Published on 12, July, 2020
Lately I've felt like I don't fit. Like I don't struggle enough to be considered autistic. I do struggle, of course. I probably struggle more than neurotypicals do. And I know that being autistic isn't only about struggling. But sometimes it feels like I am faking it. Like it's just another mask that I put on. These sentences are so hard to write. It's like trying to catch a specific snowflake in the blizzard that is my brain. So I'll just stop here. Have you ever felt this way?
I had an imposter syndrome some time ago. But I threw it out of my head. Not all autistic people must struggle, not all of us struggle equally and not equally in different stages of our lives. We all grew up and live in different environments. Some of us may thrive because they found what serves them and makes them happy and fulfilled. Does this mean that they are not autistic anymore? It’s a developmental condition, it does not disappear once you manage your life to be bearable for you. I’m much happier now than I was in my youth which was terribly traumatic. Now I just understood why I am the way I am, why I couldn’t find myself in this world and my place in it. But now I found. Everyone has struggles. Other ND people also have them and NTs have them. I would say It’s not the level of struggles classifying us with conditions. It’s rather our characteristics, traits, experiences.
I think that’s a very wise and also quite heartening description of being ND
I think everyone goes through imposter syndrome before or after diagnosis. It's one of the stages of accepting it.
However, I think struggle is very much part of the autistic life and the diagnosis criteria specify that the difficulties must “limit and impair everyday functioning”.