevent this from happening and so I can sound less abrupt in these situations.
My advice is to let your colleagues know that one aspect of your autism is that you need clarity on tasks and don't make assumptions so expect questions if full details are not given.
Tell them you may come across as abrupt but it is not your intent to be rude, so their understanding would be appreciated.
A good tip is to do something nice for the team once a month (e.g. bring in a Crispy Creme doughnut tray or bake a cake) to say thanks for being good colleagues.
Any new colleagues can get forwarded the email once they settle in to introduce yourself.
In general though, be abrupt and own it - it is your natural condition after all so don't try to be like all the rest. If you do think someone has taken offence then take a few mins with them to say "is eveything OK between us - I feel that I may have offended you somehow." and this should get it explained or shrugged off by them.