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My partner with autism

NAS93467

I’m not 100% sure what to do. My partner has autism and he’s gone on holiday with his friend. Who’s a male! Although there still has been some communicate I’m really struggling. He completely stopped telling me he loves me. Which is something he dose all the time. He’s telling me when he gets a chance he’ll video call and he hasn’t. Then he’s telling me all about these romantic walks with his friend and conversations by the river. I could really use some advice as I’m struggling with this. I’m trying my hardest not to overthink it but it’s getting really difficult! Can I have some advice please? 

  • All kinds of questions here. How long have you been together. Are you married? Does this partner know you are struggling - do you have an honest relationship where you can share your vulnerabilities and what helps you trust or what feels like trust is being severed. 

    I'm not sure on the sex of everyone in question - it appears to matter, though. If I was with someone for a few years and this happened, I might let them know that this isn't how I expect to be treated, that I expect a little better unless it's an attempt to use actions (no follow through, silence) as a way of communicating something and if they could please just be direct with their intentions so I'm not left wondering and making assumptions. 

  • If this is his first time away, the usual social patterns he has taught himself to do could have been forgotten with the complete change of environment and routine. 

    It's much easier said than done, but I think you might need to hold tight, have some self care time or fun out with friends and address it fully when you can communicate properly.

    You can ask for reassurance for now, and make it clear what you need to feel reassured, but it might be to do with being in a different setting and forgetting to communicate like an allistic person. 

  • Hi, I hope I'm not being rude here, but I don't understand why your partner going on holiday with a male friend is worrying you. Are you a gay couple? Or are you a woman and he is bi? You seem to think he is on a 'romantic' holiday, but is that just what You are imagining, or are there any facts to support that idea?

    It could just be that he is enjoying the things they are doing so much that his mind is so involved in the activities he forgets to call you. He might not tell you he loves you on the phone if he thinks his friend is listening to the conversation.

    If he has used the word 'romantic ', another thing to bear in mind is that sometimes autistic people have a different understanding of words to neurotypical people. The word "romantic" can have several meanings - the most common in our culture is of a romantic relationship, but there are also romantic ideas or plans (Not practical or not factual) and romantic places (meaning the place itself has an emotional appeal, regardless of what you think of the person you are with, or even if you are alone). Perhaps he wants to take you there sometime so you can share the experience.